Friday, June 05, 2009

It's Everybody Can Bite Me Friday!

I have 8 photo albums and 6 scrapbooks. Yesterday I started to look through them early in the morning, lost track of time and then realized it was 9 pm and I had nothing in the house to eat except Metamucil.

Apparently I find myself fascinating.

But since people commented on how thin I was in yesterday's picture with Pascal I spent 2 hours today looking for THIS photo. I had just discovered my boyfriend Matty in bed with my gay hairdresser and had stopped eating altogether. I was living in San Francisco and I flew home to D.C. to get away. My father walked right past me at the airport because he didn't recognize me.

Then he took my sister and I on a cruise to Bermuda to "help me forget" and I promptly had an affair with a cute blonde guy who wore Aramis. Needless to say he made an impression because whenever I smell it I think of him. I have no idea what his name was. Like you remember all your hookups' names. Don't even pretend you do. And IF you do, you've had a boring sex life. Trust me on that one. The beauty of this is you can't argue that you haven't!

I looked like this. Probably about 98 pounds. Even back then I dressed weirdly. That navy blue purse was an old lady one from a thrift shop, I have a bracelet up on my biceps, a tooth and Greek cross around my neck and tons of turquoise rings. I would kill to still have those sunglasses. And I was smoking a cigarette in that picture!! My whole goal in life was never to look like anyone else. I succeeded AND STILL GOT LAID.
When we got back home my Dad flew me to Paris so my mother could fatten me up with locamolé at Lake Heroin. And I slowly gained the weight back, especially after meeting Pascal.

Where is he now? He married a very rich girl. My mother said he would never marry me because we weren't rich enough. What's love got to do with it? Apparently nothing.

End of chat.

34 comments:

  1. Psh... men! You can't live with them and you can only fit one in the trunk.

    You look so cute in that pic. Who's the stalker behind you?

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  2. Lord have mercy child. . . if a big wind had come along, you would have been overboard!

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  3. you have a gift............

    and apparently anorexia.

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  4. And a thrift shop purse?????

    We might be related after all.

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  5. Good lord - I would have been begging people, in the name of all that's good, to give you a pork chop...please!!!

    Did you know there's a ghost in that pic? Creepy...

    Don't get me started on love...pft...

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K (who may well have weighed 98 pounds in her life...but probably well before she hit double digits in years...)

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  6. A cruise, sex & Paris....what are you complaining about.

    Oh, sorry about your BF & hair dresser. I bet you hated to lose him, it's so hard to find someone who gives a good blow(out).

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  7. Bet you're a shortie too, cause yo don't look all skin and bones at 98 lbs., just really thin.

    Love the thrift shop purse, although a bit "old lady-ie"; guess since I'm an old lady, I'd have to get one for teens, huh!

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  8. Sorry its hard to find a good hairdresser! BF are easier. Was this in the early 80's I recgonize your style! Too skinny! Eat something!

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  9. I certainly hope you stopped using that hairdresser! A couple of assholes, that's for sure, better off without both of them :).

    You look petite, glad you put the weight on, no man is worth that! BTW, what's with the bracelet up the arm, I only make ones for the wrist, maybe I'm just old fashioned, lol.

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  10. Whose tooth was that??? Aramis guy?

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  11. And Nicole Richie thinks she started the oversize sunglasses, waif thin look. Ha!

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  12. I dress weird too!

    Look at all your Vodka-laden followers!

    WOOOT!

    When she put my pic up I added ten more in one day or something.

    YAhoooooooooooooooOO!

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  13. Where's your slideshow??

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  14. That weird ghost in the background looks like a Dean Koontz book jacket. *shudders*

    I think you look cute - a little thin - but cute.

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  15. Ahh You are so much more gorgeous now!
    Men are pigs.

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  16. Shit. I think I can remember all their names...

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  17. Good job finding the picture of you at 98 pounds. Gosh, I wish I had those.

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  18. OHHH those glasses, I love them.
    I definately don't remember all my lovers names.Sometimes a song will trigger a memory, then I spend an hour trying to think of their name.
    I didn't notice the stalker, or ghost in the background until mentioned above. Freaky.

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  19. I'm going to answer all the quesions I can remember. I'm 5'6", you're welcome for following you, I follow anyone who is kind enought to follow me, I know I could count on Heidi to forget her exexs names, Phil, you're a man among me (???) Ann, I'm going to slap you, the ghost is probably some voyeur, although I didn't see him either, I can't remember where the tooth came from, it wasn't human but an animal's, yes men are pigs and hairdressers are hard to find and Vodka Mom rocks.

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  20. I made so many errors in that answer and that's because I haven't been out for coffee yet.

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  21. of course it'd be expecting too much for you to MAKE your own coffee? :P lol

    nah, one'd think you were a tad domesticated ;)

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  22. Anonymous11:14 AM

    Suzy,
    I am jealous, not because I haven't weighed 98 pounds since the 6th grade, but that your Dad took you on a cruise to get over the bad romance. If I had a breakup, my Dad's solution to "help me forget" would be either yard work or perhaps painting the kitchen and front hall.
    Aloha,
    MJ

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  23. Now see I think you dressed cool. Of course this is the 19 year old who had her grandmother's 1950's suites altered and wore them and a pill box hat to work in the 1970's. Go figure.

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  24. I should clarify that I was 19 way back in the 1970's and not that I'm 19 now. Although I sometimes forget that I'm not and try to act like I am. Man i just can not stay out all night drinking and dancing like I used to.

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  25. Whoa - I was in seventh grade last I saw the other side of 100 pounds! You tell the best stories, I swear.

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  26. You make me wish I was gay.

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  27. You are hot in every photo and Pascal? May I have two of those please?

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  28. I'd love to hang out at your place and look through photo albums. I'm willing to bet there are a lot of stories in there.

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  29. I find you fascinating, too!

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  30. It gets difficult with ex lovers when you cant remember names or faces...well, it was a long time ago...honest

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  31. Men suck. Then again, that's one of the reasons I enjoy them so much.

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  32. Oh my God...you look great, but that stalker in the background is creeping me out!!!

    What the hell...that looks like a ghost or something.

    Wow...I am freakin just looking at him.

    Phil

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  33. Maybe I DO dress strange, but I would purchase every item you are wearing if given the chance. Great thing is, i HAVE some sunglasses like that- they are light orange and brown frames... and make me look like a mosquito... maybe i should send them to you!

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