Tuesday, January 01, 2008

New Year's Resolutions For My Friends

-Stop complaining about the same thing over and over. I can’t fix it. If I could, I’d fix all the things I complain about over and over.

-Make up your mind in less than four days. As fascinating as the difference is between ecru and taupe, your equivocation gets on my last available nerve. Choose one and move on.

-Stop asking me what I think you should do with your life. I don’t know what I should do with my life and yours interests me even less.

-Stop asking me if you should have plastic surgery. Look in the mirror. If you don’t burst into tears, the answer is no.

-Stop asking me if you should lose weight. Look in the mirror. If you burst into tears, the answer is yes.

-Stop asking me for my opinion over and over and over. Even a 3 year old knows what he wants.

-Do not re-gift my ass. If you do I will tell your mother about all the sex you had in grade school. See how that works?

End of chat.


  1. I wish mine would stop asking ME if *I* should lose weight... ;) Happy New Year! (And I love the sexy sweaters of Xmas idea! And, apparently, exclamation points...)

  2. What a great idea! I think I'll do this for my husband and his mother. I'm sure they will really appreciate it, thank me over and over, and ask that I please do this for them again next year. I'm going to start right now!

  3. If I were to stop complaining about the same thing over and over, I would have to shut down my blog!

    Happy New Year to you Suzy!

  4. Anonymous1:03 PM

    I love exclamation points too. Suzy, do you think I should love them as much as I do?

    Prinn xxxx

  5. Well, what the hell am I going to do now?!

  6. Anonymous4:42 PM

    I don't get the re-gifting thing at all. If you don't want something that's still decent, give it to Goodwill, people!

  7. 8 exclamation points in 6 posts. I guess everyone is really happy to see 2007 go.

  8. Way to go Suzy, I'm digging the friend resolutions... I'm gonna send that shit to all of my friends. I may loose a few of them in the process but what the hell, that's just a few less headaches... Why is it I'm the freaking go to gal for everyone’s "What do you think I should do" questions... I have a hard enough time figuring out what I'm to do in life, but for some strange ass reason they all think I have it all together and have all of the answers. I just looked in the mirror and I look nothing like the damn Dalai Lama so they need to have a wake up call and your resolutions is just the ticket!!

    By the way in a couple of hours it will be "AFTER" the 1st of the year so who wins the pet contest, it’s time to stand strong girlfriend and make a decision!! : )

    Hope you had an awesome New Years Eve and New Years Day!! 2008 will be the shit, I just know it!!!!!

  9. I loved this list- what about the friends who always ask you- do i look bad wearing this? I mean- if you have to ask, the answer would be yes.

    :) Happy new year!

  10. People quit asking me for my opinion on shit like this after I started answering everyone with "Just kill yourself. You'll solve all your problems and everyone else will certainly feel better."