Friday, June 11, 2010

It's Everybody Can Bite Me Friday!

Instead of writing I've been adding widgets to my sidebar. I've added the Favorites Twitter Widget. Scroll down the side of the widget and see the jokes I've put on Twitter and the jokes of the people I've RT'd. (re-tweeted) I get to write jokes all day and not blog? I WIN.

Remember when I hated Twitter? Now I think Twitter is Jesus.

I've also been lured into Blog Frog. That's further down on my sidebar. It keeps track of the lying liars who say they don't have time to read me by putting their sorry-ass blog name and avatar on the widget.

I've lightened the load on my blog roll. I'm tired of contributing to other people's blog stats without having them contribute to mine. If you don't know about blog stats you're lucky. But I'm competitive and know about them so if you're off my sidebar it's because I'm off yours. Take THAT, Alexa!

Ever since Gary Coleman fell and then died from the brain hemorrhage resulting from that fall I keep remembering how lucky I am.

After my ankle surgery I fell three times on concrete and three times on my carpeted living room floor. My last fall, face down on a sidewalk, was violent. It's truly a miracle I didn't shatter my jaw, break my nose.

In the back of my mind I always wondered whether any of those falls had started a slow bleed that would only surface 5 minutes before I accepted my Oscar. I obsessed about that possible slow bleed all the time. Especially before I fell asleep because I can't find enough ways to keep the insomnia going. Because of that fall I had to have an MRI and ... there was nothing wrong with my brain.

Faulty equipment!

I've always considered myself lucky. I don't have the career of my dreams, which is the only thing I ever really wanted in life, but still, I think I'm very lucky. I say it often. Especially after Gary Coleman died.

Another one of my mantras is *People always give me things for free.* I don't remember when it started but I'm guessing after someone gave me something for free? So I said it then and say it now and it always works. Unless I go shopping and

When I first moved to L.A. I rented a fully loaded Chrysler that Enterprise foisted on me for about a dollar a day. Having never driven around Los Angeles I had no idea what a nightmare the parking was. I had just discovered Louise Hay and the magic of affirmations so I repeated *I Always Find Parking* over and over as I navigated the city. I would look at the winding, teeny streets with bumper to bumper parking and repeat the mantra and amazingly, I always found parking.

I eventually went back to NY but years later moved back to Los Angeles. I had parking on my mind, and not the kind where you get lucky up on Mulholland smoking a joint and kissing a stranger.

I was fully engrossed in the affirmation movement by then so on the plane I muttered I always find parking so many times that the man next to me overheard and said, "Dear God, are you in charge of parking the plane?"

So this week's coveted Bite Me award goes to the Queen of The Widget Makers. Me.

Don't groan, I haven't won it since the beginning of April.

End of chat.


  1. hey, grats on the award! i know of no one more deserving! ;)

    but yeah, falling is a bummer, especially these days, so take really good care all the time :)

    btw - what part of you did you say you wanted me to bite? :O lol

  2. I always lose weight. I always lose weight. I always lose weight.

  3. Hello? I thought you led a blogging campaign against the word verification thing? Why am I having to type "ovescona" after this comment?

  4. Anonymous6:44 AM

    so my new mantra will be:

    money will come to me for doing nothing can that be it?

    i'm over blogs. i think i heart twitter...still feel eh about facebook

  5. -->I always win the lottery. I always win the lottery. I always win the lottery. I always win the lottery. I always win the lottery. I always win the lottery. I always win the lottery. I always win the lottery. I always win the lottery. I always win the lottery. I always win the lottery. I always win the lottery. I always win the lottery.

  6. Ah well, looks like I don't get a listing anywhere. Guess I'll have to buy a shirt.

  7. until I read this post of yours I didn't realize how much we are alike. I know I know..I'm in the suburbs with 2 kids, and the only time I have been on real TV is when David Lettermen picked me out of his audience and teased me for 7 minutes...but falling down and totally hurting myself, lying in bed at night wondering if my head is going to kill me, trying to be thankful for what I've got. Alike.
    OIh, and I can always find parking...except when I'm really late or have to pee. Just sayin.


    Because you did all this to me last night at 11pm and frayed my nerves.

    Stop falling. You're making me Nervous Nelly.

  9. Hey, I ALWAYS find parking too! Up close! You better not be stealing my parking spaces, Suzy! There'll be hell to pay!

    Okay, so I'm baaaaaack (hiatus finito), and glad to see I'm still in your blog roll. It's good to clean house though sometimes. Makes you feel ten pounds lighter, right? RIGHT?

  10. BTW, my word verification was entlect. Is that some kind of backhanded hint to me?

  11. Before you get mad, SuzySoro, remember that some of us are dumb out here.

    So, please reserve a lighter sentence for the technodunces like me, that can't figure out how to follow and stuff.

    You do have a special place in your heart for those thick as a plank, don't you?

    Because our love for you in sincere and real and all that...

    ack! my word is reflatt. and I need realflat T shirts from you. The taunting never stops.

  12. I blogged about my parking karma a couple of months ago--and it still hasn't gone away! Other people are actually commenting on it now.

  13. That parking line made me laugh, because that is the part of the video of The Secret I remember most.

  14. Affirmations huh? Hmm, might have to try that myself.

    Suzy WILL add me to her blogroll, Suzy WILL add me to her blogroll, Suzy WILL add me to her blogroll ...

  15. So you are the original found of THE SECRET! Why didn't I see you on Oprah! They say ask and you will receive...or everything you put out in to the universe comes back to you. So watch what you ask for! Have a good weekend.

  16. Anonymous9:55 AM

    The blog frog in your sidebar is nice but not as whimsical as the tin lizard in your lobby.

  17. Twitter is Jesus... until you find facebook, which is Twitter without the word count and better games.

  18. Anonymous10:05 PM

    Twitter is evil and fantastic. It's evil only because it takes up so much of my time.

  19. Hey I got to park a plane this week and I had a parking place. Also and too it is not that I'm NOT reading you it is that I have been really busy writing this really long sentence. Life has gotten in the way the last couple of weeks but I do still try to catch up!

  20. Too funny. I was in the mood for some of your quirky humor tonight, and just realized that, for some reason I cannot fathom (laziness? stupidity? not sure, exactly....), I hadn't added you to my blogroll. So I looked you up and added you, and strolled over to catch up on my reading and found this blog post about lightening your blog roll.

    Any chance you might be adding anyone anytime soon? 'Cause I'd be honored to be listed. ;)

    If not, no big deal. I hope my little listing will help your stats a bit.

  21. Dude. Talk And Die Syndrome. Where you smash your temple area but then you seem fine until you drop dead out of the blue. Isn't that awesome? I'm sorry you will be fearing that now. I fear it too. I have a two year old. He smashes his head 40 times a day. I should probably go buy him a helmet right now. Thanks for the talk.