Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The Answer Is Never What You Think

The year that poster was put on that pole was 2001. And every time I passed it, I, an original thinker, always said to myself, "Wow, is that thing still there?"

Lyndsay was the only one who got it right. Congratulations Lyndsay! Your prize? You get to keep reading this blog until I piss you off. You won't have to wait long.

I took the picture in October of 2006. We have no winter in L.A. AND I'M SO FASCINATING I'M TALKING ABOUT THE WEATHER and I have so turned into my parents. In a minute I'm going to ask someone how their meal was and have they seen the cherry blossoms this season and the mockingbirds on the window ledge now eat raisins. (Dad)

Ofelia, the building manager, came by today and gave me this red sleeveless top from a wholesale shop downtown, where she used to work. Having just found the weird stuff on my ear I demur and say that I really didn't want to wear a top that all but has an engraved invitation to get more weird stuff on my arms and would she like to see my ear? (Mom)

"My mother had one of those on her lip. The doctor operated on her and it was cancer and then she died."
"Holy shit." (I started crying in my head)
"She couldn't eat and I kept telling her not to have the surgery but she wouldn't listen."
"Did she die right away?" (I'm trying not to faint in my head)
"No, about five years after the surgery."
"So she died of the cancer?" (Now I'm just trying not to vomit all over myself or her in my head)
"Oh no, she died of heart failure."

PEOPLE NEED TO STOP TALKING TO ME.

FOR LIKE A YEAR.

End of chat.

14 comments:

  1. Every now and than I catch myself sounding just like my parents and if freaks me out. Good Luck with not having conversation in your head.

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  2. you are WAY too easy.......

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  3. Raisins.

    Excellent transition into bowl movements.

    Or is that your next post?

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  4. As far as I know, I haven't started to sound like my parents, but I'm sire it'll only be a matter of time until I'm telling random strangers where the pain is on my body and "tsk"ing at people.

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  5. Did you at least have on lipstick and earrings when talking to Ofelia? - Susan's Mom

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  6. Easy? She's easy? Damn...

    :)

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  7. LOL very easy..chit suzy what's that on your...?

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  8. i had a wagon, once...

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  9. I kept meaning to ask what was up with your ear boil but then I got distracted by cheese.

    According to my family, I'm turning into my aunt Mary. Because she's childless and a bitch. I used to fight it but now I embrace it.

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  10. Cherry blossoms are soo pretty. I want a cherry tree.
    I'll have to remember not to use the word "Cancer" in any of my emails to you.

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  11. well I had one of those on my leg. They cut it out and it was fine. I have not died and I have not lost my leg. Now go wear the cute red top.

    Oh did I tell you that they removed 1/2 my dad's ear? Um yeah. But he's not dead.

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  12. you seriously can not listen to that stuff!! Regardless of the prognosis it's your attitude that matters.

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  13. OMG. The weather.. Every time my mom's calls.. Is it raining there? I find myself doing it and I can feel the grey hairs coming on. That sign.. That is too funny. I cannot believe it is still there. JESUS.

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  14. Every now and then, I catch myself making this little hand gesture in a conversation that my Dad did all the time when talking. Or using one of the East Texas hick phrases that my very-well educated Mom could never get out of her vocabulary. And because that's all I really have left from them, I smile when that happens.

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