Thursday, June 25, 2009

Don't Talk To The Animals Or The Baby Seal Gets It. It's Okay, I Don't Understand It Either.

In the last 2 weeks, I've noticed an uptick in people's behavior with their pets that unfortunately involves me.

-Telling your dog to poop is not going to make your dog poop. Especially while I'm standing there talking to you about where to go for dinner.

-No I don't want to hear your cat purr into the phone. I have an appointment to stick a javelin in my eye and need to go find an empty jar to put the blood in so I have to go.

-Describing how your dog looked at you and said "Come on Pop I want to walk over there so I said okay Sandy we'll walk over there and then she does her business and looks at me and says Pop I'm ready to go now."

-Telling your pet to EAT RIGHT NOW is the same as your mother telling you to fix your hair.


SEX WILL CURE THESE BAD HABITS.

Have some.

23 comments:

  1. Sex?

    I think I'd just stick to walking them, if that's okay?

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  2. LMAO at Jules!!

    I didn't really notice how much I do these things with my dog. Thanks for the awareness!

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  3. Is that a vegetarian javelin?

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  4. I don't even do these things with my kids (except for humor potential on my blog). In real life? Never.

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  5. Sex?! What's that??

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  6. Wait. Sex for the animals or sex for the owners. And I know you didn't mean sex WITH the... I'm not even gonna go there.

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  7. My daughter says I have whole conversation with my puppy, Lexi; she's probably right because I know Lexi will agree with anything I say.

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  8. OMG guilty here I tell my dog to poop! Damn such a loser!

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  9. I would never tell my dogs to poop. They manage to figure that out on their own, and I'm actually good with that.

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  10. sSex, dog & baby seals in one post....I hear PETA knocking

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  11. Whose a good Suzywoozy? Whose a good girl? Suzywoozy wanna go for a walkee? Come on girl, come on! Let's go! Suzy wanna go for a walk? Good girl...

    Yeah I talk to my friends like I talk to my dogs. I wonder why I don't have any friends?

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  12. Telling your dog to stop pooping doesn't work either.

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  13. My dogs talk to me all the time! They tell me what neighbors I should off because they've throwing stuff over their to my yard. I obediently go and grab a bat...

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  14. OMGosh! I am guilty as charged. Daisy and I talk, sing and she is so brilliant! hmmmm maybe I should take your advice!

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  15. Maybe you stick the javelin in their eye. You know . . . appropriate punishment for that sort of behavior and all.

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  16. I don't have animals but if I did I would make another word for poop...like Explode...then tell it to Explode and bam - Poop. That would be better then cutely saying "come on fluffy - poop". Anyway - love the blog!

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  17. Anonymous12:03 PM

    S,
    Didn't you once take your dog on a jet to Europe or somewhere? I'm just as bad. I was going to move to Hawaii via a cruise ship until they told me the cat couldn't be in the cabin w/me. I flew, 1st class, and poor kitty was in cargo.
    Aloha,
    MJ

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  18. But my hubby is not here in this country! So what you're saying is that is okay?? Well then. I will direct him to you if he has any questions.

    So what I hear you saying is that marriage vows are NOT valid in a foreign country. Seriously, that's what I thought too.

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  19. Speaking of sex, I'm not sure I'm ready for the javelin in my eye.

    ;)

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  20. The conversations I have with my dog are some of the best I have.

    BTW love your new haircut

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  21. solo sex work, too? :O lol

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  22. Okay, words I missed in my comment because I was high.

    *been*
    *fence*

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  23. I tell my dogs to get off their asses and go do the laundry but they never listen - and that proves a point... I do need sex! Thanks for the reminder that everyone in the world is getting it but me. :) lol

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