Saturday, October 31, 2009

It's Everybody Can Bite Me Friday!

I'm all lunched out. Three lunches this week and another one I missed because I didn't like the people. How do you turn down a lunch without lying?

"I can't go to lunch because I had my jaw wired shut. How can I talk on the phone? Well honestly I didn't think of that when I answered it because I'm not a spontaneous liar."

My sister and I are not spontaneous. I once told Maman that and she said, "Oh my Goddddddd, zat's horrrrrrrrrrrrrreebul." I was afraid to ask why.

My sister and I are planners, list makers, people who dust the day before company arrives as opposed to the day of. This is a picture of the 3 spontaneous ones in our family and our mother, who probably threw on that dress while the photographer was setting up.

Notice everyone in the picture is smiling but me. On the positive side, I now have no lines around my eyes. On the negative side, when I was a waitress customers complained that I was always in a bad mood.

We used to go to France every summer, except for my Dad, who stayed behind to work. My mother was a teacher with summers off.

When the ocean liners were making the crossings from New York to Cherbourg, France, we would drive up to NY from D.C. and get on the ship.

My sister and I were packed weeks in advance so as not to miss one precious item which, once we got to Paris, never touched because France had cooler shit.

My mother found it more convenient to pack the day we left and had a 3 hour drive ahead of us. The first and second summers we nearly missed the ship. Every year Dad lost 6 pounds via his sweat glands. He and my mother never fought in 27 years but I'm pretty sure they finally got a divorce based on those trips to New York.

Mom thinks "Everybody ready?" means "Time for a snack." She thinks "IT'S TIME TO GO, HONEY" means to check every spigot in the house to make sure nothing was leaking even though my father was still going to be there while we were gone."

The third time my father made us go the day before and spend the night in a NY hotel so as the three of us would not have a heart attack. We still arrived at the docks late because my mother was doing God knows what. Restocking the maid's cart? Slipping newspapers under doors? Checking in new guests?

The 4th summer he made us take the plane.

End of chat.


  1. When did you live in DC?

    I thought you WERE smiling.

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  2. Anonymous12:20 PM

    OH my God-but I can't resist- did you take the plane the 4th time because they were finally invented?? going to Europe in Ocean Liners? When was that? 30s, 40s?


  3. Great post. I love the image of your mother running around checking faucets. In my family, my brother, my mother and I would all be piled into the car, only to have to sit there and wait for my father, whose bowels always seemed to know when we were about to take a road trip. "Your father's on the john," My mother would say, and we would all sigh and grumble.

  4. Oh...we have something in commun, my dad was French and my mom American. ok it is reversed...but still :D
    Am I overreacting? It's Saturday you can bite me for a change,



  5. I am not spontaneous at all. I plan way ahead and prepare way ahead. So how come I am still always running late?!
    I am laughing my ass off at your slide show. T was very suprised. I was even more suprised at the Vogue picture!

  6. All that non-smiling seems to have paid off.

    I'm jealous of the ocean liner travel.

  7. I, too, am surprised you grew up in DC. .

  8. sounds like my mom..though I hear she's much better now...probably the effect of not having to deal with us kids any more!

  9. Suzy,
    we always took our trip to Paris too, Paris ark. nuthin there to pack for, just some ole coon dogs.The big prize was to guess how many fleas that ole dog had, or join in the pool, of how far he would roll when hit by a semi.
    Hell, we didn't even have to pack, it was only 20 miles away.
    God, did we have a sheltered life, hmm...maybe it was a hillbilly vacation.

  10. Summers in Paris tough life girl! Hey thanks for the birthday wish sorry my sister twisted your arm she is mean like that and strong too!

  11. Well I too am not the spontaneous sort. I want to know where, what time and what we are going to do when we get there so I can be appropriately dressed. Unfortunately Kahuna is the spontaneous sort which explains how I ended up at the top of Idylwild in 5 inch heels and a sleeveless shift in February. :)

  12. Suzy, just found the slides, you are too nice.

  13. Wait . . . so your hair is not naturally very light blonde?!

  14. My mom is like that too, no matter where we go.

    I sit in the car and wait for her to do God knows what and we're only going to Target.

  15. I can see not smiling. But I'd probably frown, instead, so that would be twice as bad on el wrinkelos.

    Still, it sounds great that y'all were in France that much.

    The closest to Paris I've ever been is Paris, Tx. And it ain't got no cool shit.

    That I can remember, anyway.

  16. I'm more like your mother, lol. One thing I've noticed about people packing so far in advance, they pack too much crap. I can't stand over packing, such a waste, IMO.

    If I forget something, I'll buy it when I get there :).

  17. -->My college roommate and I had a class together and I was always waiting on her to leave in the morning. So every two or three days I would set her clock ahead by one minute til it was running about 10 minutes fast. She never figured it out and was always so impressed with herself for being on time. She married her high school sweetheart, I was in their wedding and it was the best marriage advice I ever gave by telling him what I did to her. She found out, laughed so hard she cried and we're still friends now.


  18. ooooooo a halloweenie on papa's thigh! ;)

    you lived in a '69' house? [so ok, with a couple knoughts in tween] :P lol

  19. Anonymous1:38 PM

    I've decided to live here. All the laughing is good for me right, it won't cause wrinkles?

  20. Hollywood lunches are like dating. You know nothings going to happen, but at least it's a free meal.

  21. Suzy,
    "Restocking the maid's cart!" That's a hilarious line. I am still laughing. I went to the trouble of typing that out because I think "LOL" is stupid.
    Thanks. Laughing still in a Phoenix hotel ... now waiting to hijack a cart for my Allan Keida mini support group.
    NikonSniper Steve