Thursday, September 17, 2009

Mailbag # 10

More anonymous lines from emails I've received. If you want to out yourself, go ahead. And click on the label at the bottom of this post to read some of the other obscene and tragic one liners I've received from psychopaths I love. If I didn't use your line, it's because you're normal and I forgive you.

You need the respirator masks we use at the hospital for flu or TB patients. Of course they make a big deal about fitting everyone for the masks yearly, then we run out of sizes and have to wear whatever is left.

Texas is not part of the U.S.

We were sitting at the table after the show – it’s me, Estelle Getty and some assorted queens. Somebody brings up Esther Williams. Without missing a beat Estelle says, “She fucked everybody in Hollywood. What a slut.”

Went to the Encino Barnes & Noble today... Carol Leifer was having a book signing. I went over to Carol, chatted for a few minutes and dropped your name. For the record, this did not result in a free book. Either she didn't realize I was aiming for a freebie or Carol Leifer doesn't like you as much as she implied.

I packed plenty of Xanax.

As you know they post innocuous statements in our building elevators. The only one I have liked in the last 4 years has been from the Dalai Lama: “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” So today I almost spit up when the quote was from Kurt Cobain. Hello, didn’t he KILL HIMSELF?

Come on over. I've got a set of pliers and DUCT TAPE.

It's a small town where there was only ONE respectable town whore. You wouldn't want to be seen with any other whore, I assure you.

I've been struggling lately. It's all self-induced misery, so I'm a lucky bastard in actuality.

The bad blind date called. I kept the mental image of his disgustingly dirty residence.

Anyway, while I was gone the print shop put their brains on hold.

Too many blow jobs?


  1. Click on what label? Jeez you're a teasing old slut....

  2. I hate putting smileys after comments like that cos it really deadens the effect. But I don't want anyone here writing me nasties cos I called you a slut. If they do, I'll forward them to you and you can add them to your Brain Dead Comment Winners section.

  3. You've got some pretty weird readers, but at least they're funny!

  4. I've finally made it.

  5. Me too! Here's to Hootie May!

  6. Sooo...was it from giving too many blow jobs or getting too many. I mean it's one thing to break your teeth onn a bone but it's quite another to grind them to the bone.

  7. I'm going to have to start leaving MUCH better comments!

  8. Anonymous2:52 PM

    I refuse to acknowledge any of the above comments being quotable to me, as I am invoking my 5th Amendment Right that it/they may possibly incriminate me.
    Aloha, MJ

  9. Am I normal? Please say I'm normal.

  10. I would try to act all upset about you posting all my comments up there, but it seems kind of hypocritical since I paid you to do it, so...

  11. I really don't understand that too many blow jobs comment.

  12. Where do I pick up my gift bag?

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