Thursday, November 23, 2006

Thanks For Nothing

This is the dumbest holiday Americans celebrate. For starters, there are no gifts. And what are we supposed to be thankful for; stealing the United States from the American Indians? Thanksgiving is just an excuse to string an extremely tedious Thursday into a 4 day event because people hate their jobs so much that they would rather spend time with their families. And you know that is just wrong.

Spare me your desiccated turkey, your mother’s recipe for a vegetable you wouldn’t be caught dead eating in a four-star restaurant and the inevitable tedium of playing party games with your dumbass neighbors and your psychotic family, people I don’t ever want to spend quality time with unless I'm in a coma.

Last year I was invited to a Thanksgiving where I was asked to bring food. Am I supposed to be thankful for being invited to a dinner where I had to supply part of the meal? If you can’t afford to fund a party, for the love of God, please don’t have one. It just makes you look cheap. Do you think Jackie O ever asked anyone to bring a covered caviar dish to one of her dinners?

And stop with the party games. Hi, I’m an adult; join me in reading a book and talking about something important. Like George Clooney.

End of chat.


  1. DID YOU SAY YOU WANTED TO DISCUSS GEORGE CLOONEY? I'm in. Does the cover of People make your eyes bleed, or what? Somehow he gets exponentially better with age, it's unreal. I look at that picture of him and literally swoon. I have to stop talking now because I'm getting dizzy. He could melt the sun he's so damn hot. Wait, didn't I say I was going to stop talking?

  2. George Clooney is indeed God and I pray to him every night. My eyes are bleeding as I write this. GC has got that languid Elvis thing going on. The tilted forward head, the slanted downward slope of his eyes, the half smile on his lips. Seriously, I could TEACH a class on this boy. No wonder most men turn me off...

  3. George Clooney. Hmm. Anyhoo, Thanksgiving was at my place this year and no one had to bring a thing. Sadly I have a cold so I stayed sober but at least I had no parents nearby. I couldn't do parents sober. Not at all.

  4. George Clooney = A+ and a Duh

    No one had to bring a thing = A+

    Staying Sober Around Parents = Retarded.

  5. Anonymous12:48 PM

    Does this mean you eschewed T'giving completely?

    I hosted this year. Five hours of cooking for a ten minute meal. Never again.

    George Clooney is my Absolute Favorite, too.

  6. I had a few more invites this year than usual. But 2 were GUDs and 2 were with boring people.The thing I hate the most is that by the time you eat, all the food is cold and no one says anything. So everyone sits there and eats congealed food.


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