Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Mailbag # 9


For new readers, I randomly post unedited lines from emails I get. They're all anonymous but you can out yourself if you want. I have strange, funny and demented friends. See the first 8 Mailbags under the label at the bottom of this post if you don't believe me.


-OH MY GOD!!!! I am so happy to hear from you that I would pee in my pants, were it not for the fact that I died of boredom 6 months ago!

-Here's an invite for you to be my friend on the site icanhascheezburger.com. This is where I keep my favorite funny pictures and other fun stuff. It'd be great if you could check it out and rate it or leave a comment.

-I sent you a ginuwine (sic) email and ginuwine (sic) interest in your site and its content. It's mind blowing that you would talk to someone who's a fan of your site the way you talked to me.

-My night was bordering on ruined.

-He quit blogging but nobody knows why.

-I had a psychic experience this morning. I had a dream last night that I made out with Harry Connick Jr., someone I would never think of, and when I turned on the TV he was on The Today Show!!!

-I do have a cousin that used to work for a record company and she "discovered" Barry Manilow!

-there used to be a hideous expression my mother and aunt would throw around with abandon at a point in my life when all I cared about was sex and drugs and how absolutely fabulous I thought I was...similar to the one you sent " getting older is not for sissys".....

-The best Thanksgiving I think I ever had was when I fed the homeless at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium

-At that point I realized that the friendly stranger was Beth, Mrs. Dog-the-Bounty-Hunter. And then to confirm my identification of her, her cell phone rang, she answered it and said, "Oh hi Dwayne."

-Y tu mama tambien.

-I was in a rental car place the other day. A guy in a military haircut was wearing a t-shirt that said, “I may not be Mr. Right but I’ll fuck you until he gets here.”

-XXXXX has requested a recommendation as Atheist Grief Counselor at Godless Grief.

-Am I happy here? I'm a miserable fuck anywhere I go.

-Okay Suzy sorry to bother you. I won't email you bout group issues ever again.

10 comments:

  1. I need to get funnier friends.

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  2. That one about Harry Connick Jr.? Whoever that happened to...YOU LUCKY DUCK! If only it weren't just a dream. I'd take it, though.

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  3. I'm thinking it would be really hard not to recognize Beth right off the bat--though maybe she wasn't wearing makeup and looked like one of the tabloid magazine covers of normally attractive celebs looking like train wrecks.

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  4. Tell Vodka Mom I'm available.

    I'm not sure what to think Suzy. Many of your emails sound like things I have written, but I am quite sure I haven't emailed you. Unless it was one of my other personalities....

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  5. Did you open my email by mistake? I swear some of those sound familiar. Only you forgot to include the one from Forung.

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  6. Why am I not getting comments like this?! These are... I don't know what they're but they're entertaining, that's for sure!

    "I was in a rental car place the other day. A guy in a military haircut was wearing a t-shirt that said, “I may not be Mr. Right but I’ll fuck you until he gets here.”

    He deserves some action just for being honest ;)

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  7. Anonymous10:59 AM

    funny- but right now i'm going through the bloated and gassy part of my gastroenteritis...so every time i laugh i toot...so no laughing for me.

    TMI? I don't give a shit anymore...no pun intended.

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  8. Anonymous12:23 PM

    You get email from some odd birds, Suzy. But I guess you know that already. . .I think my last email to you probably read, "Have you joined facebook? Join facebook already!" Or something like that.

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  9. Yay, I am still insane enough to make your mail bags, my favorite!
    I also had a dream I was married to Fred Rogers.

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  10. Juice poured over the keyboard via my nasal crevices is not a pleasant thing.

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