Friday, August 21, 2009

It's Everybody Can Bite Me Friday!

I don't believe I'll ever run out of things to bitch about. And yet when I'm in a relationship I'm not a nag. How is that possible?

On Wednesday, the day I went to Santa Monica, Mom and I ate lunch at Babalu's, a small restaurant on Montana. I was staring out the window and saw Sean Penn and a gorgeous girl on the other side of the street. They were coming straight at us.

No paparazzi.

He's an Oscar winner, his wife JUST filed, for the third time, divorce papers and no paparazzi? As they walked, the girl stopped on the sidewalk right beside us. She was tall and thin, beautifully dressed, 25 years old, tops. She stopped and turned so that I could see her and she could see me which meant that Sean's back was to me. I kept staring and wondering why she made him stop there. And then it dawned on me she probably wanted someone to take her picture because how else was she going to become a big star? I would have taken one. Maybe even sent it to Perez or TMZ. But Sean is the American Russell Crowe. What if he stormed into the restaurant, smashed my camera, swung and missed and killed my mother?

How do I live without my camera?

Martha Jane has worked with him so I expect her to leave a comment and fill us in on whether he would have hurt me.

Lindy got a pair of Dodger tickets from a client but she can't go so I'm going with my mother, who doesn't understand how the game is played. I switched to a sports channel and started to explain it.

"The team plays until they get 3 outs."
"What duz zat mean?"
"Everrrry time that happens you give me money."
"Why do zey say zat ball is foul?"
"Because it smells and that's why he hit it over the line."
"Why did he say zerrre retirrrring ze side? Zey can quit working anytime zey want?"

We have seats behind home plate. I will not be trying to catch any balls as I have two of my own.

Management of our building has stepped in and threatened legal action against the 4 asshole women who let their dogs bark, two of whom have lived here less than 2 months. Apparently they think they're in the right and the rest of the tenants are wrong. Because we're so unreasonable as to require peace and quiet. They've stopped talking to us. Very mature. Meanwhile it's been so quiet I thought I'd gone deaf.

My blog is now on Kindle. Go review me. AND I only cost 99 cents a month. That sounds about right.

End of chat.


  1. After spending TWENTY FOUR days with my parents....I feel your pain. Good news is after returning home I've stopped twitching and my drinking is way down! Have a great time!

  2. A brilliant actor is Sean. Glad to hear management has stepped into the fray about the barking dogs; still think you should call the ASPCA on their asses.
    Poor mom!

  3. Dogs barking incessantly like that are bored, ill-mannered, or ill bred. Or maybe it's their humans who are...

    Either way, I'm glad you've had a measure of peace.

    I don't get baseball...but well built men in tight pants, I get. Ditto football. Soccer is tolerable, although the shorts are loser - but then, you get to see some leg, so it evens out

    Is Sean Penn still married to Princess Buttercup? I'm not very up on celebrity news...I have no idea who is doing what or to whom...

    We get celebrities at the track sometimes, but I never know who they are (except when Paul Newman was around, because duh).

    If I had a Kindle, I'd totally pay ninety-nine cents for you. Heck - I'd pay a whole dollar!

    Shade and Sweetwater,

  4. Because the ball smells, haha, classic!

  5. I can afford the 99 cents its the 400 for the Kindle that I can't. Speaking of which when it first came out I swear I thought they were saying "Ken Doll" and I thought why would anyone want to read a book with a man-doll with no balls. Now I know they smelled bad and Suzy had them removed.

  6. I always knew you were cheap.

  7. Wow. Sean Pean. I'm not sure I could go after him. He'd be all wantey-to-save-someoney and I'd be all just wantey-your-money.

    I'm not sure how long that would last.

    99 cents. Not too shabby. I never would have guessed over 72, but then I'm not in marketing.

  8. I thought I knew the rules of baseball then I watched E in a softball game and the rules were different. I love to continually ask my hus the same questions while he watches a game. He rolls his eyes and answers,probably wishing I would just go back on the computer.

  9. If the dogs don't quit barking I'd be tempted to get a gun--though not for the dogs.

    I have live through this and if I were on the jury I'd vote to acquit.

  10. What - people pay to read this?

  11. Everytime that happens you give me money....blahhhaaaa hhaaaa, lol

  12. I guess the paps think the night-vision shots they're getting of Penn in clubs are more interesting? Or maybe they just want to drink on the job. Yep, you could've sold those pics to someone. . .Or better yet, used them to drive traffic to your own blog!

  13. Why did I become a teacher? I should have been a major league baseball player.

  14. Anonymous11:32 PM

    You were three blocks from me and you didn't call me to have lunch with you? How dare you! :)

    How was the food at Babalu's? I've never eaten there but drive by there all the time. It is one of those kinds of restaurants that I don't care for because the tables all seem to be on top of each other. I like the privacy of a booth! Plus, I'm really loud.


  15. Wow, Lady, you are all over the place with this post. First and foremost, you should have pinched Sean's ass. Second, you should have pretended to take their picture at least as he was swinging at you for the pinch. Your mom's a grouch. Might have woken her up a bit. Would have made that 25-year old's day because even though it's Sean Penn we know she's hangin' out with that old guy strictly for the publicity. Um, yuck for her. Boogie for him.

    Baseball is fun to watch, if you have a LOT of alcohol to go along with it, sit in a skybox that has catering and air conditioning and... oh wait... just watch it from home. :)

    Yeah on the dogs. Bitches and their bitches.

    Congrats on publishing your blog on Kindle. Hope you get lots of subscribers!



  16. I met "Sean Penn" in 1989 when I was about 16 and hanging out with a friend late at night in downtown Chicago. He was still with Madonna then and his limo driver pulled over and asked if we wanted to meet him. We stupidly said yes because TO THIS DAY I don't know if it was really him. It looked like but don't worry, we didn't make out with him or nuthin cuz ewww.

  17. I love it when you're mean to your mom.

  18. Anonymous11:17 AM

    Sorry to be so late, but I had gone to Kauai and was out of contact w/all but cell phone. Sean is brilliant and wonderful. It was one of my fabulous acting moments to have been directed by him.

  19. No Martha Jane! I am so late I was looking forward to her response.

    Very odd that there were no paparazzi, though. Hmmm.