Monday, June 22, 2009

The 80's Never Went Away. Except For the Hair. Which Went To New Jersey.

This is a picture taken the day of my mom's second marriage. Let's make fun of my sister's Mt. Vesuvius hair. Only we can't because then you'll ask me why I was wearing that ridiculous pink and white surfer sweater to a wedding in PARIS FUCKING FRANCE, the city where haute couture was born. My mother stared at that sweater until I could feel her eyeballs waltzing through my lower intestines. She asked me if I was going to change before the ceremony and I was like, "Naaaoooooooohh."

This was the late 80's and those stockings on my mom and sister are back in style. The black lizard purse with a jade clasp was my sister's, a gift from an English boyfriend who knew how to shop. My mother kept it because she also knows how to shop. I've had the same hairdo since the first grade. Sad.

Friday morning a SIG alert on the 405/101 interchange was on TV. A truck had plowed into a white BMW and killed two people. My sister drives a white BMW. I looked for the fin on the back and it was there. I went completely ballistic because I knew they had an early doctor's appointment for my mother and that's the route we both use to go back and forth. I called Lindy's cell, no answer. No answer at home either. I left post traumatic stress disorder messages in a basso profundo voice. "Call me immediately."

Then I paced and thought, good grief, I just lost my entire family. I'm an orphan. And the worst part? I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE THEY KEPT THEIR ONLINE BANKING PASSWORDS.

Lindy called me one minute later. I filled her in on what was going through my head when I saw the accident flash on the screen.

"There are more white BMWs in L.A. than white people and you thought it was mine?"
"It could have been."
"You're out of Xanax again aren't you?"
"Maybe."
"I'm hanging up."
"Before you go, roughly how much is that dining room buffet worth?"
"Asshole."

Man, people are so TOUCHY about their stuff.

End of chat.

29 comments:

  1. Well your PTSD is something I would have experienced at the news of a collision too!
    Now, I am digging your sister's hair! I had that same hair in 1988! Loved the 80's and big hair!

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  2. Anonymous2:06 AM

    Pastor Sharon and I seem to have insomnia tonight!!! LOL.

    My mind also runs wild when my boys are late coming home from a friends.

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  3. Same haircut since first grade?? You are making me feel so pulled together and with it!! I still do the '80s hot rollers.

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  4. well WTF else were you supposed to think? I do the same stuff. I am happy everything turn out ok. Why do we do that to ourselves?


    I loved the 80's hair! I miss my feathers. The surfer sweater to a wedding? Rock On!

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  5. damn I shouldn't CBC.. comment before coffee. I ramble

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  6. How very unreasonable.

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  7. > Man, people are so TOUCHY about their stuff.

    FINALLY, you understand.

    Give me back my red chair!

    Boss O xxxx

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  8. I would have freaked out, too.

    And I love your sister's hair. She looks like the lead singer from Twisted Sister, but don't tell her I said that, 'k?

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  9. I'm glad I'm not the only one that jumps straight to the worst case scenario... I wonder what that means?!

    And the dining room buffet?! Skip it. Furniture doesn't get the big money... you need to go for the 401k and forget about the small stuff!

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  10. Hey what is wrong with your sisters hair? (I'm originally from Texass and the higher the hair well the higher the hair.)

    Also how cute are the 3 of you.

    Finally, I do that too. My sister drives a Mercedes and I saw one crashed on the 5 the other day. She was on her way to LA when I had last spoken with her. I of course ran the entire scenario through my mind until I saw the driver, a LARGE middle eastern man. I sighed and put the phone down, a little disappointed that I would not be inheriting her Chanel Purse and sunglasses.

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  11. People would laugh and point if I wore my first grade hairstyle--the shag.

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  12. My first grade hair? By the looks of my school photo it should be called the Mama Pin Curl Explosion!

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  13. I've had the same hairdo since first grade too. I've tried all kinds of other dos, and they all look stupid on me. It's the hair. This is aaall it does.

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  14. wow! Must've been scary! Specially if that money all went to waste!:)

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  15. But two critical questions:
    1. Have you or your sister changed hair styles since then? (I'd like to see you in BIG hair)
    2. Did you get the passwords?

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  16. OMG too funny I love 80 style only cause those were the days plus I was skinny and high most the time but thats something else. Being a Jersey girl back in my youth I was 2 inches taller cause of my bangs and perm!

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  17. Look at all you 80's freaks!

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  18. You're sister looks like she should be rolling around on the hood of a car in a Whitesnake video!

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  19. nuffin wrong wiff her hair, mine's like that... sans the curls... yeah, still male, last i checked :P lol

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  20. I am the SAME DAMN WAY!!! Every time I hear a siren I KNOW it's my kid....


    whew. I am sending you xanax ASAP.

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  21. Did I forget to mention the hair?


    um.


    well.

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  22. My hair was so big today because of the humidity, I took a picture of it. I don't know what to do, nothing works to keep it straight.
    Where's your big hair?

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  23. I love that you wore that sweater to your Mom's wedding.

    Talk about giving a fashion flip-off.

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  24. I had your sister's hairdo until the id 90s. Don't tell anyone because I'll deny it.

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  25. i had to come back and laugh at the hair. One more time.

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  26. See we call your sister's hairdo "centerfold hair." I had it for many years until I went insane and CUT IF OFF! It never REALLY goes out of style.

    Good news is it wasn't your sister's Beemer. Bad news is you're out of Xanax.

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  27. You kill me. And here I would have believed that the pink and white sweater was haute couture.

    My mom was kind enough to give me a bunch of old pictures of myself. Hair disasters abound. For the next several mothers days, I plan to mail mom a card with one of the pictures of me in it. Issues?

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  28. HA- Her hair nearly covers YOUR face. :) I love your mom's stockings! Glad the BMW wasn't your sister for damn sure........hilarious conversation with her though.

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