Friday, November 28, 2008

It's Everybody Can Bite Me Friday!

I have plumbed the depths of hell and bought an "Oprah Book Club" selection, Edgar Sawtelle. I expect it to suck as every book I ever bought based on Her Rotundness' recommendation has sucked. I stopped buying them but a few years later bought James Frey's A Million Little Pieces, which I loved. Then Oprah got all up in her weave and appeared DEVASTATED that some parts of the memoir were not true and APOLOGIZED to her viewers. Puhleeeeeeeeeeze.

I had AAA come and install a new battery on Tuesday. The gas tank was full but half of it had evaporated. I drove to get a Big Mac and then got my car washed. Then it rained the next day because God likes to remind me every once in a while that I'm not in charge of everything. That's how much HE knows.

I drove to Costco where the lines were long and the shoppers mean. I was trying to negotiate my cart around a woman who OF COURSE didn't move after I said, "Excuse me; I have trouble walking and my hands don't work well." She replied, "Sure, as long as you stop HITTING ME." So I smiled sweetly, which is virtually impossible for me, and added a huge limp to my walking pattern plus drool and crossed eyes and hobbled away like Quasimodo. It gave me immense pleasure. God, I make a perfect 10 year old.

I didn't go to Malibu for Thanksgiving after all. Some of the guests I wanted to see weren't going to be there so I went to the party across the street, which was fabulous. Johnny and Carson (who was one of my friends who helped me during my recovery and who had been though a similar situation with her leg) are a married couple and all their friends are in the performing arts. Directors, singers, radio newscasters, etc. No kids! But dogs! Yay! A friend of theirs cooked two turkeys in their smoker. The moment I saw there was no green bean casserole in any form I was thrilled. They did asparagus with hollandaise, so much better. I didn't take my camera and after I saw the crowd, I was sorry I didn't.

Here's a pretty cheap and FABULOUS gift for your friends who drink: Caramel Vodka

1 bottle cheap vodka
1 and a half bags of Werther's Caramels
1 large vessel
1 funnel as needed

Do not use cheap caramels or expensive vodka!!

-Pour the vodka in the large vessel
-Add the caramels
-Leave overnight until all the caramels have melted.
-Pour back into empty vodka bottle after removing the vodka label
-Wrap with Xmas paper and a bow

The caramels will take up a lot of space so all the liquid will not fit back into the vodka bottle. I never got around to figuring this part out. My friends and I would usually drink what wouldn't fit into the bottle and take turns mocking AA by announcing "Hi, my name is Suzy and..oops, there's the bell!" They give you 5 minutes to speak and then ring a bell. Even if you're having a stroke at the podium, get off! It's worse than school and I think we all know how well I did there. Which might explain why I can't figure out the caramel into vodka bottle ratio.

I have not heard from my surgeon in Mumbai.

End of chat.

10 comments:

  1. Suzy: I love your Op-lease-rah digs, and I need to go shopping with you. Hey, we both have "bite me" posts today...we must totally rock ...

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  2. True confession: I've loved just about every book Oprah has ever recommended (but then I love almost all books). I ESPECIALLY loved A Million Little Pieces, but I think anyone (including Oprah) that actually believed the opening airplane sequence is a total idiot.

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  3. Caramel vodka? Hmmmm. Also, you know your surgeon has to be crazy busy. Don't worry yet.

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  4. My brother does a Mars Bar vodka... it's deeeeelishus! We toasted at my wedding with vodka chocolate shots that he'd made. It's allll good.

    fahey xxxx

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  5. Caramel vodka proves that you're a goddess. I'm off to get some really good caramels.

    I'm with Merecat. Your surgeon has to be horribly busy and fortunately we know Braja is okay.

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  6. Carmel vodka does sound good. mmmm. and reading. Love that too.

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  7. Caramel Vodka??!! I see a Caramel Appletini in my Holiday future

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  8. I thought there was something wrong with me that I didn't like Oprah's books. I guess I was right.
    When my hus gets off the wagon, I'll make him some caramel vodka. What's family for if not to enable?
    Glad you had a good TG.

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  9. I'm sooo keeping all the caramel vodka for myself and giving empty greeting cards for christmas gifts!

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