Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Stop Spelling Your Name The Wrong Way

I was over at Blogography and Dave was mentioning one of his favorite blogs, Ajooja. I took a look and found this on the banner:

(pronounced ‘ah zoo zah’)

Little things like that (I’m lying, I think that’s a big thing) can put me over the edge in no time flat. Just do me a solid and spell it that way to begin with so I don’t have to, I don’t know, take time out from my very busy schedule of staring into space and try it out in my head forty-five times until it makes sense. Uh Zoo ZUH? A Jew Yahweh? What? I don’t want to have to learn how to pronounce the name of a blog anymore than I want to have sex with Jack Black. Yes, he’s funny but good grief, lay off the Ben and Jerry’s for a minute or a lifetime.

Which brings me to the concept of names in general. My parents gave me the totally boring name Susan, which is constantly shortened to Suzy, Susie, Suzi, Susi ad nauseum. In a vain attempt to divorce myself from such a pedestrian moniker I became Suzy Cue, then for a while became Olive Blue. When Gwennie named her child Apple and Julia named her daughter Hazel, I was envious. Those names sucked but who is going to shorten them to Appie and Hazeli?

Recently I drooled over the couple in New Zealand who were fighting to name their newborn child 4Real and when that name was rejected by their registrar of birth decided to call him Superman instead. Superman! His parents fought for two completely ridiculous names and my parents wouldn’t have fought to take me to the dentist while I had a molar hanging out and was begging for Vicodin.

As a drama major at one of the top 60 universities in the U.S., (how scary is it that my college is in the top 60 and all I talk about is stupid show biz shit?) I had to study phonetics. Once you study phonetics, you can never look at a word again and not know how to pronounce it correctly. There are RULES.

I once met a girl who introduced herself like this, “I’m Debi, with one B and an I.” (Spell check grabbed it as Debit, Debby, Debbie, Deli and Debt) I longed to say, “Oh you mean DEEbye because that’s how it should be pronounced.” But I didn’t because anyone who spells their name like that is in the bottom half of people I really am never going to get along with. Even if they pay me.

Men aren’t troubled with this affliction. You never meet a guy who says, “I’m Markk, with two K’s”, or “Hi, Steave, with two E’s and an A.”

End of chatt.


  1. I once met a guy who announced himself thus: Hi my name is Styve, thats Styve with y. Unable to help myself I replied Wow how weird is that, I'm Dayve with a Y. He walked off.

  2. But, then again, when you have a strange spelling of your name, you do make more of an impression. For example...

    JACK BLACK: "Suzy, who is that girl over there?"
    SUZY SORO: "Hell if I know! Let's have sex!"

    As opposed to...

    JACK BLACK: "Suzy, who is that girl over there?"
    SUZY SORO: "Oh, that's Debi, with one B and an I... do you think she might want to join us in a three-way?"

    Sheer genius, I say! Not only has Ajooja chosen a name you'll not soon forget, but he's got the blogosphere talking about him. It's a Hollywood publicist's wet dream!

    Well, that, plus having your client appear in a the back of a limo flashing the paparazzi their cooter because they forgot to wear panties.*

    *Unless your client is a man, in which case wearing panties will totally get your client some attention.

  3. Anonymous8:37 AM

    That's awesome, Dave.

    Suzy, I love the whole thing but "A Jew Yahweh" cracked me up.

    (I'm currently being driven insane by the name of a well-reviewed restaurant here named Korner Cafe. Unless the owner's last name is Korner, that's just wrong!)

  4. Anonymous9:05 AM

    Dave, I think when I was on usenet on alt.comedy.standup there was a coven of Daves. I think. Anyway, always room for more Dayves in life.

    D2, you are a disturbed individual. And just between you and me, do you know someone who is up for a 3-way with me and Jack? Is it YOU??

    Surcie, Korner Cafe needs to kill itself. Immediately. But before it does, take a picture of it! Let's start a blogging duet of mispelled pictures.


    Now who's the "disturbed individual!"

  6. Anonymous1:38 PM

    I think the fact that I'm disturbed is not a secret. At least not here in the U.S.

  7. Anonymous3:33 PM

    Men are also afflicted. What about Jon without the "h" and Marc with a "c" instead of plain old "Mark?" And let's consider Boston, where "Ted" is the nickname for Edward (as in the illustrious senator).
    Martha Jane
    (and some people can't resist putting a "y" in my name and spelling it "Jayne." Yuck!

  8. People have always mispronounced my daughters name. This pisses her off and since the age of 2, has had no problem correcting them.
    I spell and pronounce her name exactly as it was in the film where my hus and I first heard it. Maybe they had it wrong too.
    It is from Anne of Avonlea the movie, I also love the Anne of Green Gable books, but the name, I think is only in the film.

  9. Anonymous8:07 PM

    You are my grammatical soulmate! THat stuff crawls all over me. I swear I am the only one that sees "D.e.b.i." and turns my head quizzically and says "DEEbye? What an interesting name. Is it Urdu?"

  10. Anonymous8:39 PM

    suz-funny stuff.

    I would be irked if I lived in hollywood; so would you.

  11. Anonymous11:23 PM

    Urdu! I love it.

  12. It's not my real name, so I don't really care how anyone pronounces it.