Friday, November 28, 2008

It's Everybody Can Bite Me Friday!

I have plumbed the depths of hell and bought an "Oprah Book Club" selection, Edgar Sawtelle. I expect it to suck as every book I ever bought based on Her Rotundness' recommendation has sucked. I stopped buying them but a few years later bought James Frey's A Million Little Pieces, which I loved. Then Oprah got all up in her weave and appeared DEVASTATED that some parts of the memoir were not true and APOLOGIZED to her viewers. Puhleeeeeeeeeeze.

I had AAA come and install a new battery on Tuesday. The gas tank was full but half of it had evaporated. I drove to get a Big Mac and then got my car washed. Then it rained the next day because God likes to remind me every once in a while that I'm not in charge of everything. That's how much HE knows.

I drove to Costco where the lines were long and the shoppers mean. I was trying to negotiate my cart around a woman who OF COURSE didn't move after I said, "Excuse me; I have trouble walking and my hands don't work well." She replied, "Sure, as long as you stop HITTING ME." So I smiled sweetly, which is virtually impossible for me, and added a huge limp to my walking pattern plus drool and crossed eyes and hobbled away like Quasimodo. It gave me immense pleasure. God, I make a perfect 10 year old.

I didn't go to Malibu for Thanksgiving after all. Some of the guests I wanted to see weren't going to be there so I went to the party across the street, which was fabulous. Johnny and Carson (who was one of my friends who helped me during my recovery and who had been though a similar situation with her leg) are a married couple and all their friends are in the performing arts. Directors, singers, radio newscasters, etc. No kids! But dogs! Yay! A friend of theirs cooked two turkeys in their smoker. The moment I saw there was no green bean casserole in any form I was thrilled. They did asparagus with hollandaise, so much better. I didn't take my camera and after I saw the crowd, I was sorry I didn't.

Here's a pretty cheap and FABULOUS gift for your friends who drink: Caramel Vodka

1 bottle cheap vodka
1 and a half bags of Werther's Caramels
1 large vessel
1 funnel as needed

Do not use cheap caramels or expensive vodka!!

-Pour the vodka in the large vessel
-Add the caramels
-Leave overnight until all the caramels have melted.
-Pour back into empty vodka bottle after removing the vodka label
-Wrap with Xmas paper and a bow

The caramels will take up a lot of space so all the liquid will not fit back into the vodka bottle. I never got around to figuring this part out. My friends and I would usually drink what wouldn't fit into the bottle and take turns mocking AA by announcing "Hi, my name is Suzy and..oops, there's the bell!" They give you 5 minutes to speak and then ring a bell. Even if you're having a stroke at the podium, get off! It's worse than school and I think we all know how well I did there. Which might explain why I can't figure out the caramel into vodka bottle ratio.

I have not heard from my surgeon in Mumbai.

End of chat.


  1. Suzy: I love your Op-lease-rah digs, and I need to go shopping with you. Hey, we both have "bite me" posts today...we must totally rock ...

  2. True confession: I've loved just about every book Oprah has ever recommended (but then I love almost all books). I ESPECIALLY loved A Million Little Pieces, but I think anyone (including Oprah) that actually believed the opening airplane sequence is a total idiot.

  3. Caramel vodka? Hmmmm. Also, you know your surgeon has to be crazy busy. Don't worry yet.

  4. My brother does a Mars Bar vodka... it's deeeeelishus! We toasted at my wedding with vodka chocolate shots that he'd made. It's allll good.

    fahey xxxx

  5. Caramel vodka proves that you're a goddess. I'm off to get some really good caramels.

    I'm with Merecat. Your surgeon has to be horribly busy and fortunately we know Braja is okay.

  6. Carmel vodka does sound good. mmmm. and reading. Love that too.

  7. Caramel Vodka??!! I see a Caramel Appletini in my Holiday future

  8. I thought there was something wrong with me that I didn't like Oprah's books. I guess I was right.
    When my hus gets off the wagon, I'll make him some caramel vodka. What's family for if not to enable?
    Glad you had a good TG.

  9. I'm sooo keeping all the caramel vodka for myself and giving empty greeting cards for christmas gifts!