Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Breaking (Up) Bad

I've been asked to put together bad (or funny) (or tragic) breakup stories in the hopes something might come of it. So if you have one, send it to my email (in my profile). Under 500 words. No restrictions whatsoever.

Here's the first one from Birgen, 19.  No, you don't have to reveal your age, real name or the names of any of the people who trashed your heart unless you want to.

Vince was a handsome 6'7" linebacker. I had an internship at a church the summer before we met and I introduced him at a church service to my friend Annie, another intern. Annie was kind of a granola-lesbian-man-hands-short-hair-christian kind of girl so I figured I had nothing to worry about. Yeah they ended up having sex not long after. And I was really hot back then... WHYYYYYYY

Aaron broke up with me on our 10 month anniversary at Olive Garden because he said he was afraid of commitment and that 10 months was getting too serious. I found out a few weeks later that he had been cheating on me with a girl named Katie. This was over 3 years ago. Aaron and Katie are still dating. Real commitment-phobe...

and my favorite

Tommy was a schizophrenic drug addict! (How could this go wrong?!) He had to go to treatment and I went to visit him every day. We had agreed to be on friendship terms at this point because a relationship would be hard for him to focus on in treatment. One day we were in his hospital room and he kept trying to kiss me. I said no because he was the one who really wanted to be just friends, and he replied by saying that he was in love with me and wanted me to be his girlfriend. I said "are you sure?" and he said "yes." He told me he loved me and would never hurt me just so he could get laid. Sooooo things happened (he had a private room) and then visiting hours were over.

Literally, just made it out of the parking lot, and Tommy calls me from the hospital phone and said he had changed his mind and that he didn't want to date me anymore. I was an absolute wreck knowing that I was used for my body like that. My emotions got the best of my driving abilities and I ran a red light with a cop behind me. Got pulled over, he asked for my license and I was so out of it and bawling so hard that I gave him my credit card.

He goes "Jesus, just go home." I did and then I drank a lot of wine with my cat.


  1. Erica3:53 PM

    hahahaha I love these!!

  2. Wow, I predict you're going to be beseiged with emails on this subject. Good luck in sorting them out Suzy!

  3. -->I'm already enjoying these and may just have to email you one of my own.

  4. Oh, that last one. Cop should have given her an escort home. That's cold.

  5. Anonymous11:13 PM

    I can't wait to read more! (I'll send one soon but it's 2 am). I just sent in my $3 donation to win a dinner with Barack and George Clooney and my brain is working overtime on the fantasy of what it will be like for my ex to find out I had dinner at "George's place." (I agree with you, no one would cheat on George Clooney. LOL)
    Back to reality. Under 500 words? wait… isn't that a restriction?

  6. "He was a schizophrenic drug addict...what could go wrong."

    Famous last words,uttered by us all.

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