Vodka Mom and I were married over the weekend while she claimed publicly that she was going to Florida for some Nudist Camp Convention.
Yes, there were some issues we had to work out:
1. She lives on the East Coast and I live on the West Coast so hogging the covers won't be a problem.
2. I'll have to convert to her religion, alcoholism.
3. We're not lesbians so sex will be awkward.
4. She has kids and I've seen examples of them in stores and on the streets.
5. She has a husband and I'd recognize him if I ACCIDENTALLY slept with him.
Where are we registered?
1. Every bar in the United States and Canada.
2. Rosie O'Donnell's family cruises.
3. Ellen's online store. We're both an extra small.
Where are we going on our honeymoon?
We're thinking a golf resort. Golf is pretty easy to play, isnt it?''
Why did we do this now?
Because Braja was KEEPING US APART.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
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and what about one of those extreme vacations honeymoons? Like parachuting into a village of pygmy cannibals with no weapons and no survival gear while wearing bikinis- it would be so romantic.
ReplyDelete(omg I am laughing my ass off here. truly. And that is NO small feat. )
Wishing you all the best on a life filled with Vodka wishes and caviar dreams! Sounds more a like a honeymoon out of Dr. Zhivago. Which one plays the Balilika?
ReplyDeletesniff. I always knew you two had what it would take to make it work
ReplyDeleteCongratulations! How come I wasn't invited to the wedding?
ReplyDeleteDon't forget to also register with your local pharmacy.
VODKA MOM WE FORGOT TO REGISTER AT WALGREEN'S.
ReplyDeleteLMAO!!! Why didn't I think to register at all my favorite bars?!?!? You two deserve a lifetime of happiness together (apart but together, I guess is more apropos)!
ReplyDelete...Now that you two are out of the picture Braja is ALL MINE!!!! Mwaaa ha ha ha ha!!
Mazel Tov! May you two live apart in a fuzzy aolcoholic daze, like all marriages are supposed to work ;)
ReplyDeleteWelcome to alcoholism. You're gonna love it!
ReplyDeleteI am glad you finally found some worthy of you, Suzy. And since you are both extra small BOOM! you just doubled your wardrobe. Except in the underwear department but really who wants to wear someone else's pee stained undies?
ReplyDeleteDon't answer that.
Who led the first dance? I'm betting my money on VKMom! ;)
ReplyDeleteCall me when you're ready to expand your family. I'm availible.
ReplyDeleteAre you going to become Mormon and take on more than one wife?
ReplyDeleteDid you forget to tell Comedy GOddess that we are adopting her?
ReplyDelete(I went ahead and registered us at the local AA. )
You two better get a pre-nup, stat!
ReplyDeleteWith all those bar registries you guys are going to get loads of liquor... it's gonna be an ugly split!