Thursday, August 27, 2009

It's Everybody Can Bite Me Friday!

Mom would not watch Entertainment Tonight because Mary Hart's mouth is too big.

France was just named the country with the best health care system in a worldwide poll. They announced it on CBS' Sunday Morning. I made the mistake of telling Mom that Americans have somehow confused the French system with Socialism.

"Why eez your country so stupeed?"

Michael Jackson death's a homicide? Suicide is more like it. Having been in rehab and talked to a million addicts, there is one thing we all have in common. There comes a time when you hit rock bottom and can't control yourself and wish you were dead. I didn't know that until I went into rehab but it's surprising to hear people talk about death as if it were a night at the movies. I had those feelings right before I went into rehab and yet would never have taken my own life. You get tired, overwhelmed, more depressed than you can ever imagine and the thought just floats in. "Easier to be dead." If you ever hear someone who overindulges in narcotics or alcohol and talks about death, take them to rehab. Seriously.

I've been saying for months how retarded Facebook is. It's amazing to me that people get on there instead of trying to do something with their lives. THESE OTHERWISE LITERATE PEOPLE SPEND HOURS PLAYING BEJEWELED. You know how your husband watches or plays sports so he can ignore you and the family for a few hundred hours? Congratulations, you're now your husband.

"Tax collectors still aren't allowed to add people as friends under false pretenses, but this is bad news for anyone who doesn't pay taxes and then brags about how much they make and lists a hometown on their Facebook and MySpace profiles without setting the accounts as private."

"Why eez your country so stupeed?"
"Can't talk now Mom; I have a Bejeweled addict on my hands and I'm wondering whether I should let them die or take them to Betty Ford."
"Betty Forrrrrd is verrry farrr from yourrrr house."
"That's why I'm thinking about it."

End of chat.


  1. -->You know what they say, Rehab is for Quitters.

    At least it's happy hour soon on the East Coast.

  2. I was addicted to Bejeweled on FB for two nights. It's only because I was short on drugs and alcohol and had no money to gamble.

  3. Facebook, MySpace, and online games in general are mental narcotics, numbing people, distracting them from the sucking quagmire of reality surrounding them. We're becoming a nation of people with squinty eyes and huge asses, covered in moss, mold, and the detritus of fast-food dining and speaking a gibberish of abbreviations, acronyms, and l33t sp3ak.

    I won't say my beloved Internet is responsible for ending my marriage, but it certainly helped nail the coffin shut - my soon-to-be-ex made it clear that his time online was more important to him than our marriage and (more importantly, in my opinion) our son.

    Some of us really are morons.

    Also? I'm not addicted to the Internet - I can quit any time I want. Hey, where are you going with my router???

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K (who is cleaning her son's room - if she's not back in three days, send the marines)(cute ones)(and hope she doesn't hurt herself, because she's uninsured and would have to fly to France for a bandaid, because the plane ticket would be cheaper than a doctor visit here)(not that she's complaining)

  4. Anonymous1:47 PM

    The NY Times magazine had an article a few weeks ago that said people who cook are not as likely to be obese as those who get takeout. So you can stay on the net if you are cooking. I made so much lentil soup (the damn things don't look like they'll enlarge that much) that I can barely fit it in the freezer. So I guess I'll go online.

  5. I used to sell "ET" and that show goes for a PREMIUM to advertisers.

    Just an aside.

    I like the "congratulations you're your husband" bit. However, in my case that would entail becoming enthralled with home renovation overnight.

    NOT happening.

  6. dang gina you said you wouldn't talk about me anymore! ;-) FB farm town addict yep already reached the highess level *sigh*

  7. Wow, glad you brought up what really goes on with the narcotics and alcohol. I have someone in my community to whom I pastor, this is where I needed to be educated.
    Thanks Suzy! And . . . it also gives me compassion for the person who is going through it.

  8. Darsden, she said bejeweled NOT Farmtown! Dooy!

  9. Facebook? I can hardly keep up with my blog for God's sake.

  10. Anonymous4:27 AM

    "I've been saying for months how retarded Facebook is. It's amazing to me that people get on there instead of trying to do something with their lives. THESE OTHERWISE LITERATE PEOPLE SPEND HOURS PLAYING BEJEWELED. You know how your husband watches or plays sports so he can ignore you and the family for a few hundred hours? Congratulations, you're now your husband."

    So what is a blog really? I am hooked on that stupid little game and if I'm my husband now, I say yay for equality! finally someone else can do dishes while I get a little playtime :)

    ps- and it's hardly a few hundred hours...30 mins max in one day I would say...same as many people playing solitaire or what not...or blog surfing...just sayin'

  11. I never got facebook. who really gives a shit what anyone is doing?

  12. One of the biggest issues with Mr. Anaesthesiologist was that he waited 82 minutes after Jackson died to call 911, and yet was one the phone with "others" who were probably lawyers. Although all that is now possibly "police positioning"? whatever that is. I need to stop reading those articles. They are not improving my life at all.

    I think calling it a homicide is extreme.


  13. All glories to Betty Ford.....

    And I think you can officially say now that "hot" has come to life in Hollywood, with them thar hills on fire....

  14. I think that husband line may be one of your funniest ever. Truly.

  15. I do not play Bejeweled damn it!

  16. I'm not into games. Unless they're sex games but only with a safe word.

  17. I think your mom is right... Mary Hart does have a really big mouth.

    My best friend and I have a pact never to join Facebook. That, of course, didn't stop us from hacking in on the Boy's account to look up people we knew while we were on the phone one night. After an hour or so of that, we both agreed that we felt dirty.

    I think I may have started a mySpace at one time to advertise the blog, but I only went back one time and that was to delete my page. "Paige is feeling idiotic."

    Not sure what the Bejeweled thing is all about. The last time I saw an advertisement for one of those things, it was on a local channel in South Jersey.

    So, your mom may be right about the country being stupid, too, but at least we're easily amused.


  18. it's true...I've been ill in more countries than most, and France is definitely my favourite. Trouble is there is so much wine to get you that way in the first place...

  19. I need help, desperately! I'm addicted to FB games. YoVille, SuperPets, Restaurant City, Farmville, Farmtown, Funny Farm, I'm a cyber-farming GENIUS!!! HELP!!!


    I love your bite me fridays!!!


  20. Suz, I really don't think it was a good idea to start a fire to try and smoke your mother out of L.A. and back to France where people are not stoopid.

    Also and too, I have a Son in law who thinks Second Life is a real place and his Real LIFE is make belief. Yeah I told my daughter to run away ... far far away.