Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Yes, I Was On Card Sharks

I wore a green dress. I found a picture of it and spent the better part of an afternoon wondering why I was buying black and white film back then when if I'd bought color I could wait until 2011 and photoshop it to black and white.

That's my then best friend Matt sitting next to me and my mother is next to him. Notice how I was a big fan of tanning. And peroxide.

I had no idea how to play Card Sharks. A friend of mine had gone on the show and won a pickup truck and that was all the incentive I needed. It didn't occur to me that it's hard to pay rent with a pick-up truck. Although it's great to haul around the groceries you can't afford to buy.

During commercial breaks someone would come up to me and say, "Could you smile more? Or even just ONCE?" I'm not a smiler. Because of this I have none of those laugh lines around my eyes that make women look 105 years old and make men look distinguished.

Five minutes into the game I lost track of what I was doing and started playing to the audience. I was an entertainer, getting an audience to respond to me was what I did. So when I got this question: "If there was a choice between being a hooker or being a maid, what do you think the majority of women responded?"

I calmly replied, "Hooker." (big gasp from the audience) (seriously, huge gasp) (idiots)

I was asked why I guessed that and I said, almost disdainfully: "A maid is on her feet all day. A hooker is just on her back."

Yeah, I lost that one.

The guy I was playing against was really good. Apparently he actually knew how to play the game. It was a flashback to taking my 11th grade History final, when everyone is writing furiously and I'm bowing my head in prayer. And sobbing.

But unlike the history test, there's no one to copy off.

During a commercial break I turned to him and said, "You HAVE to stop winning. I have no money and I'm in a rental car and staying at my sister's and I have to move here because my agent told me to."

"Well, I'm in med school and have $200,000 worth of loans to pay off."



  1. Wow. I never appeared on a game show. I won at Monopoly a couple times though.

  2. I love your rationale of being a hooker vs. being a maid...Did it at least get laughs from the audience?

  3. -->Love your logic. I would have applauded.

  4. You'd think someone with $200,000 worth of student loans would be DONE with medical school. Jeesh! Great story, miss. I would have voted for you on that comment. Give the woman $1000!



  5. I'd much rather be a Man Whore than a Butler !

  6. Yes, but could he rock the green dress like you?

  7. Anonymous8:06 PM

    I'm with you. I don't want to be anybody's maid.

  8. I love it when you tell stories.

    I could just pull up a pillow, and listen to you until you ran out.

    Which I hope, would be never.

  9. Imagine the horror had you said 'knees' instead of 'back' but then that would have also been like a maid because of all the floor scrubbing.

    I've overthought this.

    Also, I originally thought your friend was actually Lou Diamond Phillips.

  10. Timing is everything. Same question today, hooker would totally win over maid.

  11. But you're smiling in the photo . . .

    How did you pay for the rent? (or should I ask)

  12. Hahaha...that's a great story! I'd totally rather be a hooker than a maid...OH WAIT! I'm looking around my house and I AM A MAID!

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