Yet more anonymous snippets from the emails I receive.
I really don’t mind pissing off stupid people; I’m just trying to avoid alienating the smart ones.
I didn't feel like drinking too much anyways so instead I took a Xanax.
If I ever need a private dick, you'll be the one I call. Actually, you're not much help but you're fast.
I almost tried out to be the guy that draws the numbers for the Georgia Lottery this morning.
What date is your ankle surgery? I want to write it in my calendar so I can bring you magazines and fairy dust.
I am in the process of having to have a D&C. Not pretty and I think I have had more doctors looking at the inside of my vagina than I care to mention.
Just wrapped up a week on Without A Trace....have been trying to get into one hour land for a while......it went well...will let you know when it airs.....of course you know I could play a creep. What a stretch.
Just finished reading "I Killed" by Ritch Shydner and Mark Schiff - - AND WHY WAS ONE OF YOUR STORIES NOT IN THAT BOOK??? Hopefully, they'll do a part II - seemed like so many comics were missing & SOOO many I had never heard of.
Hey, you want to go hike Runyan Canyon with me?
My mom is in town and said to say hi.
Amazing how our heart strings are pulled with songs, or pictures, or smells... right? I can not believe the rollercoaster we buy tickets for sometimes.
You get to be neurotic for a little while, but then someone usually slaps some sense into you and then a blizzard hits and your father accidentally drives over one of the barnyard cats and you hear about possible ethnic cleansing in Kenya and you kind of remember what's important after all.
End of chat.
I really don’t mind pissing off stupid people; I’m just trying to avoid alienating the smart ones.
I didn't feel like drinking too much anyways so instead I took a Xanax.
If I ever need a private dick, you'll be the one I call. Actually, you're not much help but you're fast.
I almost tried out to be the guy that draws the numbers for the Georgia Lottery this morning.
What date is your ankle surgery? I want to write it in my calendar so I can bring you magazines and fairy dust.
I am in the process of having to have a D&C. Not pretty and I think I have had more doctors looking at the inside of my vagina than I care to mention.
Just wrapped up a week on Without A Trace....have been trying to get into one hour land for a while......it went well...will let you know when it airs.....of course you know I could play a creep. What a stretch.
Just finished reading "I Killed" by Ritch Shydner and Mark Schiff - - AND WHY WAS ONE OF YOUR STORIES NOT IN THAT BOOK??? Hopefully, they'll do a part II - seemed like so many comics were missing & SOOO many I had never heard of.
Hey, you want to go hike Runyan Canyon with me?
My mom is in town and said to say hi.
Amazing how our heart strings are pulled with songs, or pictures, or smells... right? I can not believe the rollercoaster we buy tickets for sometimes.
You get to be neurotic for a little while, but then someone usually slaps some sense into you and then a blizzard hits and your father accidentally drives over one of the barnyard cats and you hear about possible ethnic cleansing in Kenya and you kind of remember what's important after all.
End of chat.
Awesome post! hehe :o)
ReplyDeleteThe first one made me spit my coffee.
ReplyDeleteThen I slurped it off my desk.
I think I might have a problem.
ReplyDeleteYou have some really smart and funny people emailing you. I love these Mailbags.
anonymous, yes, yours is the rollercoaster one. Unless I'm thinking of the wrong anonymous.
ReplyDeletebee, coffee is really good for cleaning desks. I've used it many times myself.
gm, one of the 'smart and funny' people is you. I think you've made every one!
MJ, I forget to answer you. I submitted for I Killed and they turned me down. Some of the anecdotes that made it in were beyond lame. But it's a big boy's club and I didn't know the authors of the book. I was recommended to them from another female comic, the kiss of death.
ReplyDeleteThe book is tedious and not very funny.
I forget- which one was mine? Was it the D&C? It's so hard to keep track of all the people I tell every time I have one.
ReplyDeleteSuzy,
ReplyDeleteI was quoted in a magazine as saying, "Every man wants 2 women in one night, unless, of course, he's a comedy booker." 25 years later it's still true. What are they so scared of?
Aloha,
MJ
Jenee, for starters, you have no vagina. And your quote was the one about the private dick. Which is odd considering you're vaginaless.
ReplyDeleteMJ, men have an innate fear of powerful women and comedy = power. Psychology has vetted that issue for decades. They just don't want to admit that there are women who are smarter, (Hillary) and in our case, funnier, than they are.
I got a free lobotomy with my c-section so all the funny I have left is drools and snorts from reading your blog.
ReplyDeletemy mom says hello again.
ReplyDeleteWhat's a D&C? Duck and Cover?
ReplyDeletesusskins, Dilation and Curettage. That's why it's referred to as a D&C, it's less disgusting.
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