It's Everybody Can Bite Me Friday!

I have plumbed the depths of hell and bought an "Oprah Book Club" selection, Edgar Sawtelle. I expect it to suck as every book I ever bought based on Her Rotundness' recommendation has sucked. I stopped buying them but a few years later bought James Frey's A Million Little Pieces, which I loved. Then Oprah got all up in her weave and appeared DEVASTATED that some parts of the memoir were not true and APOLOGIZED to her viewers. Puhleeeeeeeeeeze.

I had AAA come and install a new battery on Tuesday. The gas tank was full but half of it had evaporated. I drove to get a Big Mac and then got my car washed. Then it rained the next day because God likes to remind me every once in a while that I'm not in charge of everything. That's how much HE knows.

I drove to Costco where the lines were long and the shoppers mean. I was trying to negotiate my cart around a woman who OF COURSE didn't move after I said, "Excuse me; I have trouble walking and my hands don't work well." She replied, "Sure, as long as you stop HITTING ME." So I smiled sweetly, which is virtually impossible for me, and added a huge limp to my walking pattern plus drool and crossed eyes and hobbled away like Quasimodo. It gave me immense pleasure. God, I make a perfect 10 year old.

I didn't go to Malibu for Thanksgiving after all. Some of the guests I wanted to see weren't going to be there so I went to the party across the street, which was fabulous. Johnny and Carson (who was one of my friends who helped me during my recovery and who had been though a similar situation with her leg) are a married couple and all their friends are in the performing arts. Directors, singers, radio newscasters, etc. No kids! But dogs! Yay! A friend of theirs cooked two turkeys in their smoker. The moment I saw there was no green bean casserole in any form I was thrilled. They did asparagus with hollandaise, so much better. I didn't take my camera and after I saw the crowd, I was sorry I didn't.

Here's a pretty cheap and FABULOUS gift for your friends who drink: Caramel Vodka

1 bottle cheap vodka
1 and a half bags of Werther's Caramels
1 large vessel
1 funnel as needed

Do not use cheap caramels or expensive vodka!!

-Pour the vodka in the large vessel
-Add the caramels
-Leave overnight until all the caramels have melted.
-Pour back into empty vodka bottle after removing the vodka label
-Wrap with Xmas paper and a bow

The caramels will take up a lot of space so all the liquid will not fit back into the vodka bottle. I never got around to figuring this part out. My friends and I would usually drink what wouldn't fit into the bottle and take turns mocking AA by announcing "Hi, my name is Suzy and..oops, there's the bell!" They give you 5 minutes to speak and then ring a bell. Even if you're having a stroke at the podium, get off! It's worse than school and I think we all know how well I did there. Which might explain why I can't figure out the caramel into vodka bottle ratio.

I have not heard from my surgeon in Mumbai.

End of chat.