Okay, your answers were phenomenal. Some were so funny and some were so clever and most of you were right. It's an outhouse. I didn't know what it was because I'm the Urban Queen. I thought it was an armoire that I could put venetian glass on.It's locked up because they saw me coming. Try and keep this in mind, being funnier than me is STRICTLY FROWNED UPON AND WILL LAND YOU A GIG AT A NUDIST CAMP.
Is Google Reader displaying differently or did I just hit the wrong button and now everything is in bullet form? I HATE IT.
I think I've mentioned I bleach my own hair. 3 times a year I use a different color of blond and the end product is natural. Everyone always asks me who does my hair and I tell them my secret. But one of my arms is not cooperating and something is ripped, torn or flesh eating around my left biceps, which I believe is the first sign of Swine Flu. So I was lying in bed 2 nights ago and came up with this great idea. I was going to pour the bleach on a fairly wide-toothed comb and just comb my hair, leaving it for the full 30 minutes.
By the next day it occurred to me I might end up with pin striped hair. But I did it anyway and I'm going to keep doing it this way because it's EASY. I'm an ash blonde irl so the differences are minimal. I'M A GENIUS and am going to open The Pin Striped Hair Salon.
Residents of Los Angeles are among the dumbest people I've ever met. The easier the job, the more stupid they become. Especially when it comes to money.
Once I came home from a tour of Canada and took my Canadian dollars to the bank.
"How much are these worth today?"
"The same as an American Dollar."
"No they're not."
"Yes they are."
"No. They're NOT."
It was the teller next to him. He looked over at her and she shook her head no in the most imperceptible way.
Another day another teller got mad at me because I made a deposit and only wanted $10.00 back.
"Why don't you take twenty; most people take twenty."
"I only need ten."
She rolled her eyes at me like I was the dumbest fork in a box of hair and handed me a twenty. I didn't say anything but walked outside and looked at my receipt and although she had given me twenty, the receipt said she gave me ten. To reward her for her condescension, I kept the twenty.
I never used to do this. I always pointed out their error but no one ever said "Gee, I'm as dumb as a fork in a box of hair." So after a while I thought I should go into The Wrong Change Business. Yesterday I went to the corner store and got two items. One was 9.98 and the other was 1.25. She rang it up as 5.23. I even asked her if that's all I owed. She said yes so I gave her a ten and she gave me 4 dollars in change. This economy is probably so fucked up because bank lenders and car dealers can't do math. I'm assuming the current government, when bailing out AIG and GM, promised them 75 billion but gave them 156 billion.
Don't buy Michael J. Fox's new book Always Looking Up unless you really want to read 50 pages of how the stem cell research and bill went throuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. He used the word 'inchoate' 3 times in the book.
Which means I had to look it up 3 times. And now I have to go pay my rent. AGAIN.
End of chat.