Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Why I Don't Do Local Gigs Anymore

I found this old faded fax that I had tucked into one of my show biz scrapbooks.

Dear Suzy:

I'm hoping to work with you more in the future. It seems all the bookings usually need a happy guy or gal and they don't want any edgy comics. There is a gig June 30th at a Nudist Colony. It has to be a clean set. They tell me it's like every other gig. If you want to go, call me.

So I can't say the word 'penis' in front of a row of naked penises?

On top of that, I was co-headlining, meaning there were only two of us and each had to do 45 minutes. But I had to go last, in the headliner position. The first girl, who was as funny as a box of hair, could barely do 20 minutes and I had to cover her time so I did over an hour. And we got paid the same.

Standup is so fuckedup.

End of chat.

19 comments:

  1. So, did you rebook for the next year?

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  2. Isn't it fun to look at old stuff and wonder what you were thinking at the time?

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  3. Hey!!! I think I saw that show. I was the guy in the front row in a good mood.

    hahaha

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  4. I guess that whole "pretend they're in their underwear" thing is preferable in this scenario.

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  5. LOL, great story...and we all would love to see you on stage.. you sure do entertain us ..daily!

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  6. as bea would say: she's a cunt! GRRR

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  7. I'd love to do stand up...or think I would. Any advice? I have "the funny", just need to focus it. "Use the *Funny*, Luke, use the *Funny*...

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  8. Does that mean you would have to be nude too? I wouldn't have to do anything but stand there and I would have them rolling in the aisle.

    "Is that her nipple?" "why is one pointed up and the other down?"
    "Oh My who did her wax job it is only done on one side."

    "Hey did you see the amount of dimples in her ass"

    Well you get the idea.

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  9. A box of hair could be funny...what?!

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  10. Penis penis penis penis penis!

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  11. Sounds like my husband's job. He has a co-headliner that does less than a third of the work and gets half the pay. Sucks in every industry.

    Yeah, and dare ye not offend the penises. Wahhht?

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  12. So to calm your nerves in that situation you imagine them in their underwear? what?

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  13. I guess that's when you know you're a true pro -- when you can stand in front of naked people and make them laugh instead of laughing *at* them.

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  14. Beckie12:54 PM

    What's the story for why you don't do shows in Connecticut?

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  15. "A box of hair"?!

    My word! I couldn't stand 20min of THAT. Good move covering for her!

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  16. I want to know if you knocked em dead.


    or were they limp?

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  17. "The first girl, who was as funny as a box of hair, could barely do 20 minutes and I had to cover her time so I did over an hour."

    How IS Jenee?

    Boss O xxoo

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  18. OMG! The notorious Nudist gig! I'm pretty sure this is the same one I was asked to do like 12 years ago and I didn't because of the rules and the weirdness. There's something so Sartre-esque about a group of people exposing themselves to you then saying, "Now don't say a dirty word!"......Ugh!

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  19. "...funny as a box of hair..." rofl lol

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