Friday, February 22, 2008

It's Everyone Can Bite Me Friday!

My arch enemy Jenée has gone to Afghanistan to entertain the troops but usually works one of the bars at The Academy Awards at this time of year. Normally I would twist those words into something immature and sexual but instead I'm just going to wish her well and hope she brings me back a fly boy. One that she hasn't slept with yet.

My friend Tommy got a job working at TMZ, the TV show. I think that must be a whole other war zone over there. Coincidental that TMZ and DMZ rhyme? Don't think so.

I ran into my friend Ken, a local musician. He's 60 years old and we were talking about how I used to walk all over our neighborhood and he said that he remembered when I had a flat stomach. When do men stop checking out women's bodies? The answer is Never so just pass the mashed potatoes.

I'm pretty sure that the Jenny Craig people have been smoking their food. Queen Latifah is their new spokesperson and her commercial starts with these words: I've never watched the scale, that's not my thing. Well no shit, Sherlock. That's why you're now eating DIET food.

In the I Thought I'd Heard Everything Department I ran into another friend, Carson. I hadn't seen her in a long time and asked her what she was up to. She said that almost a year ago she was riding her scooter when a car hit her and she bounced off the hood. She broke her tibia and fibia and her kneecap lifted off. Her friends were in the car behind her and stopped to help because she was unconscious. They picked up her things and put them all in her backpack which was then loaded into the ambulance with her. When she got to the hospital, she was surprised to find herself at County, not a nice place to be in any town. When she asked the nurses why she was there, they said because she had no insurance. She said she did and to hand her her backpack. The nurses said she didn't come in with one. Turns out some kind soul had stolen it.

Lisa Rinna will be on the red carpet doing the celebrity thing this Sunday and although her lips take up a considerable part of a camera lens, I hope there's room left over for the dresses. She made the TV rounds yesterday and was saying that there is no more negativity, joking or criticism allowed; that the red carpet now is all just Positive! Positive! Positive!, thereby killing it for us at home and further ensuring the useless worship of celebrities.

And in more ridiculous stories about show business, KT Tunstall was deemed too old when she was only 27. No record company would give her a deal which reminded me of the movie Valley of the Dolls, made in 1967. The pill-popping Neely and her husband are discussing her acting career and he tells her that she's washed up in Hollywood. And she replies, "But I'm only twenty-three."

Made in 1 9 6 7.

End of chat.


  1. You know what makes ME feel old? (I mean, other than actually BEING old...) Seeing what time you posted this. Dear Lord! I haven't seen 1:30 in the morning in... oh, man... a decade? Boy am I cool. THAT comment is gonna get me some readers, huh?

  2. Well well, we've raised the bar on old by 4 years and its 2008. I still love the bed seen on Boston Legal between Candice Bergren and whats his name ( Laroque?). He's done well for him self, 40 years earlier she would never have been caught in bed with him.

  3. I'll counter Carson's story of thievery: My son (the 12-year-old Walter) had his jacket stolen from a Christian concert filled with youth groups. It's not a trip to the county hospital or anything, but it really pissed me off. I know it shouldn't, but it did.

    Oh -- and I hope Carson has recovered.


  4. I love Everyone Can Bite Me Friday! Way more than I ever loved Raymond.

  5. I can't believe that turkey said he remembered when your stomach was flat! He sure won't be gettin' any anytime soon if he keeps that up.

  6. Anonymous11:25 AM

    "Ken the local musician" is either an idiot or a Scientologist or both. If he has a comment about your tummy, then he is some kind of weird stalker...probably checking out the rest of your anatomy as well...if you see him, cross the street....

  7. I was very surprised and disappointed that Queen Latifa is on a diet now. She always said she was happy with the way she looked, I should have known better.
    I am with MJ on the rude musician, cross the street. Or, you could have just smacked him. What is the age limit for smacking a rude man?

  8. madmad, I have sleep issues. And no regular job so my hours are all over the place. You're not the first to point out the ridiculous hours that I post.

    Anne, I haven't watched Boston Legal for a few years now. I think something else is on in that time slot that caught my add eye.

    Amy, every theft is such a violation. I had a hat I bought in London and a leather jacket from S.F. stolen in a nightclub. I still miss them...

    Brody, I love it too cuz I don't have to make sense or have a theme or a beginning, middle and end. Not that I've ever made sense before.

    merecat, MJ and gm, actually I was kind of glad Ken said something to me. I did have a flat stomach before and not exercising has hurt since I put on weight because of it. But the ankle makes it slow going but it's time to get out of denial. If our friends can't tell us the truth, then who can? Certainly you don't expect US to tell ourselves the truth????

  9. I think I might be in need of "an everyone can bite me day."

  10. jenn, I think everyone needs one. Seriously.