Me Talk Funny One Day?

It's impolite to make fun of foreigners when they speak. Unless they're your mother.

Me and Mom in Soho in New York.

Mom often makes mistakes when she speaks English but because she converses in 4 languages, we try to overlook it. (lie) It's my sister's and my favorite pastime because we're ungrateful, spoiled brats and jealous that we only speak English and French. And swear in Spanish.

Three days ago this was my phone conversation with my mom:
"Your seester and I went to a lovely partee in Beverly Hills zis afternoon."
"That's nice."
"They had so much food. We had champagne and shrimp and locamolé."
"Locamolé?"
"Oui Mon Dieu, weeth avocados."

Then two days ago she told me she was going with my sister and June Lockhart to Lake "heroin." How do you know when you get there? Curt Cobain and John Belushi are lying dead on the shore?

She was trying to say Lake "Arrowhead."

My first French boyfriend was named Pascal. He had a chalet in Val D'Isère, France and we were going skiing. I had made an appointment to have my legs waxed for the trip but at the last minute Pascal moved the trip up. I was so upset that I ran down the street and popped my head into the waxing shop and shouted, "Je suis desolé mais je ne peux pas venir pour le cirage." Then I ran all the way home to my mom's place. She and my stepfather were having coffee and I told them what happened. They started laughing and I asked them what was so funny. They said I had told the women at the shop that I couldn't come for my shoe shine. Me and Pascal. He's looking at my eyes and I'm looking at his lips. He was very hot. And I don't ski.

End of chat.