Thursday, June 04, 2009

Me Talk Funny One Day?

It's impolite to make fun of foreigners when they speak. Unless they're your mother.

Me and Mom in Soho in New York.

Mom often makes mistakes when she speaks English but because she converses in 4 languages, we try to overlook it. (lie) It's my sister's and my favorite pastime because we're ungrateful, spoiled brats and jealous that we only speak English and French. And swear in Spanish.

Three days ago this was my phone conversation with my mom:
"Your seester and I went to a lovely partee in Beverly Hills zis afternoon."
"That's nice."
"They had so much food. We had champagne and shrimp and locamolé."
"Oui Mon Dieu, weeth avocados."

Then two days ago she told me she was going with my sister and June Lockhart to Lake "heroin." How do you know when you get there? Curt Cobain and John Belushi are lying dead on the shore?

She was trying to say Lake "Arrowhead."

My first French boyfriend was named Pascal. He had a chalet in Val D'Isère, France and we were going skiing. I had made an appointment to have my legs waxed for the trip but at the last minute Pascal moved the trip up. I was so upset that I ran down the street and popped my head into the waxing shop and shouted, "Je suis desolé mais je ne peux pas venir pour le cirage." Then I ran all the way home to my mom's place. She and my stepfather were having coffee and I told them what happened. They started laughing and I asked them what was so funny. They said I had told the women at the shop that I couldn't come for my shoe shine. Me and Pascal. He's looking at my eyes and I'm looking at his lips. He was very hot. And I don't ski.

End of chat.


  1. Here from Vodka Mom because, you're right. She does scare me. I just read on your profile thing that you were the one that got the last chocolate babka??? OMG!! Fore real??? That was one of my favorite episodes. You made them show up with a CINNAMON babka! Rude.

    Anyway, not what this post was about, right? I'm wondering if you shaved your legs or just went on your date all hairy??? He's cute!

  2. I was wondering the selfsame thing as Amber. Is it grossly inappropriate and ignorant to say that I always thought the French liked hairy women? Pascal was quite the looker. Yum.

    Btw, thanks for your kind words. I miss her dearly.

  3. So Sweet and Funny.
    Oo La La Pascal
    After the picture you jumped him, right
    How could you not?

    Peace - Rene

  4. Anonymous3:53 AM

    guess where I'll be spending a day in August? Just a day though which is better than no days? Oui mon Dieu, Paris. So i took out my French book to brush up on my French- hopefully I can play stupid Spanish tourist instead of stupid American tourist and they'll be nicer to me this time.

  5. oh sweet lord in HEAVEN he is CUTE CUTE CUTE.

    And your mother speaking in code???

    I love it..........

  6. You ARE too funny! And Pascal! Where is he now? Think he'll be interested in having an affair with a semi-slacker momma with 3 wild children & a would-be jealous husband?

  7. So am I the only one who saw that picture and thought "Oh, my goodness, I think my left leg is bigger around than Mizz Suzy in that photo?"?

    Come to think of it...I think my left leg is bigger around than Mizz Suzy today, so...

    Still, the burning question seems to be - did Mizz Suzy defuzz her getaway sticks, or was she au natural for her skistravaganza??

    Shade and Sweetwater,

  8. He definitely gives off a Gael Garcia Bernal vibe. Holy hotness, Batman!

  9. You may have to record your mom and put it on your blog.

  10. Your Mom sounds like someone I'd love to drink with. And Pascal oh my I never new french man were so yummy!

  11. I want to go to Lake Heroin with Pascal!

  12. You are BOTH hot. Great great photo.

    I can't help but love your mom a little.

  13. Anonymous11:25 AM

    I love the language thing. In Hawai`i, there is an island called Lana`i (pronounced la-ny-ee). There is another word, lanai, pronounced lah-ny. A cousin of mine just reported her new grandchild was named "Lanai," as they thought that island was so beautiful. With that spelling, they have named the child "patio" or "porch." I will let them continue with their delusions.

  14. Your mom could rival with Marinka's mom on who is the funniest!!
    You look so cute in that pic! No wonder he wanted to go with you!!

  15. Wait! They wax their legs in France? REALLY? I always heard French women went around hairy or was it Harry? Anyway when I was there I kept trying to look and see if they had hairy legs. I think that the French Women thought I was a lesbian starring at their legs.

  16. Suzy. . . my goodness! Did you hold onto that Mr. Pascal? He's quite lovely. . and the two of you would be a handsome, beautiful couple.
    Of course, looks.. . is a skin deep kinda thing. . .
    Do you still get your shoes shined at that waxing salon?

  17. Don't you know better than to make fun of your lovely mother's accent?! She probably has people falling all over her when she visits you!

    You guys look so much alike, so means you're lovely too. Now Pascal... merde mon, he's hot!

  18. I've never been to Lake Heroin, is that near Wally World?

    And I for one am not really a fan of locamole`, but I'm glad your mom liked it.

  19. ''Lake "heroin." How do you know when you get there? Curt Cobain and John Belushi are lying dead on the shore?''

    Perhaps just their effigies float delicately along the shore?...


    Love your mom, tho.

  20. So did you learn to ski or did you find other entertainment? With your scorching hot looks I'm betting you found other entertainment...

  21. Anonymous8:06 PM

    Lol. My mom is the same way!

    Her most annoying thing is when she's talking about volume. Instead of saying "turn it up" or "turn it down", she says "make it big" or "make it small".

    Taken out of context, it's quite embarrassing in public.

  22. When I first got to Algiers I was all french-learn-ed up (although it was like Nov 2001, so most of conversational french dealt with hijackers, airplanes and terrorism - we learn from the news at FSI)

    Anyway, not long after I told an Algerian "je suis chaude." because it was a hot day and I was wearing a sweater.

    The guy looked horrified and ran away from me. This pretty much cements my resolve (a) never to speak a foreign language to anyone; and (b) that I'm no longer a hottie!

  23. You and Pascal look like you're in that Roman Polanski film where three people, under all kinds of sexual tension goes sailing. I think it's your striped shirt.

  24. haha ... I love different accents. Unfortunately the only ones I hear (and far too often) are pakistani's in chat rooms. It's perplexing to say the least. I'd love to hear a nice lovely frenchmen speak from time to time. Ya know?


  25. LOVE this picture!!! He is a bit sexy aye?? :)

  26. I'm struck by how much you look like Bridget Fonda in that photo. Only prettier, of course.

    Pascal looks like he came from central casting. Parfait.