Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I Should Have Become A Doctor And Saved Myself The Office Fee Visits

Yesterday, the MRI. As soon as I was ready to go, I went on autopilot, which is what I do when I go to a doctor. Any doctor. I usually have to take someone with me because I block out what they talk about unless it's "nice matching underwear" which dentists tend not to say.

So I parked in the doctors' lot. Boy people get mad when you do that.

Then I walked into Suite 205 AND SAW THE NAME OF DR. WHORE FOR MONEY, otherwise known as Dr. Bob, on the list of doctors that worked there. The doctor who did my foot surgery just HAPPENED to work in the same office? I did not want to see him. So I asked one of the front desk people if I could have a private conversation BEHIND CLOSED DOORS. Turns out that creeps the hell out of people because all talking ended and glances were exchanged. Glances that said "I've heard she can't figure out peeing. RUN."

My new doctor was an avuncular man with a wry sense of humor. And quite brilliant. The word 'surgery' didn't come up once; that's my definition of brilliant. He said I didn't need an MRI yet. (Good, because the valet was ONLY $10.50 that way. Fucking Beverly Bite Me Hills) He said I needed 2 x-rays and when I told him Dr. K. had offered to do them for only $40., he said I should go back and get them there. He was not after my money, like Dr. Bob.

Dr. S. made me walk, did touch tests on my hands and basically said it was all going to go away. He said I was walking like I was on a boat and trying to keep my balance. I actually have some feeling in certain fingers and this whole thing started when I was 13 and got scoliosis. There was nothing I could do about it. I should be grateful this is ALL I got because so many people get worse. I used to say that if I got famous the only disease left for me to shill for would be prickly heat.

This was the first doctor I've seen that didn't have me dissolve in tears. I came home and laid down and fell into a 3 hour nap. It was just a relief from the last 5 stressful years.

Dear Suzy, Hope you read Braja's doctor's orders in my general mail! NO LAUGHING!!! Promise?

I've been banned from making Braja laugh. Whenever I get to meet Rama, who wrote me that, I'm going to make Boss O Everything beat her up. I'm pretty sure that's how Hindus settle disagreements and Boss O needs to start converting now. Her new Hindu name will be Hare Krishna Red Chair.

End of chat.


  1. Anonymous1:38 AM

    Excellent! I love an unfair fight! I'm not even going to cut my nails "incase I scratch her" feck em! Line up!!!

    Boss O Boxing xxxx

  2. No surgery? No MRI? Did they say anything about great meds or vodka???

    And, about the no making Braja laugh thing- that's gonna be a tough one.........

  3. I didn't hear you mention any happy pills either. (but wait you did take a 3 hour nap...hummmmm)

  4. Anonymous7:06 AM

    that's awesome news Suzy! awesome!

  5. Well I am glad you got a second opinion. Can I say I told you so? No, probably not. Now you are going to kick my ass right? I mean when all the feeling comes back to your hands.

  6. Boss O: I'm counting on your unborn child to knock her over before you even begin.

    VMom, no MRI YET.

    Darsden, no happy pills for the nap, only at night and I slept peacefully abd didn't even hear the person who always wakes me up at 7 with her bloody key alarm.

    Mrs. K, thanks.

    Heidi, I just left a long message on your machine..

  7. Glad to hear that you've been given a reprieve from your worrying. In all seriousness, that must really suck the life out of you. Hopefully the doc is right, and this will be the end of it.

    *fingers crossed*

  8. Not all docs are money hungry, some actually DO care. Glad to hear all will be right in world soon.

    But before that happens, can you post a video of yourself walking? I'd like to see what the good doctor was talking about.

  9. Glad no MRI, hope all is well sooner rather than later.

    Shade and Sweetwater,

  10. I just found a dentist that is going to do my uninsured nephew's massive amount of dental work (including 2 crowns) pro-bono; there are definitely some good guys and gals out there.