Thursday, February 19, 2009


Dear Suzy,

Thank you for sending us your tape. (my agent did, not me, which would have just been pitiful in our business)

Although we feel you are talented (I'll bet), we cannot offer you an appearance at this time.

Please do not be discouraged by this letter. Please keep us informed of your progress. (so we can make fun of your new tape)

We would like to keep your tape on file for our future reference. (gag reel) If this is not acceptable, please call Laura C. at 818-xxx-xxxx and request that it be returned to you.

We hope to hear from you again (never) sometime in the future. (maybe when Jay Leno leaves the show which we all know will never happen)

I got this letter in 1994 and it didn't kill me.

I kept going and NEVER got on the Tonight Show.

So don't give up. No matter what your dream is. Just remember, it's not about getting something, it's about TRYING to get it.

You know I'm totally lying, right?

The comment verification movement is growing. Go read this while you're crying about my Tonight Show rejection in 1994. (It's dated Feb 18, 2009)

End of chat.


  1. okay. you're damn funny.

  2. I love it that you kept the rejection letter.

  3. I was in the process of gathering keys to go see that lil Laura C. and give her some chit...till I read it was from 1994 LOL. I was fix'in to go Ninya, now I'm just going for coffee. Have a great day.

  4. I always knew Leno had no taste (except in classic cars, which does make up for a multitude of other faults).

    I, too, love that you kept the rejection letter. Maybe I'll do that when I start writing queries - when I get enough of them, I'll build a papier-mache author's agent! Yeah!

    Ooh, or I could get a burn permit and use them for the balefire at Summer Solstice. Whee!

    Are you feeling better, sugar? I hope so...

    Shade and Sweetwater,

  5. Anonymous9:06 AM

    If you never try, you'll never succeed. Which is technically a 100% success rate, which in my opinion are far better odds.

    Trying is for losers! ;)

  6. Oh I am sooo sad,and you know I fucking hate crying!!!!! Now I'll have a headache for days.

  7. I'm relieved you wrote "You know I'm totally lying, right?" because the line before it made me think you'd totally lost it.

  8. Maybe you'll get on the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien, surely he wouldn't reject you the way "the chin" did!

  9. And then you went on to become a star. They suck, those people. I bet they regret it...

  10. What? They were nuts to reject you!

    I'm glad to know that you realized that trying was your first mistake. As Homer Simpson says "trying is the first step to failure."

    I've made a life's work out of denying my mother the pleasure of knowing that I could do something with my much-rumored potential.

    So when you linked me on this post, I did a fist pump and shouted yes!!!!!!!

    Thank you for the link. Word verification blows. I'm glad to be part of the movement.

  11. Maybe now that Jay is going to be on for 3 hours 5 nights a week they'd like to reconsider.

  12. Wow, a BROGAN rejection letter. Mine. almost identical, was 8 years later and well after Jimmy (the Chuffa King) left. Plus I got a phone call! WooHoo!

    It's in a stack of decomposing paper in one of the crates I haven't unpacked since leaving H'wood in 2007.

    Uhaul: $475
    Packing materials: $68.50
    Memories: worthless.
    Bitterness: incalculable.

    (and I took off word verification.)


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