Friday, February 06, 2009

It's Everybody Can Bite Me Friday!

My sister Lindy came over on Wednesday and I let her borrow my favorite vintage necklace because it takes me an hour to put it on because the clasp is very complicated and I still have finger issues. After she had it on, she went into a trance and I could have taken money out of her wallet and she wouldn't have noticed. It's an amazing piece of jewelry.

I once lent Lindy two of my gowns and she refused to give them back because she said I had gained too much weight and couldn't fit into them. I had to sneak into her closet and steal them back three years later. I haven't worn them since because I forgot I weighed 105 back then and now, at 122, those 17 extra pounds are not going away. And I ain't trying.

One of the dresses is over 25 years old, just 4 years younger than I am, slit on the side up to HERE and one shouldered, in black. And now the one shoulder look is back which proves you should never throw any clothes or jewelry away.
"Lindy, do you remember those Pierre Cardin wool scarves we had?"
"Mine was brown, yours was black?
"There was a line down the middle separating the black side from the white side, it ended in an upside down V and had Pierre Cardin spelled out at the bottom?"
"Jesus, who ARE you?"
"Maybe you have them."
"I don't."
"They're probably in your closet."
"A chest of drawers, maybe?"

This is why men I date get angry at me. I remember arcane details that mean nothing to anyone but me. And yet I lost my car at Costco.

The economy has hit our building. 4 vacant apartments out of 22. One-bedrooms are $1295.00. Good luck with that. One of our tenants who works for the government of the fucked up state of California has been laid off. She said even Suze Orman, famous for telling people to pay off their credit cards first, says to now just pay the minimums. Suze must have lost a lot of moolala in the market. A real estate investor told my sister that real estate in California will take 30 years to return to the rates they were getting in 2005. And that no one should be upgrading their kitchens or baths unless you plan to live in your place til you die; because you will never recoup any upgrades you've made. Celebrities who have the best upgrades all around can't even unload their homes. My heart bleeds for them.

California is handing out I.O.U.s instead of tax refunds this year. What the bloody fuck?

So I'm going to ask my accountant if I can send the feds an I.O.U. Who's with me?

Lindy brought me two screeners. A big shot at a studio music department gets all the movies every year. Meanwhile, SAG members got ONE this year, claiming piracy was the reason. These screeners don't even come in CD cases anymore, just cardboard. Meanwhile, back on the poor people ranch, you can buy EVERY movie in the world in Thailand or Malaysia. They're pirated but I'm sure someone in the studios is helping by sending pre-cuts. Mike The I Heart Cock guy is in from Sydney and says you can buy 200 films for 200 dollars in Malaysia.

So I watched The Wrestler and Slumdog Millionaire. Slumdog is definitely going to win the Oscar. I was so glad I'd been to Mumbai because it just enhanced the movie for me. What a brilliant screenplay adaptation. I hope it wins that Oscar as well. It's the kind of movie you need to own to remind you that some things in life are just inevitable and out of control and that's all right.

I spoke of maids a few days ago and years ago I thought my dad's maid Julia was perfect until the day she told me she had another longtime customer like my dad, a single man. Then his fiancee moved in and started telling Julia what SHE wanted cleaned, like the ever popular tops of fan blades which your friends run their fingers over while visiting, which is where they know you hide your diamonds.

Julia was incensed. "Theece woman not my boss."

So she quit. Tough crowd.

End of chat.


  1. Anonymous3:59 AM

    Hmmm IOUs? When will you be able to cash them in? If they gave you a 'get out of jail free' pass for parking tickets for one year I would say next time you get a parking ticket maybe you can send them a copy of your IOU?

  2. I'm with you girl. Every 29 yr old needs a PA. I'll type the letter to the Feds. Then we'll take that bitch down for denying she works for you.

    Or something.

  3. "This is why men I date get angry at me. I remember arcane details that mean nothing to anyone but me. And yet I lost my car at Costco"

    Great line- I can so relate. Except I'm not dating men, since I'm happily married.
    I'm likin' your IOU idea ;)

  4. Funny, Funny I have the same memory, I drive people crazy with what I can remember. (down to what somebody was wearing the first time I met them details) things normal people would forget..not me.
    Happy Weekend to you!

  5. I try not to remember my clothing from the past - it was all a fashion mess. I was clueless then and I'm clueless now - the difference being that now I don't care as long as I'm comfortable and clueless.

    I remember conversations from when I was six and am something of a human thesaurus - but I forget people's names and simple words like "reception" and "airport" all the time. Conversations 'round here can be like a game of charades when my wires get crossed.

    Meanwhile, I'm feelin' grumpy and not too sympathetic towards anyone trying to sell fifty-bazillion dollar homes...I've needed a new mattress for almost a year, and am only just going to get one with the tax refund. Georgia may be backwards, but that's in my favor, since they're too stupid to have figured out the innovative IOU system of tax refund. Please don't tell them. Thank you.

    Anyway, I've always said that upgrades and remodels should be done because the homeowner wants them, not for selling purposes...because what's wonderful to you will be crap to the next person, and they're going to tear it all out anyway, so why waste the dough??

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K (the very definition of "irascible" today)

  6. Hey, if the Feds won't take the California IOUs maybe WalMart will. For a nominal 10% fee, of course.

    Yeah, bad BAD times for housing. I'm surprised that all those house flipping, house buying shows on the "home improvement" channels are still on. Someone is going to totally lose it while watching one of those shows sitting in a house about to be foreclosed. They'll do something extreme and then sue the show's producers and the channel for causing the breakdown, and they'll win. And use the winnings to buy a new cheap house.

  7. California is handing out IOUs? Isn't that quaint.

  8. I remember lots of unimportant random things too. Of course since I am the only one who remembers them, nobody believes me.

  9. Anonymous9:30 AM

    Has anyone ever, ever paid back an IOU?!

  10. Slumdog is so brilliant I've been hounding all my friends to see it since I saw it when it first came out (you know when you have to drive to the indy theater because it's only playing in one place--not in L.A., but in provincial San Diego). Nobody is listening to me!

  11. Anonymous10:28 AM

    Slumdog just came to my town. Now that I've heard your review, I can't wait to see it even more!

    LOVE Fridays on your blawg, Suz.

  12. You guys are ridiculously hilarious today.

    Candy: Yes!

    Tiggy: No!

    Jami: I wish!

    Surcie: Thanks!

    Mrs. K: Brilliant!

    Kddryn: The 80's things I wore were a horror.

    Jenn: I can't believe they don't listen you. Their loss!

    All the rest: WOMEN RULE as to memory.

  13. Suze Orman is seriously telling people to only pay the minimum on their credit cards?! That is the sign of a BAD BAD economy. AND I will throw a screaming hissy fit if Arnold sends me an IOU!!!