Friday, June 05, 2009

It's Everybody Can Bite Me Friday!

I have 8 photo albums and 6 scrapbooks. Yesterday I started to look through them early in the morning, lost track of time and then realized it was 9 pm and I had nothing in the house to eat except Metamucil.

Apparently I find myself fascinating.

But since people commented on how thin I was in yesterday's picture with Pascal I spent 2 hours today looking for THIS photo. I had just discovered my boyfriend Matty in bed with my gay hairdresser and had stopped eating altogether. I was living in San Francisco and I flew home to D.C. to get away. My father walked right past me at the airport because he didn't recognize me.

Then he took my sister and I on a cruise to Bermuda to "help me forget" and I promptly had an affair with a cute blonde guy who wore Aramis. Needless to say he made an impression because whenever I smell it I think of him. I have no idea what his name was. Like you remember all your hookups' names. Don't even pretend you do. And IF you do, you've had a boring sex life. Trust me on that one. The beauty of this is you can't argue that you haven't!

I looked like this. Probably about 98 pounds. Even back then I dressed weirdly. That navy blue purse was an old lady one from a thrift shop, I have a bracelet up on my biceps, a tooth and Greek cross around my neck and tons of turquoise rings. I would kill to still have those sunglasses. And I was smoking a cigarette in that picture!! My whole goal in life was never to look like anyone else. I succeeded AND STILL GOT LAID.
When we got back home my Dad flew me to Paris so my mother could fatten me up with locamolé at Lake Heroin. And I slowly gained the weight back, especially after meeting Pascal.

Where is he now? He married a very rich girl. My mother said he would never marry me because we weren't rich enough. What's love got to do with it? Apparently nothing.

End of chat.

33 comments:

dizzblnd said...

Psh... men! You can't live with them and you can only fit one in the trunk.

You look so cute in that pic. Who's the stalker behind you?

Pastor Sharon said...

Lord have mercy child. . . if a big wind had come along, you would have been overboard!

Vodka Mom said...

you have a gift............

and apparently anorexia.

Vodka Mom said...

And a thrift shop purse?????

We might be related after all.

Kyddryn said...

Good lord - I would have been begging people, in the name of all that's good, to give you a pork chop...please!!!

Did you know there's a ghost in that pic? Creepy...

Don't get me started on love...pft...

Shade and Sweetwater,
K (who may well have weighed 98 pounds in her life...but probably well before she hit double digits in years...)

lisa said...

A cruise, sex & Paris....what are you complaining about.

Oh, sorry about your BF & hair dresser. I bet you hated to lose him, it's so hard to find someone who gives a good blow(out).

Gaston Studio said...

Bet you're a shortie too, cause yo don't look all skin and bones at 98 lbs., just really thin.

Love the thrift shop purse, although a bit "old lady-ie"; guess since I'm an old lady, I'd have to get one for teens, huh!

Frau said...

Sorry its hard to find a good hairdresser! BF are easier. Was this in the early 80's I recgonize your style! Too skinny! Eat something!

Dee-Zigns Handcrafted Jewelry said...

I certainly hope you stopped using that hairdresser! A couple of assholes, that's for sure, better off without both of them :).

You look petite, glad you put the weight on, no man is worth that! BTW, what's with the bracelet up the arm, I only make ones for the wrist, maybe I'm just old fashioned, lol.

Dee-Zigns Handcrafted Jewelry said...

Whose tooth was that??? Aramis guy?

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

And Nicole Richie thinks she started the oversize sunglasses, waif thin look. Ha!

Ann's Rants said...

I dress weird too!

Look at all your Vodka-laden followers!

WOOOT!

When she put my pic up I added ten more in one day or something.

YAhoooooooooooooooOO!

Ann's Rants said...

Where's your slideshow??

blognut said...

That weird ghost in the background looks like a Dean Koontz book jacket. *shudders*

I think you look cute - a little thin - but cute.

ModernMom said...

Ahh You are so much more gorgeous now!
Men are pigs.

Jay Amabile said...

Shit. I think I can remember all their names...

Margo said...

Good job finding the picture of you at 98 pounds. Gosh, I wish I had those.

Heidi said...

OHHH those glasses, I love them.
I definately don't remember all my lovers names.Sometimes a song will trigger a memory, then I spend an hour trying to think of their name.
I didn't notice the stalker, or ghost in the background until mentioned above. Freaky.

Suzy said...

I'm going to answer all the quesions I can remember. I'm 5'6", you're welcome for following you, I follow anyone who is kind enought to follow me, I know I could count on Heidi to forget her exexs names, Phil, you're a man among me (???) Ann, I'm going to slap you, the ghost is probably some voyeur, although I didn't see him either, I can't remember where the tooth came from, it wasn't human but an animal's, yes men are pigs and hairdressers are hard to find and Vodka Mom rocks.

Suzy said...

I made so many errors in that answer and that's because I haven't been out for coffee yet.

laughingwolf said...

of course it'd be expecting too much for you to MAKE your own coffee? :P lol

nah, one'd think you were a tad domesticated ;)

Anonymous said...

Suzy,
I am jealous, not because I haven't weighed 98 pounds since the 6th grade, but that your Dad took you on a cruise to get over the bad romance. If I had a breakup, my Dad's solution to "help me forget" would be either yard work or perhaps painting the kitchen and front hall.
Aloha,
MJ

Gladys said...

Now see I think you dressed cool. Of course this is the 19 year old who had her grandmother's 1950's suites altered and wore them and a pill box hat to work in the 1970's. Go figure.

Gladys said...

I should clarify that I was 19 way back in the 1970's and not that I'm 19 now. Although I sometimes forget that I'm not and try to act like I am. Man i just can not stay out all night drinking and dancing like I used to.

MadMad said...

Whoa - I was in seventh grade last I saw the other side of 100 pounds! You tell the best stories, I swear.

♥ Braja said...

You make me wish I was gay.

Bee said...

You are hot in every photo and Pascal? May I have two of those please?

Eileen said...

I'd love to hang out at your place and look through photo albums. I'm willing to bet there are a lot of stories in there.

Paige Lacey said...

I find you fascinating, too!

Rosie said...

It gets difficult with ex lovers when you cant remember names or faces...well, it was a long time ago...honest

Susan said...

Men suck. Then again, that's one of the reasons I enjoy them so much.

Phil Bennett said...

Oh my God...you look great, but that stalker in the background is creeping me out!!!

What the hell...that looks like a ghost or something.

Wow...I am freakin just looking at him.

Phil

Bambi said...

Maybe I DO dress strange, but I would purchase every item you are wearing if given the chance. Great thing is, i HAVE some sunglasses like that- they are light orange and brown frames... and make me look like a mosquito... maybe i should send them to you!