R.I.P. Michael, Farrah, Ed And Governor Who?

I don't care if Governors cheat on their wives. Arnold Schwarzenegger has been doing it for well over 20 years before our great state of California ELECTED HIM GOVERNOR. TWICE. It's apparently a prerequisite out here.

I suspose if you were a huge fan of the 70's and 80's, yesterday was a big loss for you. I wrote recently about seeing Farrah. I was at the Improv on Melrose uselessly sucking up to anyone over the age of 16. She didn't look right but was surrounded by a coterie of young comics and tourists. She was graciously signing autographs and taking pictures with everyone. I, for once, stayed away from her because she looked melancholy. Something seemed off. I found out later that was the time frame she was diagnosed with cancer.

If you saw the shameless View yesterday morning, you heard Baba Wawa pimping out her special on Farrah Fawcett-almost-O'Neal. She mentioned 3 times they moved it up a day because they announced that Farrah was hours from death. My heart was beating so fast. THANK GOD I FINALLY WATCHED THE VIEW TODAY.

So when Michael Jackson died, all I could think about was Barbara pulling out the hair under her wig knowing she'd been officially wiped off the news. They're mentioning it out here every 5 minutes of every hour on Jackson. If you look closely at the footage on Michael, you can see the kerchief in front of his face hides the loss of his nose, which collapsed long ago and finally could not be fixed. He wore a custom made nose plate and wore the kerchief to hide it. There are still some side shots where the plate gapes over the nose and you can see it. It looks like a nose eave.

It's terrible and cheap to talk about Jackson's plastic surgery but hello, have you met me?

Thriller, still best album and video ever. RIP Jacko. Little boys everywhere can breathe a sigh of relief.

RIP Ed McMahon. I did Starsearch with Ed. Mr. McMahon was a large man. Tall and broad and just, big. The only time you got to see him was when they were lining up the two finalists for possible national humiliation. So there I was, standing next to X Comic (I got in trouble with my buddy Ron the last time I mentioned and trashed this comic's win so I'll leave out his name) and Ed announced our scores. I got 3 and a quarter stars and X comic got 3 and 3 quarters stars. If you watch the tape, you see me stand there a second trying to remember fractions. I cannot. Ed gently moved me along. I was mortified.

And just to prove to you all those shows are rigged, my Dad said to me later, "How could that guy have won over you? "

Apparently the editors agreed with my Dad because when I received a copy of the tape, they had removed my biggest joke, the one that got an applause break, another joke and cut my overall time down by 60 seconds. Obviously if they had felt that K.A. really should have won, they would have left all my stuff intact. They edited me out to make Mr. Apio look better.

So again, heartfelt good wishes and best ever to Kermit Apio.

And my final thought. If one more person refers to a dead person with "He's in a better place right now" I would just like to respond with.

How do you know? Have you been there? Fool.

End of chat.