If you're not a MILF, then what are you when men start cruising you at the bank and H&R Block Premium? A RWILF? I make them laugh and then they make skid marks to the exit. Because men say they want a girl with a good sense of humor, which means someone who laughs at all their jokes, but not someone who makes a living off it and makes as much as they do.
I'm now in one of those relationships where when it's his birthday, we're getting along fine and when it's my birthday; we're not. The first time we had sex, he said to me, “I’ve been with a 100 women. How many men have you been with. Three?” and I replied, “Three, four hundred, somewhere around there.”
Meanwhile, I had three the first time.
Shit, Ellen’s had three.
He’s a type A personality. He gets up at 4:00 am every day. I'm a type Z personality. I get up every other day.
I wish he was more like me. I love to gossip. You'll never hear two men on the phone going, "So Bill, what happened to Stanley's hair?"
We fight over his driving. We took a trip to the desert and I fell asleep for 10 minutes. When I woke up there was snow everywhere. "Where are we?” I asked, and he said "I'm not really sure but I think we're almost in Palm Springs." I said, "Really? Well, why don't we pull over and ask these Canadian Mounties exactly where we are? "
If you sift through history, it has always been man’s job to get us lost. Remember when Moses wandered in the desert with the Jews for 40 years? That was supposed to be a 10 day trip. And the whole time Moses' wife was in the caravan going, "Moses, don't be a schmuck. You’re killing me here. Pull into the oasis; ask Achmed how to get there." Do you know why Moses had to part the Red Sea? He couldn't find his way around.
You know sometimes you're on a plane and the pilot's voice comes over the loud speaker, "We're just circling until we have permission to land."
He's lying, he’s looking for the airport.
End of chat.