Friday, April 03, 2009

It's Everybody Can Bite Me Friday!

I was supposed to go to The Viper Room tonight to see KisTone. Maybe I can get on stage and then fall off. I say WAS because I got up in the middle of the night and checked my email and had 2 identical ones from Bangkok. I've had this weird thing with my right ear where I'm sleeping and then the ear will POP and my head will jump off the pillow. When I flew to Canada for that show back in October, it went away and I assumed I left it in baggage claim.

Now it's kinda back and instead of my head leaping off the pillow, I'm dizzy whenever I get up. You know that expression When the student is ready the teacher will appear? Well apparently my teacher sends identical emails from Thailand. It starts like this:

Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo is a very common, but very distressing condition. Have you ever been so drunk that when you lie down on the bed the spinning rotation is so bad you grip the edges of the bed to stop falling off?

If this was a pop quiz, I think I'd ace it.

To understand BPPV, you have to understand the workings of your inner ear.

Dude, I don't understand ShamWow.

The natural movement inside the semi-circular canals of the ear is disrupted, so the fine hairs send the wrong signals to the brain, and being unable to work out which way is really “up” the sufferer falls over, totally unable to save themselves from hitting the floor. Debilitating and embarrassing!

Obviously they don't read my blog.

The commonest cause of interruption to the normal ebb and flow in the semi-circular canals is produced by “ear rocks”. These are made up of crystals of calcium carbonate, called “otoconia”. These “ear rocks” swish around every time you move your head.

So every time my father told me I had rocks in my head HE WAS RIGHT.

Is there any treatment? Yes there is, usually a series of maneuvers you are put through which are designed to move the ‘ear rocks’ around till they no longer cause problems. These are demonstrated by the balance specialists and usually result in around a 90 percent cure rate.

Who bets that I'm in the 10 percentile?

So even though I'd love to stay and chat, apparently I'm off to Bangkok to meet these people:

That blood type diet I talked about has been around forever. Type O's shouldn't have dairy. Fuckers. Sugar, booze and caffeine are out for me too. I'm afraid to read the other blood types because if one of them REQUIRES carbs, I'm going to Switzerland and having Keith Richards' doctor change all my blood. I don't think you can do that but I'm very persuasive when I'm naked AND carrying a weapon.

Lindy is a Type O Neg too and her body is amazing and she HATES carbs! But she'll eat some sugar sometimes and have wine. You'd kill yourself if you saw her body in a bikini. Oh wait, that's what I want to do.

End of chat.

17 comments:

  1. Dang Suzy all the effects with no booze! I swear you need a couple of dozen chocolate covered cherries they would cure you. I think it is the Sugar you need ;-) hope you do feel better soon. (yes I can duck very fast...I know you warned me about mentioning them again...but us shorties can move)

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  2. Girl, oh to wish to be your twin... nothing about me even is close to being..NOTHING, I got nothing.. unless you have blue eyes! I think you could buy them.
    But, I will do the rain dance on top of mapquest and see what I can come up with for you ;-)

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  3. Let's see ear rocks...hum...are those like Pop Rocks? Because I was told in Banned Camp that if you mix pop rocks and Coca-Cola together you die or blow up or something.

    Anyways...why do I always giggle like a 12 year old boy when someone says Bang-cock?

    As for the blood type diet thing...it seems to work for a lot of people. Like I said I have type C-D negative therefore not putting me in the book although the chapter needs to read like this:

    C-D Negative blood type works best with copious quantities of Vodka and Olives. They also require chocolate and high sugar foods. They must be allowed to loll about by a swimming pool all day being waited on only by svelt pool boys named Carlo and Paco somewhere close to the equator.

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  4. Suzy..> I can't do any of those things either. Sadly it is just the opposite. :) But I am looking forward to getting back to Californica and the sunshine that goes on with no end and smog, and sushi and heat, and...

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  5. I had vertigo for a week after Daytona. It was a BITCH.

    Have some vodka. It CAN'T hurt.

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  6. OK but don't do Bangkok without speaking to me. I love that place. i was on my way there until that truck messed with my taxi. Going there again soon has so much potential as a thought. Hey maybe we can meet there. A dae with Suzy in Bangkok. Let's see Vodka kick that one's ass...

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  7. I only recently heard about the blood type diet, and it's really interesting to me. I'm O-neg, too and a major carb/sweets fiend, so I'm trying to be really restrictive about my intake. I'm also really sensitive to caffeine (though I love espresso) and I've never been a big drinker because more than one festive beverage hits me too hard. Oh, and I hate people who hate carbs and look cute in bikinis.

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  8. does being B+ explain my interest in white wine and chocolate?

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  9. My husband got BPPV after a bad bout of allergies combined with flying. We ended up in the emergency room one morning.
    I read about the crystals in your head and an at home treatment of lying on the floor and rolling a quarter turn and staying there for a minute at a time or something -- basically the same thing the "therapy" in the doctor's office did but for less the cost!
    It's been 2 years and he still has it, but not as bad.
    Good luck!

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  10. Hey Suzy, checking in on you Woman, you haven't posted yet. That is a sign you are not feeling good..OR you are having too much fun somewhere! Hope you are okay xoxo

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  11. I tried to vote for you for a blogger's choice award... not sure if it went thru... put the button up on your site already. I know you have lurkers who would vote :)

    Sorry for the lack of comments... I've been lurking while on vacation... but still enjoying!

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  12. I'm pretty much thinking life would not be worth living without sugar, booze and caffeine. Seriously.

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  13. So, there I was...NOT reading your blog! Honestly, it's not a surprise that I don't have friends! I can barely acknowledge my own daughter and the cats would die if it wasn't for her.

    Anyhoo, here I am catching up.

    I have rocks in my head too. I mean, medically it hasn't been confirmed, but I'm sure they're there...conspiring against me.

    I tend to wear aluminum hats often.

    I don't even want to think about a bikini body or I'll shoot myself. My cellulite seems to be building bodies underneath the skin on my thighs.

    Life is good!

    Going to read more...

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  14. Ear rocks. dang. You are a one woman medical miracle.

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  15. I have the same inner ear problem. It IS distubing. I feel like I am walking and leaning sideways when it happens. The first time it happened was after being slammed by a wave in the ear while in the ocean. I barely was able to get out of the water before I fell down! Hus just waved to me from his spot on the sand, as if falling down was normal for me.
    Fluid behind the ear drums can cause the same thing. I've been meaning to go to the doc to have my ears checked but I don't like doctors!

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  16. So I just looked up this blood type diet... and I'm supposed to be a bleep-bleepedy-bleepin'-EmmEffing Vegetarian! OMG!!! I AM the original meat and potatoes girl! Seriously. My mom used to ask us what we wanted for dessert and my answer was, "More steak and extra butter for my potato and some bread to soak up the butter that oozes out of the potato". I now hate Japanese people for coming up with this *cusswordstoolongvariousanddescriptivetoprinthere* blood type diet. Now I'm going to have to go all Keith Richards and get a full body transfusion with type B cause I can totally sacrifice buckwheat and sesame seeds, but Meat, Dairy AND Wheat?!?!? Just kill my fat ass now, cause it's never gonna happen. Guess I should go now so I can order my piano-case sized coffin.

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