Friday, June 04, 2010

It's Everybody Can Bite Me Friday!

Remember that metal lizard behind the birdcage in my building lobby? Well sometimes, just when you think things can't get worse? MAGIC HAPPENS AND IT DOES.

It took steroids. And MOVED! The manager, or as I refer to her, Frogs and Lizards, (because she decorates with reptiles and amphibians) haz her mad metal skilz on.

Lindy just had a birthday. No one in our family has ever made a big deal about birthdays.

"Yes, you were born. And now I have to hear about it once a year for the rest of your life? Because you were so unique that you were BORN?"

However, people on Twitter make a big deal about their birthday.

"My birthday is in 3 days!"

"2 days until my birthday!!!!"

"Today's my birthday!! I'm going to get my drink on!!!!"

"We're at (place you've never heard of in a city you'd never move to) and we'fe geting our drunk goin!!!"

"Oh my god I'm sooo drunkingly!!!!!!"

"I canrt spel an uno y? BECAUS IM DRUNK AN ITS NY NIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!"

This is a picture from my sister's birthday. She did not get her drink on, until later, but which is more sad? That Lindy was boarding dogs on that day or that I was taking a picture of it?

So for all the freaks who have the importance of their birthday confused with the signing of the Declaration of Independence I have this to say:

The Declaration of Independence was signed, wasn't it? Maybe I'm thinking of the Bill of Rights.

I'm pretty sure I didn't do that well in American History. Except for the part about Pocahontas when they discussed what she was wearing. Where do you think bikers got fringe from?

THAT'S RIGHT, Pocafuckinghontas.

End of chat.


  1. oh, dear god, you are so funny.

    I'm still wiping my eyes from " I'm so drunkingly cuz it's my nfrfday"

    I love you.

    and about the you think the landlord read your post????

  2. -->I think it's time to put some feathers and chicken bones in the cage and let the other tenants come to their own conclusions.

  3. Anonymous11:50 AM

    Re: the lizard...was watching an Oprah retrospective of the interior decorator guy who is leaving to do his own show. One of the makeovers included "removal of a hideous 80s wall lizard." Oprah knows.
    Aloha, MJ

  4. WTF on that lizard? Cut his tail off and see if it grows back.

    I'm one of those birthday people. Sorry. I didn't used to be so bad, but my wife has done this to me over the last 15 years.

    I love that woman.



  5. My cousin recently traced our family back to Pochohontas which would explain a lot about my wardrobe. :)

  6. Twittering about being drunk only seems like a good idea when you're drunk.

  7. Does this mean you're not giving me anything for my birthday this year?

  8. Lewis and Clark called her:


    It's in the history book. I read it.

    After I wrote it in the margin, but whatever. Still counts.

  9. OMG! Did I miss your birthday??? LOL!

    She said, hoping the irony would translate through the comment type.

  10. That's it, in 2 months, I'm going to blast out about of tweets about how it's my birthday and I'm drunk!

  11. "Pocafuckinghontas" OMG you killed me. NOW how can I work in a good BP slam about now...?

  12. Looks like the same lizard to me, just moved from behind the cage.
    I always wondered where fringe came from, thanks for informing us.

  13. those dogs are the cutest! i stopped celebrating birthdays after i turned 30. i don't tweet my birthday plans, but i'll tweet what i ate or what i'm listening to or a picture of what i'm wearing or a celeb joke cuz that's what tweeple really care about reading, right? and i think someone read your post and fixed the entry way. it's looks way better. take care.

  14. Anonymous8:56 PM

    A 365 day countdown to their birthday on Twitter.... sounds like a boring read to me. Poke a who?? Polka dot? Git yer poke on?


  15. Lindy looks miniature next to that ginormous beast of a dog!
    HapPPPPYYYYY "Birrrthdayyyyy LInnndy! I'm off to get my drunk on.

    Well, not really, my lunesta on.

    It is bed time.

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  17. oh thank GOD you made me laugh.

    Now, exactly HOW many days til your birthday?

  18. oh thank GOD you made me laugh.

    Now, exactly HOW many days til your birthday?

  19. how does one 'pocafuckinghontas', anyway? :O lol

    yappy barfday, lindy! :P

  20. Anonymous10:39 AM

    Your sister has the right idea, invite only dogs over for a celebration.
    Dogs are grateful to be invited anywhere. These furry and festive revelers never drink up your box of wine or steal your pain pills from the medicine cabinet.
    Hamsters are also great guests.
    X David

  21. Anonymous10:51 AM

    Oh, just out of curiosity, who presented your sister with that birthday card and what appears to be a Cabbage Patch doll?
    Gotta run, I got some cats knocking on my door.

  22. It's been a bad weekend or I would have been here sooner. Speaking of weekends, my birthday will be 2 weeks from yesterday, which was Sunday, the last day of the weekend. Just in case you forgot.

    And hey, at least it wasn't Pokayurfuckingeyeout.