My Current Enemies 1

I'm walking a lot better. I know that sounds retarded since I just pole vaulted over a gardener but all in all, I'm walking fine.

But my hands are still numb. Once a day Every hour I'm yelling FUCK over something I can't do.

These are the things I wish would disappear into the recession:

1. Saran Wrap. Buy Press and Seal, much easier to use.

2. Bleach. Impossible to press down and turn that top. Stop buying white clothes.

3. Cutting the stems of flowers. I just got 2 dozen roses and by the time I finished cutting the stems the bouquet looked like a roller-coaster ride. Buy them in a vase at your local store and hand deliver them. It took me 10 minutes to open the box that I guess was meant to orbit space for 45 years.

4. Blogger spellcheck. A fetus could correct more errors than their stupid program.

5. Medicine bottles. Ask the pharmacist to give you the bottles that open easier instead of the press and turn. If you're afraid your kids will find them, they're already into drugs and looking for more so it's too late.

6. Opening jars. Jam, peanut butter, heroin.

7. I can't put my hair up. Buy a wig which I'mthisclose to doing.

8. And the cruelest one of all, I can fit into my old clothes and can't BUTTON anything so I'm thinking of walking around nude. I'll probably get better service this way.

If you have a neighbor or friend who has arthritis or one hand or anything wrong with their upper appendages, don't forget about them. It's easy to do that when your own hands work.

ASK them If they need help opening things. It will make them feel good that you care and leave the door open for them to maybe ask you to help them the next time. Sometimes I would sit up here for days feeling like I shouldn't bother people for something but when I asked, they were more than happy to help. My friends Carson and Karen will call and the first thing out of their mouths, even today is, "What can I do to help?"

End of chat.