Don't piss off God.
That's not my motto or anything it's just that a few days ago I wrote IS GOD EVEN ON DUTY ANYMORE? Now that I've written it once again I would like to add this disclaimer:
It was just a joke, now bring back my stuff.
It started with the 2 Milky Ways. Remember that heartbreaking story about Pink Dot forgetting to add them to my order? Really, someone in Hollywood should make that into a movie.
Then I went to Bed Bath and Beyond. My sister had 100 coupons and had given me half. Did I take them with me? Did I even remember where I put them? So the cashier asks me if I have one and I say "One what?" Now I have to find the coupons and go back to the store and take my receipt to get 20% off $14.99. DON'T LAUGH, WE'RE IN A RECESSION, PEOPLE.
Then yesterday I couldn't find my driving glasses, which are prescription CHANEL and which I always leave in my car. GONE. I asked a man walking down the street to help me look. He might have been a serial killer but without those glasses I'll just drive into a wall and die anyway.
Now I need more Clonopin so I can sleep through the night. I called my shrink and asked her to phone it in to Costco because I went 5 days without it and thought I didn't need it anymore BUT I'M THE WORST PERSON TO TAKE ADVICE FROM BECAUSE I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER TO BRING A COUPON TO BED, BATH AND BEYOND. I called Costco to see if it was in yet and guess what? IT ISN'T.
And now the WORST thing of all. Vodka Mom is gone.