Autograph Heaven

My standup group, Single, Married & Divorced, was touring Georgia back in the 90's. I think we were in Savannah although I'm one of those comics that remembers what jokes worked, not the cities they worked in.

Sidebar: This is the last tee shirt in this series so I've decided to make it one of the prizes in the next contest I have. It's a size XL/XG, is 100% cotton pre-shrunk and has never been worn. (That spot you see on the upper left quadrant on the shirt is from my camera and not the shirt. GREAT. And oh yes, FUCK.)

So a guy named Eddie came up to the autograph table in Savannah and said he remembered me from one of my U.S.O. tours. In Macedonia. Macedonia was a rough ride as the comics were under the auspices of the United Nations Peacekeepers and slept in red-tagged bunkers at night, surrounded by barbed wire and soldiers in towers with weapons. We spent our days visiting Serbian checkpoints in Black Hawk helicopters and doing shows at night in sub-freezing weather.

The Black Hawk

Eddie was now out of the Army and visiting his friend Scott in Georgia and had seen an ad for our show in the local papers. Turns out that he had moved to Los Angeles and had the same agent back in L.A. that I did. Very little ever blows my mind but that did. Eddie asked me where I was staying and then he and his friend took off. The next day, I got a bouquet of flowers delivered to my room at Motel Hell No from Eddie and Scott. And they spelled my name right. I can't tell you how many people mangle the spelling of my first name. Like my mother.

We were going to South Carolina the next day to do more shows and this was one of the sweetest bouquet of flowers I had ever received. People, seriously, if you think flowers die and what's the point of giving them then let me put it this way, you're so wrong it hurts what little brain cells I have left.

The best part of this card was the Hoooaahh!! If you know military boys, you know what that means to them and you feel flattered that they've included you in that club.

I keep all of my personal comedy memorabilia in scrapbooks. I have seven of them. Whenever I think I've done nothing with my life I flip through them and then flush the crack down the toilet.

This is something I found in one of them that I considered one of the best autographs I never got around to framing. (If you've seen pictures of my Hall Of Fame you know what I'm referring to)

This is from a Comfort Inn in Niagara Falls. That's how big standup was back in the 90's; there were clubs in places that there shouldn't have been. Like in my living room.

After this particular show I was hanging out at the bar when one of the patrons pointed out that the Mayor Of Munchkin City not only lived in Niagara Falls but was at the bar. So of course I had to go introduce myself and ask for his autograph. It was the MAYOR OF MUNCHKIN CITY.

So recently I came upon it and decided to search IMDb for the details of this actor. Turns out that the guy who signed this brochure was one 'Tommy Cottonaro.' Not only was he not the Mayor but he is listed as a munchkin who was not credited in the film. Tommy Cottonaro was listed as "Bearded Man (uncredited) "

I don't blame Tommy Cottonaro. Show business is the hardest business in Oz. But I will not be framing it.

End of chat.