His Dead Wife Moves In With Me

I've gone through my novel, His Dead Wife, and parsed out the rest of the story and just strung together the freaky events, of which there are many more. But you'll have to wait until my book is published by some REALLY INTELLIGENT AGENT WHO I DON'T HAVE YET to read the rest.

So the story jumps forward, after the VCR incident.

I've always been a terrible sleeper. Earplugs, night mask, blackout shades, a sound machine and 2 Unisom a night sometimes all kick in and I can finally sleep.

One night I got up to pee in the middle of the night and saw a pinkish glow coming from my living room. More curious than fearful I walked towards the pink light and realized the stereo was on and since it rotates colors when it's on, blue, red, orange, pink, it was on the pink cycle. As I got closer, I saw that it was not only on but the lid was open.

Closed Lid

Open Lid

What's so weird about that?

I hadn't left it on. I can barely sleep so if there's a pink glow coming from my living room I would have noticed. The buttons on this cheap $100. stereo are behind the CDs so you have to move them to turn it on. When I found the lid open, the CDs were all flush against the stereo. I thought maybe I had absent-mindedly used the remote. I keep it near my desk, opposite the stereo. I found the remote in the bottom of a basket 2 shelves down. It took me 14 seconds to even locate the "Open Lid" function. It was definitely not me. It was comforting to know Alzheimers had not moved in.

I turned it off and went back to bed. I woke up the next day and still couldn't figure out how the stereo had turned itself on.

A few months later I was in a deep sleep. Suddenly I heard talking. In my bedroom. I opened my eyes and saw that the TV had turned itself on. This time I was scared and sat bolt upright. I searched for the remote. Had I rolled over it? Where the hell was it? In a drawer in one of my side tables. If I tossed and turned I would have had to launch myself 2 feet in mid air to get to that remote. In a drawer. I'm pretty sure that would have woken me up.

I walked into the kitchen and got a hammer. Not a little hammer but a full grown huge manly man hammer. I have no idea why I didn't grab a knife but I thought, a knife will produce blood and then I'd have to clean up AND go to prison. But I reasoned a hammer would just produce a huge hurty hole in the body of...of... of WHO?

I was shaking. Who was in the bedroom? I crept slowly back to bed, turned off the TV and kept the hammer and a flashlight in the bed with me. Not cuddlers, I can tell you that.

What the hell was going on in my apartment?

And then the TV turned itself on again in the middle of the night almost 2 months later. And they were talking about Los Angeles Mayor's Anthony Villaragosa's divorce. If that was a clue, it was lost on me. And then the stereo turned itself on again.

End of chat.