Please stop telling me to Enjoy! anything on your blog. I feel that I've got the brain waves necessary to be able to figure out what to enjoy on my own. After all, I've stuck with chocolate all these years so how dumb could I be?
You don't go to the movies and see Enjoy! written on the screen before the movie starts, do you? Or when you walk into a Target, does it say Enjoy! over the main door? I know we all love our blogs but I would never ask anyone to Enjoy! anything I've written. I would ask you to erase it from your hard drive and then get a lobotomy but I would never be pretentious enough to ask you to enjoy it. Seriously, if you knew how little I find enjoyable, you would never request someone like me to enjoy anything other than a rare filet mignon and some Dom Pérignon. In Paris. While in bed with George Clooney after we've had some very raunchy sex. And after I won the biggest lottery in the history of lotteries. Which is probably why George agreed to go out with me in the first place.
And to all of you who think you've written Ulysses or think you're the new Ansel Adams, by very virtue of the fact that you expect me to Enjoy!, it's a lock that I'm going to hate it. Tell me to dislike something and then I probably won't. Yeah, I have authority issues. Whatev.
It's the same in standup. Right before you go on stage there is usually some newbie with five minutes standing there saying "Have fun!" I always want to answer, "Are you a real standup? Because if you are, you would never say that to another comic. Instead you would say, "Don't let this club pay you by check."
As much as Enjoy! annoys me, there are other words from the Planet Enough that I can't take anymore. For example, please don't include me in your group salutation of "Hey Gang!" The last people who used that word were in movies made in the 1930's. If in doubt about using words like 'gang,' imagine Mick Jagger using it in a sentence. Or Chris Rock. Or even Paris Hilton. Eggggggggzactly. And how wrong is it that I refuse to spell that word correctly? Once again, I'm part of the problem.
And by the way, please don't refer to me as a Gal. I'm not Rosalind Russell. And while we're on the topic of words that get on my nerves, how hard is it to say anyhow? Why do people say anyhoo? Do you want me to kill you?
Which brings me to long story short. You've now just added three words to your story. Which makes it longer.
End of chat.