Saturday, April 25, 2009

When An Email Isn't Enough

I called Braja last night. That's right, Braja from Lost and Found in India. INDIA. So now I'm out next month's rent.

The little voice in my head, or as my shrink refers to it, SCHIZOPHRENIA, made me have to hear her voice. And being the impulsive person that I am, I called.

Just as an aside, 'schizophrenia' with spellcheck gave me the option of "cheeseparing." Soooooooo fucking close.

Everyone's talking on their blogs about how our bloggy brand of friendship is as real as any irl friendship. I think it's better because they can't borrow things from you and then secretly pack them in their suitcase without telling you and then go on vacation for 2 weeks which instead turns into 2 months.

It's always strange to hear a blogger friend's voice for the first time. People who have been reading me for a long time are often shocked to hear my voice because I sound like I've been smoking gravel-filled tampons. And what if I do?

Braja's voice is soothing, like a quiet waterfall with wind chimes. I heard Jahnu say hi from the background. She's doing well, they both are and yes, I told her and Vodka Mom the story of The Sharp Left Turn, which she mentions in her blog today. It happened to a friend of mine, a stranger on a plane told it to her.

My friend was divorced with 4 boys and lived in Texas, where there is no alimony. (EEK) She finally met a new man, dated him for 2 years, got engaged and then the day before she took him home for the Christmas holidays to meet her family in Virginia, he dumped her. She got on the plane alone and she and the lady next to her struck up a conversation and my friend told her of her recent split.
"It just came of nowhere."
"Ahhh, the Sharp Left Turn."
"What's that?"
"When you're going along in life and everything seems so smooth and uneventful and then a huge upheaval happens, that's God. He's taking you out; you were going the wrong way."

Then a comedian I know stole the story and called it the Sharp Right Turn. Soooooooo fucking close.

End of chat.


  1. I thinnk I am gonna claim it as my own and call it the fast U-turn or some sh** like that.

    haha...why sleal the concept.



  2. I love that. Thanks.

  3. I've been following you for a few months now. This is my fave post of all, and that's saying alot!

  4. ah yes, pennsylvania...

    my shrink told me about it, and also not to worry about a-tall since it only afflicts the distaff gender... and i asked: ladies have STAFFS?

    soooo fucking close :P lol

  5. Anonymous3:12 PM

    That is still a great analogy no matter who I hear it from. I have to keep that thought under my hat and use it on some unsuspecting soul. And then, I'll claim it as my own, of course.

  6. That's awesome I am happy you got to talk to Braja, I am sure she enjoyed that :-) I love the discription you gave of her voice too. Kudos to you Suzy!

  7. Just came across your blog and I found it highly entertaining!!!!!

  8. I'd call it a sharp kick in the arse.

  9. If you catch the bitch who stole your stuff, you could give HER a Sharp Right Hook.

  10. What happens if there's a traffic circle in this scenerio? I need to know cuz I'm running out of gas. No worries I still have plenty of booze.

  11. I can't steal from here. But when i come there and stay you'd better tie things down, woman...

    Wait...did I write that?

    Crap. It's the schnapps Fida sent me. Cherry flavored. It's nice to look at and maybe the alcohol is seeping thru the glass bottle and effecting me. I don't drink. But i can start. Any second now...

    And you'd better have some good red wine when I come there.

    you're beautiful. Your voice is totally gorgeous: husky, funny, and beautiful :)

  12. Anonymous6:51 PM

    so zen...verynice.

    and that was kelly bensimone. some lady from new york who hails herself as a journalist (barf)/celebrity (gag me)/ model (excuse me i think she has a penis).

  13. What the hell is cheeseparing? Cheese fighting? Cutting cheese? I'm gonna have to look that up.
    Maybe it's when cheese talks to you.

  14. To me, your voice sounded exactly like your blog. I loved it. Now I have a perfect narration in my head when I read your stuff.

  15. Don't bogart the gravel-filled tampons.

  16. Um I made a sharp left turn one time. He turned right into the pokey, and I didn't want to go. ;)

  17. I hate sharp left turns. Really.

  18. My 14 year old daughter who sounds like you--that's a shocker to people for sure. I figure Demi Moore made it work for her.

    The sharp left turn is a perfect metaphor. It actually happened to me in a car once and we rolled 3 times.

  19. I had never heard of the sharp left turn but it is absolutely right!

  20. Hey I have an award for you over at my site. Please come over and collect it.

  21. Sharp left turn? How 'bout a friggin 180/t-bone/rearender?
    Well, like I always say, one is (apparently) never given more than they are prepared to handle! Sheesh, it's getting a bit intense here..
    God or (insert your own version of divine intervention here) will test your m&*(^)@!#f&ing! patience to see just what you are made of! Miraculously, you are actually tougher than you ever thought poss!
    oxox 2 all

  22. I've made so many sharp left turns in my life I just keep going in circles.

  23. Well that explains this sharp pain in my neck. Could someone have a word with god about risk management and transportation safety?


    Jealous that you heard Braja's voice

  24. 3 Sharp Rights = 1 Sharp Left

    (and you sound just like I thought you should)