Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Way Down Upon The Swiney River

My mother and I spoke on Sunday and I said I was investing in some mouth masks since the last case of swine flu was only 2 hours away from me. She said, "And don't forget to wear gloves AND FOR GOD'S SAKES DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING OR ANYBODY."

It was like being 4 years old again minus the spankings.

So yesterday I called Pink Dot for a delivery and contemplated asking for a non-Mexican delivery guy. That's before I realized that they might be employing Swedes, who are known to be extremely sneaky, or Russians, drunk, sad Russians. I decided to say nothing. The man arrived and I asked him to come in, as I do all delivery people. He hung back, coughed, THAT'S RIGHT, and said, "I have a cold. I'll stay out here." And then I heard nose sniffling.

What part of IF YOU'RE SICK DON'T COME TO WORK did this man not understand? So of course, I asked him if he had SWINE FLU and he laughed and said no. I'm sorry, but that's funny, why?

Then he wanted my credit card and after he took it I said, "I guess I'll even have to wash off my credit card." He didn't dissuade me.

So I washed my hands, the credit card and was eating the fruit salad and all of a sudden I thought WHO SLICED THIS BANANA?

End of chat.

22 comments:

  1. Gotta watch those fruit cutters....

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  2. This pandemic virus situation really ticks me off. I'm going to have to give up fast food for a while, 'cause you know those workers never wash their hands.

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  3. yeah, you'll wash your hands and all that shit, and then cross your street and get hit by a bus.

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  4. No one is safe. I say we all just eat like the astronauts do. Little premade, air tight packets that hopefully germ-free machines put together.

    I'm growing my own garden this year.
    May end up raising my own cattle.
    Planting my own fruit trees.
    And learning how to make chocolate from scratch.

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  5. It was probably one of those sneaky Swedes that cut your fruit.

    Good description, I'm Swedish and yes, I am extremely sneaky! :)

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  6. okay they got the don't touch, wash your hands down pat.. NOW please remember to look both ways when crossing the street...(VM has some voodoo possibly still spilling over...just sayin' but you didn't hear that from me)

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  7. My method for handling this is to not worry about it at all. I laugh in the face of Swine Flu. Ha.

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  8. We got the email today telling us to stay home if we don't feel well.

    I do believe I feel a tickle in my throat.

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  9. Having worked many years in kitchen prep areas I'll just say... you don't want to know... and leave it at that.

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  10. I think I'll go start a bubble bath. But the bubbles will come from the BOILING water I am going to use!!!

    OH my GOD!! Sex isn't safe, food isn't safe, handshakes aren't safe. What's next? Unsafe blogging?

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  11. was he a man mexican, a sneaky swede or an ignorant indian!???

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  12. Anonymous12:59 PM

    Living in land far, far away (Hawaii), I am confused. Isn't the swine thing an airborne virus? Yes, we're supposed to wash our hands. But I want to know if it's an airborne illness, how long does the stuff stay on the banana before it gets you? Okay, so the guy cuts the banana at 4:10 p.m. It arrives at your residence at 4:45. Is the virus still there? How does it go from the banana to being airborne?
    Confused,
    and with aloha,
    MJ

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  13. Now see this is why I have become a closeted agoraphobe.

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  14. Sweetie, it was probably sliced byt the Mexican cousin of the Mexican that picked the banana. Don't worry.

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  15. I work in a school! I told them all they looked pale today! I planted the ole flu seed in their heads! We will have 200 absent tomorrow!
    Definitely bleach the card!

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  16. it's all bogus... between 4000-8000 folks in canada die of influenza, every year [likely 10 times that in the usa, since you have 10 times the population], and everyone shits nickles with less than 200 dead from this so-called bird/swine/human flu... get a grip, people! GRRRRR

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  17. uhmmm sound like Canada needs some shots!

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  18. make my shots single malt, neat, dar ;) lol

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  19. The things I did in my younger days... I could french kiss an infected pig and chances are I would cure it. My immune system is that well honed.

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  20. laughingwolf-gotcha taken care right here one tall neat moth coming up ;-)

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  21. ooooooooooo thx dar! ;) lol

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  22. I really don't want to go to work tomorrow. I guess I will where a mask. We have the actual TB masks which are the only ones that work. Actually, I hope they have some left.

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