Friday, May 22, 2009

It's Everybody Can Bite Me Friday!

Do you have a homeless drawer like this? If I could recognize everything in it I'd sell it tomorrow at the yard sale. I've got 10 electrical cords with that big ass plug on it and no idea why I keep them. I see people at other yard sales trying to pawn them off and no one ever buys them because they have a homeless drawer of their own.

So I'm hanging out with Ofelia the manager off and on today and she says ""So when am I going to see what you've done?"

Not understanding I point to parts of my face as I rattle off "eye job, upper and lower, a nose job and a half, gortex..."

She starts laughing and says, "NO, what you've done on TV."

Oh.

I now commence emotional boxing, a team sport, with my mother who is in from Paris FOR THE NEXT 6 WEEKS.

Maman is staying chez ma soeur so I take Round One. Today over the phone I told her I had gained weight and she said, "But your sister says you look thin" so I told her I now weigh 128 and she says, "That's not thin, is it?"

If you're French, I guess not.

Me - 1
Maman - 1

End of chat.

21 comments:

  1. Oooooo....can i borrow that little orange pluggy thing on the right, up the back....

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  2. UGH! Nothing against your mom really, but that's one of the reasons why I hate the French.

    You're not fat!

    I have a feeling it's going to be a looooooooong 6 weeks for you.

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  3. I am proud to say that I am now down to only one box of cords. Down from FOUR! It also had all these phones that don't work which my kids now run around with. THose kids are on the phone ALL THE TIME. Who the hell could a 2 year old talk to for that long? Anyways, I digress. You're not fat. Frcnch people have to always be criticizing people/things, whatever they can get their hands on. And if they have nothing they can really criticize, they start picking on shit like people's weight. I say, Suzy a gagne deux et Maman? Elle a gagne zero.

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  4. I have that same drawer, except that mine also contain dead batteries because I can't stand to throw them away but haven't yet found a place to recycle them.

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  5. Yeah, I have that drawer. And because twins run in my family I have twin drawers.

    And 128 lbs?! Your fat is my thin. I'm holdin' steady at 135. nd honestly, if I can just keep from gaining anymore I'll call it a win.

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  6. I have a drawer just like that and before we moved tryed to sell it to its in a box in storage! I wish I was as fat as you! Really! Have a great weekend!

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  7. Only in California, and of course France, is 128 fat! 128 is my weight watchers goal. When I get there we'll celebrate together by eating french pastries.
    I find it difficult to throw those cords away, even though I haven't needed one from my box for a few years.

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  8. in a previous life i used to was a journeyman electrician... so ye can betcher bippy i have tons of the same stuff :O lol

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  9. I have a 10x20 storage shed looks just like this drawer!

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  10. you totally need to call me if you ever find anyone that wants that shit. I not only have that drawer - I moved it to Sudan because I was afraid I might need it here. (even though none of it will plug in here).

    WTF

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  11. I keep typing and then deleting. There are no words. Your mother is lucky you speak to her at all.

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  12. You weigh 128 pounds? We're done, me and you.

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  13. See, I just contemplate the boob job ... although those extra pounds might put my close to 120 pounds. I'm so relieved that I am sufficiently informed enough to not make that decision ... lest I near closer to the dreaded 128 pounds.

    So much for the boobs.

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  14. 128??? FAT?????

    sweet jesus where is Bitchy..I need to walk six more miles...........

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  15. You can tell your mother she's gained another point by making this 170lb mom feel like a heifer. Bitch!

    Oh and I have a few drawers like that. I love them all and use them all in rotation so they all feel loved!!!

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  16. I'm going to insist that my children start calling me Maman.

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  17. Why do I get the feeling you're in the first round of a losing battle?

    Do not bring your Maman around my place.

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  18. that box is not big enough...we have a homeless garage...my fault for living with a sound engineer

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  19. It's thin. trust me. Unless you are only 4 feet tall.

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  20. If you promise not to show a picture of the drawer in my entertainment center, I will promise to email you every day telling you that you would have made Audrey Hepburn look like a fat cow.

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  21. "Not understanding I point to parts of my face as I rattle off "eye job, upper and lower, a nose job and a half, gortex..."
    I bust out laughing, thank you!

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