Wednesday, November 12, 2008


I've never been a giant fan of food. I keep waiting for the pill that says "lunch" on it. When we were kids I came upstairs to find my mother, who was a gourmet cook, (French, duh) shoving a Baked Alaska into the oven. She looked over at me and said, 'Don't ever marry a man who will make you do all the cooking.' And I never did. However, I turned out to be a great cook and cooked for all my ex-boyfriends, may they rot in hell, which I'm pretty sure is where they all live now.

So I was thin my entire life until before this last surgery. I got up to 147 because I stopped exercising and was so unhappy. Now that I'm finally back to 123 I find Ruby, the reality show about the once 700 pound woman who is now around 500 lbs.

I have watched Sweat Dripping Into Their Dishes Iron Chef, Relative of Famous Movie Director So That's Why She Doesn't Use Her Married Name Chef Giada di Laurentis, Husband Cheats On Her Chef Rachael Ray, Where Is Her Husband Chef The Barefoot Contessa and Cholesterol Chef Whose Husband Married Her For Her Money Paula Butter Dean. Not ONCE during any of these shows did I feel like eating. McLoserstene used to marvel that I could watch them without eating as she said she could just turn to the food channel and gain five pounds.

Ten minutes into Ruby and I was ready to have dinner for 12. And because there are so many delivery restaurants around me, I had to eat my takeout menus. I have no idea why Ruby set me off on a feeding frenzy since she barely ate anything in the show. So I'm not going to watch it anymore although I WOULD like my own show. They could call it Skinny Bitch.

End of chat.


  1. I haven't watched it, but I've seen the commercials.

    Those fat-person-losing-weight shows don't make me want to eat - they either piss me off because the human dumpling being featured is whining about how they don't eat much and it must be a conspiracy of the fast-food industry or an environmental problem while they down six pizzas and a bucket of chicken, or they make me cry because someone has seen their pattern and is struggling to change it, and I feel their pain.

    Being fat sucks, but it's my own damn fault. I'm dealing with it slowly, non-surgically (for now) because that's how I got fat...slowly and without surgical help. Sigh. Is there a "quit eating and melt off your fifty-acre ass" pill yet? I might even take it...

    Cooking shows don't make me want to eat, either.

    Shade and Sweetwater,

  2. Hahaha, you know what does it for me...this is embarassing...that Magic Bullet informercial. Everytime I see even a few seconds of that I'm off to the kitchen.

  3. Those cooking shows make me want to get in the kitchen. But actually making a whole meal makes me want nothing but a glass of chardonnay. Sucks cooking for your family then not feel like eating it.

  4. Anonymous10:45 AM

    I am over the Food Network, except for the Barefoot Contessa, because she has great lines, "Prepare a chicken and a man will show up." Or my personal favorite, "Don't have any fun until I get back." The rest of hard is it to make something delicious with a whole stick of butter or half a quart of olive oil or a quart of heavy cream? And they never comment on the price of the ingredients. Hello, we're in a recession and can't afford to make tur-duck-ken for Thanksgiving. I find that lately the Food Channel doesn't make me hungry. It just makes me want to hit the remote and surf to another network.
    Martha Jane

  5. "I've never been a giant fan of food."

    I am so trying not to hate you. I never met a comestible I didn't like.

  6. I used to wish for a food pill too. I ate when I was hungry and I was very picky. Unfortunately that all changed after being pregnant. Now I will pretty much eat anything at anytime. Especially cake.
    I get sad when I see those weight loss shows. They make me feel like never eating again, until the comercials come on for...cake.

  7. The husband and I sometimes watch the Food Network in lieu of eating. The Barefoot Contessa makes us crazy because she looks at the camera seductively and then we lose our appetites.

  8. I have a friend who says she's never been hungry--she just eats when it's time to eat. WTF?

  9. I haven't seen this show yet. I'm intrigued a bit. And a little ashamed that I'm intrigued. I feel really bad for her, but then again, no one's forcing her to have her own show. But if it makes her more healthy, it's a good thing that I'm staring at her like a train wreck, eh?