For new readers, I randomly post unedited lines from emails I get. They're all anonymous but you can out yourself if you want. I have strange, funny and demented friends. See the first 8 Mailbags under the label at the bottom of this post if you don't believe me.
-OH MY GOD!!!! I am so happy to hear from you that I would pee in my pants, were it not for the fact that I died of boredom 6 months ago!
-Here's an invite for you to be my friend on the site icanhascheezburger.com. This is where I keep my favorite funny pictures and other fun stuff. It'd be great if you could check it out and rate it or leave a comment.
-I sent you a ginuwine (sic) email and ginuwine (sic) interest in your site and its content. It's mind blowing that you would talk to someone who's a fan of your site the way you talked to me.
-My night was bordering on ruined.
-He quit blogging but nobody knows why.
-I had a psychic experience this morning. I had a dream last night that I made out with Harry Connick Jr., someone I would never think of, and when I turned on the TV he was on The Today Show!!!
-I do have a cousin that used to work for a record company and she "discovered" Barry Manilow!
-there used to be a hideous expression my mother and aunt would throw around with abandon at a point in my life when all I cared about was sex and drugs and how absolutely fabulous I thought I was...similar to the one you sent " getting older is not for sissys".....
-The best Thanksgiving I think I ever had was when I fed the homeless at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium
-At that point I realized that the friendly stranger was Beth, Mrs. Dog-the-Bounty-Hunter. And then to confirm my identification of her, her cell phone rang, she answered it and said, "Oh hi Dwayne."
-Y tu mama tambien.
-I was in a rental car place the other day. A guy in a military haircut was wearing a t-shirt that said, “I may not be Mr. Right but I’ll fuck you until he gets here.”
-XXXXX has requested a recommendation as Atheist Grief Counselor at Godless Grief.
-Am I happy here? I'm a miserable fuck anywhere I go.
-Okay Suzy sorry to bother you. I won't email you bout group issues ever again.
-OH MY GOD!!!! I am so happy to hear from you that I would pee in my pants, were it not for the fact that I died of boredom 6 months ago!
-Here's an invite for you to be my friend on the site icanhascheezburger.com. This is where I keep my favorite funny pictures and other fun stuff. It'd be great if you could check it out and rate it or leave a comment.
-I sent you a ginuwine (sic) email and ginuwine (sic) interest in your site and its content. It's mind blowing that you would talk to someone who's a fan of your site the way you talked to me.
-My night was bordering on ruined.
-He quit blogging but nobody knows why.
-I had a psychic experience this morning. I had a dream last night that I made out with Harry Connick Jr., someone I would never think of, and when I turned on the TV he was on The Today Show!!!
-I do have a cousin that used to work for a record company and she "discovered" Barry Manilow!
-there used to be a hideous expression my mother and aunt would throw around with abandon at a point in my life when all I cared about was sex and drugs and how absolutely fabulous I thought I was...similar to the one you sent " getting older is not for sissys".....
-The best Thanksgiving I think I ever had was when I fed the homeless at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium
-At that point I realized that the friendly stranger was Beth, Mrs. Dog-the-Bounty-Hunter. And then to confirm my identification of her, her cell phone rang, she answered it and said, "Oh hi Dwayne."
-Y tu mama tambien.
-I was in a rental car place the other day. A guy in a military haircut was wearing a t-shirt that said, “I may not be Mr. Right but I’ll fuck you until he gets here.”
-XXXXX has requested a recommendation as Atheist Grief Counselor at Godless Grief.
-Am I happy here? I'm a miserable fuck anywhere I go.
-Okay Suzy sorry to bother you. I won't email you bout group issues ever again.
I need to get funnier friends.
ReplyDeleteThat one about Harry Connick Jr.? Whoever that happened to...YOU LUCKY DUCK! If only it weren't just a dream. I'd take it, though.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking it would be really hard not to recognize Beth right off the bat--though maybe she wasn't wearing makeup and looked like one of the tabloid magazine covers of normally attractive celebs looking like train wrecks.
ReplyDeleteTell Vodka Mom I'm available.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure what to think Suzy. Many of your emails sound like things I have written, but I am quite sure I haven't emailed you. Unless it was one of my other personalities....
Did you open my email by mistake? I swear some of those sound familiar. Only you forgot to include the one from Forung.
ReplyDeleteWhy am I not getting comments like this?! These are... I don't know what they're but they're entertaining, that's for sure!
ReplyDelete"I was in a rental car place the other day. A guy in a military haircut was wearing a t-shirt that said, “I may not be Mr. Right but I’ll fuck you until he gets here.”
He deserves some action just for being honest ;)
funny- but right now i'm going through the bloated and gassy part of my gastroenteritis...so every time i laugh i toot...so no laughing for me.
ReplyDeleteTMI? I don't give a shit anymore...no pun intended.
You get email from some odd birds, Suzy. But I guess you know that already. . .I think my last email to you probably read, "Have you joined facebook? Join facebook already!" Or something like that.
ReplyDeleteYay, I am still insane enough to make your mail bags, my favorite!
ReplyDeleteI also had a dream I was married to Fred Rogers.
Juice poured over the keyboard via my nasal crevices is not a pleasant thing.
ReplyDelete