Friday, March 14, 2008

It's Everyone Can Bite Me Friday!

There's a whole lotta bitchin' goin' on today. First up is the gigs I've had to cancel because I'm getting a fresh batch of ankle cartilage. Standup comedy can be really hard and yet I'd rather do a year of hell gigs at Betty's Fireside in Jersey than have to go through this surgery. For free. Please do me a favor and take this survey. You'll be entered in a drawing for a free pass to the next BlogHer conference, which is always held in cool kick-ass cities. BlogHer can be an inroad to growing your blog, your blog friends and is an opportunity to connect with other like-minded people. Who drink! Win Win!

Sidebar: Are blog friends called Blends? Or Froggers?

When you see BlogHer's survey on my sidebar, click on it or I'll hunt you down and steal your designer shoes. That means you Kay and Kristen and Abeyta and MJ and GM and NonPom and Burl and Val and Fahey and Surcie and Denise and Jenn and Traci and Jess and Bee and Jami and Bossy and Fussy and Jenee and Tracy and Stefanie and Beckie and H-Train and Bex and Amy and whoever I left out. And I think all the guys who read me should take it too, ESPECIALLY D2. And he knows why. And for those of you who don't blog, take the survey anyway; it might get you out of the house and closer to group alcohol. Win Win!

Night Blooming Jasmine is in full blossom in Los Angeles. At night I open my front door and within seconds my living room is drenched in the aroma. It's one of the only things that renders Los Angeles human. No agent represents the flower so it can't get screwed and does quite well at the box office.

Lisa Marie Presley is suing Britain's Daily Mail for saying she was eating too much when in fact she was pregnant and trying to hide it until she was ready to announce. Hello control freak, have you forgotten where you live? Move to Montana for the first half of your pregnancy, announce it there and then move back to LA. Although no one would likely care in that your C- list status (only being Elvis's daughter has kept you off the D list) doesn't produce any albums or songs of note. I think the UK tab should counter sue for this entry on her blog of March 10.

"Once they got a glimpse of my expanding physique a few days ago, they have been like a pack of coyotes circling their prey whilst eerily howling with delight."

Elvis might not have named a plane after her if he knew that one day she would marry Michael Jackson and use 'whilst' in a sentence. P.S. That plane is parked across the street from Graceland, and you thought your neighborhood didn't have enough parking. I've heard that Aussies use 'whilst' all the time. So this would be a good time to tell them to stop.They painted my bedroom and bathroom 3 days ago and my living room ceiling 2 days ago. I now have a yellow ceiling. It's so cheerful in here that I'm thinking of making a potato stamp of skulls and making a nice chair rail around the room.

I love American Express. I spent the better part of my adult life using Visa and Mastercard and only reluctantly went over to Amex because it was tied to my Costco card. Remember my Panasonic Lumix? With Black Dot Disease? Well, Amex covers a year past the one year manufacturer's warranty. I made two phone calls. One to Amex to get the number of the Buyer's Assurance Program and one to Buyer's Assurance. Without a receipt and very few questions asked, and no physical proof of the diseased camera photos, they refunded the amount of the camera onto my card. In less that 24 hours. Amex is my new husband.

And finally, this is one of my favorite cuffs. I bought it out of a magazine three years ago for $125. When I received it I discovered that it was huge. I am so small boned that my baby bracelet, from when I was born, still fits me. So I had to take Velcro and lay it inside this new cuff to make it fit. Even with the Velcro, the cuff often slipped and I had to jam it back up my arm. UNTIL NOW.

Due to the fact that I haven't been able to exercise because I can't walk normally, I have put on 236 15 pounds. And today I wore the cuff and it didn't slip once and everyone can truly bite me because I can't stand being overweight.

End of chat.


27 comments:

  1. Because you mentioned me by name, I hopped on over to the survey and answered all 43+ questions. You're welcome. And I hope I win something.

    amycates.blogspot.com

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  2. Amy, nothing would make me happier than to know one of my readers won.

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  3. And FYI: I was listening to Elvis (Suspicious Minds) on my iPod when I saw the photo of the Lisa Marie! I've strolled through it before, and it is a very nice ride. You should, too, after you recover from your surgery, of course.

