Friday, December 11, 2009

It's Everyone Can Bite Me Friday!

As someone who spent 20 years traveling for my career, I can say that more than a few of my exes were uncomfortable with my life choice as a standup comic. There was jealousy, low self-esteem issues and late night phone calls during which one guy told me: "Just go back to your hotel room. NOW." It was my birthday and I was celebrating somewhere in Canada with the rest of the tour. I did not go back to my hotel room. As if.

I never gave any man a reason not to trust me. I never cheated. But it was impossible to find a male comic who didn't. They would bring comedy club waitresses back to the condos, make me run interference between the wife and the girlfriend phone calls. There were a lot of divorces over the years. One impossible cheat stopped working the road and instead opened a strip joint in his home town.

Because that was soooooooooooooooo much better.

And yes, women cheat too so stop typing.

As Tiger's extra curricular activities worsen and last night's revelation about an additional 6 paid escorts via a Madam has surfaced, it doesn't even shock me. This picture did.
Elin was trying to extricate her husband from the right-hand back rear window, on the passenger side?

The back seat?

Please Elin, this story just makes blondes look dumber than the rest of the world already believes. So make us look smart by cleaning out Tiger's bank account. I'm pretty sure that's what we're known for.

End of chat.


  1. I agree I would have empty everything and done some damage to the crown jewels! But that's just me!

  2. Anonymous3:39 AM

    we all know she wasn't trying to take him out- because all she had to do was open the she's a tiny thing. He was running away from her because she got him the face with the club...and then she went after something he loved and cherished...don't all men love their cars? i would have smashed all 8

  3. excellent advice.

    But are we SURE she had no inkling before this? NO INKLING??????????

  4. I hope everyone caught the Tiger Woods SNL skit. I love the guy who plays Tiger.

  5. I do think Elin ought to own it, but then we get into a really sticky area where if a man did the same thing it would be domestic violence, but with her doing it we're all "go, girl!"

  6. Yeah, come on girl. Just admit you went crazy and wrecked his shit. No one will blame you. We already know.

  7. -->Tiger cheated. Rinse and repeat.

  8. I'm almost certain that he slept with Dawn Bicker, too.

  9. yep hit the wallet, buy all the clubs, return the irons and give a well placed putter right to the cup, cant miss, an eagle, a birdie, par, then round out the bogey with a hole in one straight to the wallet.

  10. Anonymous12:05 PM

    I remember when it first was reported, the newspeople were saying that she broke the back windows so she wouldn't hurt him in the front seat, unlocked the door, and then reached over and opened the front door to get him out. Oh yeah? Then why were two windows broken? You only need one to get in and unlock the door.

  11. I'm hoping no one taped me meeting him at the local Super Eight Motel.

    Sniff. He said I was the only one for him. sniff. sniff.

  12. I can't back her hitting him, but I can't promise I wouldn't have done exactly the same thing either.

    I can totally back her beating up his shit though. I'd have destroyed that car and almost everything else he owns, too.

  13. What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?

    Santa only had three ho's

    love that...

  14. Wait, Tiger Woods was in an accident?

    Where have I been??

    This is what happens when I quit watching TV, listening to the radio, reading news on the Internet, and go hide in a cave - I miss the important stuff.

    Shade and Sweetwater,

  15. I hope your stand up friends bought all your drinks and tipped you generously for acting as their look out.

  16. I agree, why not just admit that you found out about all his shenanigans and wanted to beat him down!

  17. Elin really sliced that one, huh?

  18. Yeah, the police are investigating a missing 3-wood, aren't they? I'm thinking they might start by looking up Tiger's keister, but that's just me.

  19. Re: Your covering for the dogs. Shame on you.

    Re: Tiger. Who cares?

  20. so much for THAT squeaky clean image!

    i'm with you, in that once committed, i don't stray... after a breakup it's another tale, since i'm no longer attached, or even looking to be atm

  21. You know, I never run out to help when I hear a car crash in the middle of the night without a 9-iron, either.

  22. My hub worked on a Gillette commercial with Tiger in LA the night before this happened. He is going to write about it on my blog as a guest writer. I hear you about the back seat! REALLY???? I want to see his cracked lip and black eye.

    I've got money on him doing it on the high seas with the hot new york babe!

    Speaking of black eye's, is your purple yet?
    I'm coming to LA Christmas day. Coffee? Silver Lake?