Saturday, March 28, 2009

NOW what?

Lindy and I have to go to the Genesis Awards tonight. One of our friends who died of ovarian cancer left a 10 person table for ten years. My sister has gotten out of it in years past because she was busy. So this year we have to go. (she has to, why drag me into it?) It's hosted by Leeza Gibbons (or has been in the past) and the gruesome, torturous images are so grotesque that Lindy and our friend Janet could never look at the screens while the images played. The rest of the audience watched while Lindy and Janet stared at their tableware. YES THERE'S A DINNER and gee I hope it's served before the slide show.

Lindy hurt her back and can't sit and we all know what a marathon runner I am so I tried to get Lindy to cancel and she said "Janet's mother is showing up in a wheelchair so how can I not go?"

Great, someone worse off than me and probably in a better mood.

So as we discussed whether we should even shower for this event I mentioned my brand new patch of grey hair that I got from this last surgery. I never had patches and now I have a patch. I can't really dye it myself since one of my arms refuses to cooperate with my stenographer's neck and Jill is in Cabo St. Lucas with Mike The I Heart Cock guy so Lindy says, just wear a hat.


Now she starts mentioning some of our friends who will be there and I realize I wouldn't mind seeing them until I remember an awful comedian who is really the biggest bitch I (and many other comics) have ever known AND the last man I almost married will probably both be there as they're in PETA land with all the other quacks. The Queen Bitch once told me in an email that she was trying to get pate de foie gras banned in Chicago. That will be her legacy. Of course Mayor Daly thought it might be better to concentrate on CRIME AND DRUGS. The ex-bf is just straight up loony. I don't allow PETA ads on my blog. Fanaticism drives me crazy. Can't we all just get along?

What will they serve for dinner? God let it not be vegetarian or worse, vegan, but it might be because Janet was a vegetarian. If I have to go to the Hilton and eat riceberries over toast points or lettuce on a branch, I will not be a happy camper. Like I've ever camped.

End of chat.


  1. Wow. I sure won't be reading your blog anymore.

  2. It's okay Jovanka. To each his or her own. I found this on your profile so I get it:

    **American comedienne, writer, critter-rescuer and preachy vegan living in Belgium.**

  3. I want the name of the comedianne no one likes...come one Suzy. I'll send you a roast beef sandwich! Extra meat.

  4. Now I see the other comment. Is it her?

  5. I just Googled the Genesis Awards. Have fun!

  6. Maybe you can sneak in some meat under your hat.

  7. Do you want me to Fed Ex over some valium? Or something to help you through this??

    Okay, so I hope you do SOMETHING good to embarrass us. I can't WAIT.

  8. You created the perfect storm of offenses there for that lady!

    Nicely done.

    And here I thought people who wrote comedy could take a joke a little better. Go figure.

    Let us know how it went and how long it took before they threw you out.

  9. I might be somebody's Queen Bitch, but I ain't Suzy's.

    I look forward to the post after-party post!

  10. This sounds like an occasion to drink your dinner. You are bringing purse liquer aren't you?

  11. So, will I see your pics in the Enquirer? Did you successfully make me proud last night?