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  4. I'm a major Elvis freak, always have been. How great is Suspicious Minds? A few years back all the American Idol contestants had to sing Elvis songs. They were all so young and thought Elvis was kind of retarded. After they sung his songs, they had all changed their minds.

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  5. I also (heart) Elvis. They have an Elvis parade in KC every year. I'm going this year, hell or high water!!

    Yeah, I put on serious weight after my knee surgery (non-weight bearing for three solid months). I became depressed, cried at country music, and slept all the time. Major surgery sucks big, wet, assholes.

    I'm going to do the survey now. Then I'm going back to bed.

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  6. h-train, were you on crutches? Every peron I've talked to says that being on crutches for 3 months burns some serious calories. And thanks for taking the survey!

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  7. I was on crutches. But I had to spend a lot of time in a CPM machine to keep my knee from seizing. So, half the time on cruches, the other half on my back. (don't go there!)

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  8. I keep hoping that crutches will be so hard that I'll be too lazy to walk to the kitchen. GOD PLEASE!

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  9. I will do it when I get home and give you all stars or whatever the top marks are.

    Question, is there a rule that Stand Up Comedians can't sit down and do comedy that way? ;o)

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  10. Bee, actually, this survey doesn't rate me or my blog. It's just an opportunity for readers to get to go to BlogHer.

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  11. Surcie10:13 AM

    OMG! Thanks for setting me straight. I watched every flippin' episode of Dean & Tori's stupid reality show. You'd think I'd know the guy's name.

    I'm totally going to do the survey.

    I think that cuff is very "now." Nina Garcia would dig it.

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  12. Honestly, I tried to do the survey. Maybe my computer is screwed up, but nothing was "click-able." Other than that, fun post!

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  13. Was I the Jami you were referring to? Because I went and took the survey anyway.

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  14. Surcie, sure now cuffs are in, long after I discovered them...

    Michael, it's not clickable in the post, only when it shows up on my sidebar. It's in rotation.

    And yes Jami, that was you.

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  15. Anonymous12:34 PM

    Tell "Blogher" or whatever that thing was called to make that survey a bit smaller next time.

    That shit took forever!

    --Abeyta

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  16. Too much chocolate babka is never good for anyone. (a minute on the lips - a lifetime on the wrists!)

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  17. Alright, Rickey took the survey. When will Rickey recieve his cash prize?

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  18. I did it, but I think I typed in the wrong email address, which I noticed as I was clicking done. OOPs, guess I can't win.
    I love Elvis too. His music is great to dance too, or cry to or anything to.

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  19. Awww... take my shoes. They're just a grubby pair of old Nike tennis shoes!

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  20. NonPom8:52 PM

    That survey took so long-but I do love your cuff! Back to the jelly shoes - do you think they have a high lead content? (I guess I'm assuming they're made in China).

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  21. Abeyta, yeah, you're so busy doing other things.

    damon, someone has Googled me.

    rickey, you'll get yours when I get mine.

    gm, if I win I'll give it to you.

    D2, never tell a woman your shoes are grubby. It's what women look at first before they decide to fuck a guy. Scary, no?

    nonpom, I've never owned a jelly but there's nothing I don't know about jewelry.

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  22. I shall fill out the survey tonight WHILST inhaling the luscious fragrance of the star jasmine blooming outside my window!

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  23. Jenn, is there a big difference in all the jasmines?

    Thanks for filling out the survey, it will help all bloggers signed up with BlogHer for ad revenues.

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  24. I took the survey too! Yay! :)

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  25. I LOVE the smell of Night Blooming Jasmine; wish it would grow here in New England!

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  26. Hey Suzy I finished your survey! Sorry I'm a little late on this...it's been awhile since I've actually gotten to sit and enjoy a blog and not just scan them for info. I'm really glad you got BlogHer ads, though! BlogHer and Glam are my favorites. I talked my boss at Idol Mania into getting BlogHer, but my blog (Gravy) isn't old enough yet. I think if they actually have a legitimate product and aren't saying "Click on this fart button!" it makes for a much nicer blog, and I'm always prone to clicking blog ads I trust. So, I love love love your blog and hope that you're at least making a little dough from it! :-)

    xoxo

    Jessica

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  27. PS: And now I'm leaving this comment so I can subscribe to the follow-up comments. :-)

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