Monday, February 11, 2008

The Grammy's

Alicia Keyes and Frank Sinatra. Wow.

Prince. He's 3 feet 12, weighs 18 ounces and I'd step over my dead grandmother to get to him.

Rihanna. Could someone please club me over the head when that song Umbrella comes on? Yeah yeah, it's catchy. I get it. I heard Britney Spears was offered it and turned it down so I think that proves she's not as insane as people think.

The Beatles and Cirque de Soleil? Not really. They're the Beatles. Cirque de Soleil is not.

Kanye, I like you dude. But special effects and a paean to your Mom don't make up for the fact that you can't sing without making my ears bleed. Just stick to rapping. And engraving MAMA into your hair? Who does that? When Frank Sinatra's Mom died, I'm pretty sure he didn't carve her name into his scalp. Although I wasn't there, so maybe.

Why don't Ringo Starr's ears have their own zip code? Unless ears determine penis size, I really don't need to see something that big attached to anybody's head.


I was thrilled that Burt Bacharach won a Lifetime achievement award. He used to date my sister and is one of the nicest guys I've ever met. (I have better stories about him but they're disguised in my first book and way too wild to reveal on a blog) He once called me from Las Vegas where he and Paul Anka were holed up writing songs. He asked me to listen to something and come up with a name for it. It was 3 a.m. New York time and I was on the phone with these two legends and half asleep and couldn't think. I came up with a name but I have no idea what it was. If it was Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head, somebody owes me some money. I still run into him every few years or so and he always remembers my name and to ask about my career. People who love me don't even do that.

Best line of the night. Vince Gill after his win, "I just got an award given to me by a Beatle. Can you say that, Kanye?"

Worst moment of the night. The brilliance of the Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue followed by the clumsy intro by Who? and Who Else? I have no idea who the retards were that followed them. Herbie Hancock and Lang Lang were in the middle of a standing O. And just cut off at the knees. Especially since after Amy Winehouse sang Rehab they let her get plenty of applause. I'm glad Hancock won Album of the Year. Long overdue.

And Winehouse is still stoned; I'm guessing it's methadone to wean her off heroin. But yeah, make no mistake, still very high. I've actually been in rehab so yeah, high.

End of chat.


  1. The pump for our well decided to crap out on Sunday (yeah, we live in the sticks outside BFE and have to get our own water out of the ground) so in the midst of dealing with that little bit of tragedy I got to see about 15 minutes of the Grammys. Guess which quarter hour I saw? Amy Winehouse. yay.

    (Oh, and new pump, piping and Sunday service call: not quite priceless but real fucking close!)

  2. Tina Turner was great. Even if her plastic surgeon has left her almost immobile.

    Amy Winehouse rocks.

    That version of "Let it Be" made me want to punch somebody in the face. I don't think that's the meaning behind that song though.

  3. Anonymous10:46 AM

    I think, among other things, the Keely/Kid Rock thing was amazing -- is it because of the writer's strike? Or were they going to do this anyway? I thought it was the best Grammy Award show in years. Good review, Ms. Soro...keep up the good work -- can't wait 'til the Oscars...

  4. Dear Celebrity Gossiper,

    I am utterly delighted that our crack loving Amy WInehouse has represented Great Britain so well. Long live the Queen.

    Amy Winehouse's biggest fan,
    Prof Scrub

  5. jami, sorry you missed it. It actually was a great show.

    jay, I loved what Tina was wearing. I don't see how you could tell her face was immobile since the camera never really got close to her face.

    MJ, agreed on the Keely/Kid Rock duo. But I would have loved to see Robert Plant and Allison Krause up there too.

    prof scrub, Amy did all the Brits proud except your tat artists really suck.

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  7. I hear Ringo used his ears as satellite dishes. No seriously, I'm pleased he hasn't undergone some weird surgery like Robert Redford did, he looked so much better with those bags under his eyes.

  8. Damn! I knew there was something I was supposed to record last night while I was at work.

  9. emma, yeah, Redford has looked better. He's spent way too much time in the sun too.

    gm, it was a great show...

  10. Surcie6:39 PM

    I'm trying to compose myself. You knew Burt Bacharach, too?! He is so amazingly cool. You are, too. Man, I'd love to read your that book!

  11. Beyonce has thighs the size of tree trunks. I should know, since I also have thighs the size of tree trunks.

  12. While I have to admit that I have finally gotten too old to really enjoy the Grammy's, I agree with you on Vince Gill's line. It's been making me chuckle off and on since then.

  13. surcie, Burt is a prince among princes. And his killer blue eyes don't hurt either.

    traci, I think Beyonce is tall, I can't remember. Mary J. Blige has some serious thighs.

    candy, I can't help but wonder if there are some hidden agendas there?

  14. I missed the Grammy's. Aren't there like a zillion award shows on now days? And who the heck is Amy Winehouse? I first heard of her the other day and now everything I turn on has her on it! Wierd.

  15. tanya, I just read a celebrity gossip blog this morning (on my sidebar - Celebrity Blind Items) and he said he doubted anyone knew who Winehouse was. I have her CD and it's really a great one.

  16. (Clearly I'm catching up on your blog)

    Glad to see Burt B. has regained his cool factor a way that he'll probably never lose. Thank you Austin Powers and Ben Folds. I liked his music when it was new, via my mom's tastes--thank you Dionne Warwick and B.J. Thomas.

    BTW, the bad news is you can't copyright a song title. The good news is, no one would probably pay you at this point anyway. But you know you helped. Enjoy the feeling (whoops, that word again).