It's Everyone Can Bite Me Friday!

There's a whole lotta bitchin' goin' on today. First up is the gigs I've had to cancel because I'm getting a fresh batch of ankle cartilage. Standup comedy can be really hard and yet I'd rather do a year of hell gigs at Betty's Fireside in Jersey than have to go through this surgery. For free. Please do me a favor and take this survey. You'll be entered in a drawing for a free pass to the next BlogHer conference, which is always held in cool kick-ass cities. BlogHer can be an inroad to growing your blog, your blog friends and is an opportunity to connect with other like-minded people. Who drink! Win Win!

Sidebar: Are blog friends called Blends? Or Froggers?

When you see BlogHer's survey on my sidebar, click on it or I'll hunt you down and steal your designer shoes. That means you Kay and Kristen and Abeyta and MJ and GM and NonPom and Burl and Val and Fahey and Surcie and Denise and Jenn and Traci and Jess and Bee and Jami and Bossy and Fussy and Jenee and Tracy and Stefanie and Beckie and H-Train and Bex and Amy and whoever I left out. And I think all the guys who read me should take it too, ESPECIALLY D2. And he knows why. And for those of you who don't blog, take the survey anyway; it might get you out of the house and closer to group alcohol. Win Win!

Night Blooming Jasmine is in full blossom in Los Angeles. At night I open my front door and within seconds my living room is drenched in the aroma. It's one of the only things that renders Los Angeles human. No agent represents the flower so it can't get screwed and does quite well at the box office.

Lisa Marie Presley is suing Britain's Daily Mail for saying she was eating too much when in fact she was pregnant and trying to hide it until she was ready to announce. Hello control freak, have you forgotten where you live? Move to Montana for the first half of your pregnancy, announce it there and then move back to LA. Although no one would likely care in that your C- list status (only being Elvis's daughter has kept you off the D list) doesn't produce any albums or songs of note. I think the UK tab should counter sue for this entry on her blog of March 10.

"Once they got a glimpse of my expanding physique a few days ago, they have been like a pack of coyotes circling their prey whilst eerily howling with delight."

Elvis might not have named a plane after her if he knew that one day she would marry Michael Jackson and use 'whilst' in a sentence. P.S. That plane is parked across the street from Graceland, and you thought your neighborhood didn't have enough parking. I've heard that Aussies use 'whilst' all the time. So this would be a good time to tell them to stop.They painted my bedroom and bathroom 3 days ago and my living room ceiling 2 days ago. I now have a yellow ceiling. It's so cheerful in here that I'm thinking of making a potato stamp of skulls and making a nice chair rail around the room.

I love American Express. I spent the better part of my adult life using Visa and Mastercard and only reluctantly went over to Amex because it was tied to my Costco card. Remember my Panasonic Lumix? With Black Dot Disease? Well, Amex covers a year past the one year manufacturer's warranty. I made two phone calls. One to Amex to get the number of the Buyer's Assurance Program and one to Buyer's Assurance. Without a receipt and very few questions asked, and no physical proof of the diseased camera photos, they refunded the amount of the camera onto my card. In less that 24 hours. Amex is my new husband.

And finally, this is one of my favorite cuffs. I bought it out of a magazine three years ago for $125. When I received it I discovered that it was huge. I am so small boned that my baby bracelet, from when I was born, still fits me. So I had to take Velcro and lay it inside this new cuff to make it fit. Even with the Velcro, the cuff often slipped and I had to jam it back up my arm. UNTIL NOW.

Due to the fact that I haven't been able to exercise because I can't walk normally, I have put on 236 15 pounds. And today I wore the cuff and it didn't slip once and everyone can truly bite me because I can't stand being overweight.

End of chat.

BlogHer Lisa Marie Presley Elvis Presley The Lisa Marie Elvis' Plane Betty's Fireside Worst Comedy Club in the U.S. American Express