Tuesday, July 28, 2009


My new url is now http://www.wherehotcomestodie.com/. Ann's Rants bullied me into it becoming a dot com because apparently she is the boss of me. Adjust yourselves because the blogspot one goes to a very strange page the last time I looked.

I spoke to my mother yesterday and told her I met a cute Frenchman at the screening of Funny People. He was eating a box of Junior Mints and remarked to another man two seats over that he'd never had a Junior Mint. WHAT?

I turned around in my seat and said, "How is that even possible?"
"I'm from Europe."
"Where in Europe?"

And then he and I lapsed into French, he gave me some Junior Mints and the other man said, "Wow, it must be nice to just bust out another language like that."

Not to mention get free Junior Mints without begging.

So now my mother tells me she and Lindy read an article that says that you should speak a foreign language to your baby NO LATER than at 7 months. By 11 months, it's harder for them to learn. At 11 months aren't they just spitting up food and mocking you? Christ, I JUST LEARNED ENGLISH LAST YEAR.

So I reminded her that I try to practise my Spanish as much as possible but I really don't get that much opportunity. I told her our handyman, Humberto, learned English by watching American TV. I also mentioned he was in my apartment one day when I had to translate the Spanish word for Birds of Paradise. My mother asked me what the Spanish word was and I said I didn't remember because I doubted that the plant, Birds of Paradise, was going to come up in a lot of conversations.

"Zen what ARRRE you learrrrning?"
"Currently I'm concentrating on 'Please don't kill me' in case I run into one of the Crips."
"Well just rrememberrrr you 'ave to say a word 300 times before you really get eet."
"300? I thought it was 3?"
"Mais non, 300."
"Maybe I should since there are crips all over L.A."
"Zere arrrrr crips everywhere."
"Well, not everywhere, but mainly in L.A."
"We 'ave crips in France too."
"You do?"
"Mais bien sur, zey spray paint walls, arrre rude in zee subway and are good for nossing."
"Those are CREEPS Mom, not Crips."
"Oh you and your Engleesh."

Now Humberto is going to be afraid of me when I keep asking him not to kill me because he's the only Spanish speaking person I know.

End of chat.


  1. I speak a foreign language, it is called British English. Seriously, two cultures separated by a common language.

  2. I took spanish for years and I'm lucky if I can still use it to count to ten.

    I guess I was a little buzzed during spanish class.

  3. Anonymous1:10 PM

    My favorite Spanglish of all time (and no, Governator, you may not use it), "Hasta la bye bye."
    Aloha, MJ

  4. What good is a language if you can't beg for your life or find the bathroom?

  5. Sounds like the perfect way to meet a man!

  6. We all owe you a debt of gratitude.



    Welcome to your own domain. Start seinfeld jokes...NOW.

  7. Shit, thanks. Now not only am I nervous for my upcoming solo trip to L.A., you're telling me my kids are screwed because no hable espanol??

  8. Yes, 'where is the bathroom' should be the first thing you learn . . .

  9. I speak English, Bad English, and Typo fluently. I speak just enough French, German, and Italian to convince the natives that Americans are truly insane.

    I'm learning Spanish so I can read the street signs, business signs, and billboards around my home as well as medical forms at the local hospital and possibly be able to communicate with the majority of the folks living around here.

    I'm learning sign language because I like to talk with my mouth full (I still want to know if it's rude to sign with your hands full...).

    I speak in four or five different languages to the Evil Genius, often in one sentence, just to keep him on his toes (no, it has nothing to do with the fact that I only know a few words in any given tongue). Sometimes I'll say one thing and sign another, just to mess with him. hey, I'm his mother, it's my JOB to drive him crazy. I put in overtime, because I'm that dedicated.

    Shade and Sweetwater,

  10. rotflmao...dang there is no hope for me now..being the 25 year old I am I will never speak anything foreign except for my broken English ;-) how r all my homies?

  11. Anonymous3:24 PM

    Must comment again. Where is the bathroom is "Donde esta las banos (or alternatively, "las damas")?" But more important is "Donde esta la zapateria?" (Where is the shoe store?)

  12. you might have to keep your mother. She is a great source for blog fodder.

    And she might be able to join the Crips.

  13. Aren't CREEPS and Crips the same thing?

  14. I would love to be a fly on the wall in your house. I imagine your facial expressions might have been worth watching.

  15. HEH ... Crips creeps ... tomato tomahto!!!

    funny post


  16. Anonymous7:23 PM

    You are funny and your mom sounds great. Mine is a nut job that I just keep around in case my self esteem gets to high.

  17. So how did it end with your French guy? Anyway i just stopped to say that i love your blog and i would love to add one another as followers. Just let me know OR add me and I will then add you! Just our trying to network with other creative souls.

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