Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Where Did Everybody Go?

Over the weekend we bloggers lost some of our 'followers.' For those of you who don't have blogs or know what the followers thing means, go read Vodka Mom. She was thisclose to getting her book looked at by someone uber famous and critical to her literary career but she lost some of her followers and it affected her relationship with this person. It's insane because she's mega popular, kind of like I am on the walls of men's bathroom stalls.

We need you to follow our blogs. If you don't know how to do it, just click on Follow This Blog, where all the tiny thumbnails are, and it takes two seconds to figure it out. You can be anonymous. You don't even need a picture to upload. You can be naked, like I am right now, but for the love of all that is shitty and cruel, please do it.

If you follow me, I automatically return the favor. I may not get around to commenting as much but I still read you all. If I follow someone and they never follow me, I will eventually drop them. It's totally quid pro quo with me because I want us all to succeed. Especially me because, well, it's always about me, isn't it? Really? Are you in tears yet?

This is a new age and we need to make the blogosphere work for us. If you're too jealous of those ahead of you, drop out now, you'll never succeed.

'Followers' help us with publishers and agents, as you can tell from Vodka Mom's post, Who Did I Piss Off? If you intend to get a deal or a gig, use the followers widget and put it on your blog. It's different from having Feedburner or Blogrolls. Apparently those don't count as much. I don't know why. Probably because publishers are drunk. Like you all are right now.

Thank you.

End of chat.


  1. I'm offended on your behalf. AND, now that you mention it, MY behalf! I had no idea it was a big deal. I just started following because it was easier to find the funny ones to read again!

    Seriously. We are such good people....the followers. Not like THEM! SELFISH! You are welcome! HA!

  2. I am a follower but I had no idea it was that important.

    I, like Micheal, did it to remember the blogs I like.

    Glad to know I'm helping to further your career!

  3. Michel and Sherri, I DO have the best readers in the world, no?

  4. I'm guessing they like "followers" because it's a better indication that you have people actually reading your blog. 90% of my traffic comes from pervs googling "sexy granny panties" or whatever.

    That's a shame her deal fell through; hope it gets revived. I just went to a writer's conference this weekend and talked to agents/editors -- the publishing industry is awash in bloodbath right now.

  5. I noticed that too Suzy that I had followers falling. I thought I had done something to upset my followers only to find it is happening to a lot of us. I politely wrote back and ask please come back and they did...yeah... I feel the same if you follow me I will follow you. That's unwritten blog manners I think. Have a good one and thanks for posting this.

  6. let me brush my teeth- then I am SO kissing you on the lips.

  7. I lost 11 “”followers”” and immediately thought I had maybe said something mean about babies.

  8. I don't follow anyone. Except now you of course. I have the dozen blogs I read saved as favorites and run down the list every morning/afternoon/whenever else I get bored at work. Since it matters so much to you - I am now your follower. Be a good leader!

  9. Thanks for explaining the following thing. I've just been adding to my Reader. I'll follow--though usually I prefer to lead.

  10. Blogger is a cruel mistress. Master? I was one follower away from a milestone number (for me) and then I was down by four. I didn't melt down, but I did threaten to lock myself in the bathroom with my Smiths cds and some heavy duty Flintstones vitamins.

    Sadly, in a misery loves company way, I was glad to learn that it was a Blogger glitch. Fucking Blogger.

    Thanks for explaining why readers should click the follow link. If that's really a measure, then by all means, I'll follow.

  11. I'm going right now. Might even read her, too.

  12. Is it creepy that I was following some blogs even before they had the widget? You can do that, you least with Blogger.

    The funny thing is, I'm not a follower in real life...I'm too freakin' stubborn!

    And now I have that song stuck in my head..."I will follow youuuuuu...." Great. Someone get me an ice pick or mental floss or something...please?

    Shade and Sweetwater,

  13. There. Now, who's got the cigarettes???

    (Love the damn picture..........LOVE IT!)

  14. What or who do I have to do to get more followers?! I want a book deal too.

    But I guess I'd better put together a book first huh?

  15. Hey, I didn't lose any of my 8 followers!
    I'll follow you until the end of time. Scared?

  16. Thanks for following me as well! Your blog was 1/4 of my inspiration to pick it again since undergrad. The other quarters taken up by friends and RAHUL SOOD. Which was kinda cool.

    Anyway, you're hilarious. I'm addicted to your blogging!

  17. Despite the drastic fall-off in my own followers (I think I have to post regularly or something to keep them), I am still following you! OK, maybe not so much following as running hard to catch up after sitting on my ass for a few days while you get way ahead of me ... but the thought is there. I think.

  18. Jenn is so not a follower.

    And I'm an overachiever. I follow, and I add to my Reader. Yes, you all may thank me.

  19. Hey, I signed up to follow you; your blog is hilarious -- I'm so glad Vodka Mom pointed me in your direction!

    Re: the etiquette of following:

    Apparently there is a limit (200) on the number of blogs you can follow, but no limit on the number of folks who can follow you, so at some point you have to get over the "quid pro quo" thing and just accept that not everyone will be a "follower" even if they like, and regularly read, your blog.

    I decided to get over it early and follow only the blogs that I truly want to be sure to read every time they post something new, and to just check in with others that I like a little less frequently, whenever I have spare time. Otherwise, this blogging thing can really take over one's life! (I don't think I'd do much else if I followed 200 blogs every day!!)

    That said, we all love followers, and I do try to follow blogs that entertain me. But I also have a few followers that I haven't "followed" (not yet anyway). Some of them are blogs I love but I don't feel the need to read them every day (once a week is enough, and I usually read through older posts in addition to the most recent one). And, because it is easy for me to read their blogs (and comment) by clicking on their little "follower" icon on my page, I don't need to actually "follow" them in order to bookmark their page.

    Or maybe I'm just rude? If so, sorry...

    Well, whatever, feel free to stop by my blog and say hi. I'd be honored to have you follow my blog, but there is no pressure, really!

  20. I was wondering what happened with the ones I lost. I was freaking out trying to figure out what I'd written that ran people off.

    The only other time I'd lost a follower was the time I posted something about armpits. I didn't realize I had anyone following my my blog who was squeamish. I guess. Apparently.

    Mostly my blog is armpit free now. I've moved on to other body parts.

  21. what the hell?? why did people drop off... I am going to follow you Suzy.. RIGHT NOW!!! You are funny as hell...

  22. You've convinced me. I had no idea it was that important until I read this. I just assumed, I follow, that's good enough.
    I'm going to my blogroll and following everyone publicly.