Friday, February 15, 2008

It's Everyone Can Bite Me Friday!

The nice weather has returned to SoCal, as our newscasters refer to it. I guess it takes too long to say 'Southern California' when you have all that freeway traffic to report. Freeway traffic is to us as crude oil prices are to the United Arab Emirates. Meaning that we watch it like a hawk and bitch about it every night.

The managers of our building moved out without telling anyone. We now have 4 vacancies in a 22 unit building. One-bedrooms with no A/C go for $1400 and studios go for a grand. There's parking and a pool and we do live in a hot neighborhood but ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THESE PRICES? I don't pay that much but I do enjoy CAPS LOCK.

The WGA strike is over but I haven't really missed any scripted shows except Ugly Betty, Bones, House, and Grey's. I realized that much of what I was watching was just babysitting me so I wouldn't have to do any real work, like finishing the polish on my novel/memoir and setting the dreaded query letter in motion.

Project Runway is almost over. I thought Christian and Jillian were obvious pics but I'm really over Rami's draping. Pick Chris and give me some dramahhhh.

I spoke to my best friend Valerie last weekend. After I was dumped by Peter, the first guy I almost married, when I was 20, (MENTAL ALERT) Valerie asked her ex-boyfriend Tom to take me out since I never left my bedroom and slept with Peter's briefs under my pillow. (I'M SORRY MOM THAT YOU HAD TO WASH THOSE EVERY WEEK EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE ONLY COVERED IN TEARS) Tom and Valerie were the IT couple in their high school. All popular and cute and shit. Meanwhile, I had no dates in high school. GUYS HATE CHICKS WHO ARE FUNNIER THAN THEY ARE BUT I'M JUST SAYING THIS IN CAPS BECAUSE I'M BITTER.

However, when I was a senior my school did a computer dating trade-off with another high school and I ended up with a guy named Walter who was bald. In high school.

While we're on the topic, when you name your kids, stop naming them from the 1820's. Do you look at your baby and think, 'What's worse, Herman or Walter? Which name will likely turn up on a blog written in 2008 by a woman with an ankle missing all its cartilage?'

Years ago I found out that Peter, the guy who dumped me, married a woman who had a lot of money and all he did was sit around and play guitar. If I ever believed that a Higher Power saved you from your own retardation, I saw it on this one. A guy who doesn't have a job. Wow, who doesn't want that?

The news on my surgery seems to have turned around. When all this is settled, I'll post about it.

End of chat.


  1. That's funny. My first love sits around and plays guitar all the time too, but thinks that IS a job. BOY DID I DODGE THAT BULLET!

  2. They'll never admit you're funnier, though. MadMad and I were just discussing this.

  3. Beckie5:41 AM

    Today is my official move day. My fabulously cute new 2 bedroom is $990 (fitness center included - but sadly no pool). Over here in Connecticut all my family thinks I'm nuts for taking it and paying that much in rent. I'm going to send them here so they can see at least I'm not paying Cali prices! On a semi-related note - does "suzy's other job" ever bring her to the east coast????? I'm desperately in need of an experienced eye/decorating touch.

  4. I don't know Suzy, i think having that kind of weather might make the rent worth it. My first love is now a cardiologist in Wisconsin and I am soooo glad i didn't marry him. My mother has never forgiven me (and she says things like: all your children would have had georgeous legs).

  5. Funny women are hawt. CAPS LOCK is kind of a turnoff. I want Chris to win PR. I want Jillian to be famous. I hope you get your surgery sorted out. Walt, whew.

  6. The managers moved out? That cannot be a good sign. Unless, of course, they just got a job that paid better than a-free-place-to-live-including-utilities per month. Still, you might want to look around your place for large cracks in the walls, floors or ceilings or perhaps vermin attempting to carry off your refrigerator.

  7. My first love is the pastor of a church with two kids and a wife who is seven years older than him and just as overbearing as his MOTHER. I feel like I dodged two bullets there. Now I'm glad I wasn't Italian and my parents were divorced (her reasons for my not being up to snuff).

  8. merecat, looks like we both dodged the guitar bullet.

    suburban, madmad and I have discussed this subject and one male in particular!

    beckie, if you have a digital camera, take a film of the room you want redone. We often do it this way when people live out of town. I'll give you half off since you read my blog!

    anne, well, if you look at it that way, then yes, I guess weather trumps money? (I only pay $800, how lucky am I?)

    Brody, do you want Chris or Christian? I think Christian will take it all. I do hope Chris makes it in though.

    jami, all places in LA have cracks in that we've been thru a few earthquakes!

    shieldmaiden, if being divorced is not up to snuff, then all our country is in the toilet..

  9. Anonymous10:59 AM

    Is it possible that Walter, the bald guy from high school is now a fabulously wealthy computer geek and would have financed your first film with his billions?
    Martha Jane

  10. suzy, I wan't Chris. Chris is fun. Christian is a'ight, but he's too full of himself. I like a little self-doubt in my reality show contestants.

  11. MJ, even if he was, I wouldn't be interested. He was boring as hell.

    Brody, I wouldn't have a problem with Chris winning. I like that he was cut once and then came back and has gone the distance. I keep thinking he'll be fan favorite. Christian used to work for V. Westwood and Alexander McQueen. Big designers aren't known for being humble. Otherwise they'd never have clients!

    And p.s. when is Jillian going to buy a personality?

  12. I have no idea what my first love is up to these days. It's been around 20 years since I knew. His name is too common to google.
    I dated a bald guy just once, he was the cheapest bastard I ever met. He took me to Pizza Hut then asked me to pay! Then he still thought I should sleep with him.
    I also miss Bones and House.

  13. Pom Not6:34 PM

    I wish I had been in on that computer dating thing in high school . . .Those rental prices sound comparable to this area - but no AC?? I haven't missed too much with the strike. I like The Old Christine, 30 Rock and The Office. Love ya belated Valentine

  14. gm, I've had some lame bf's but not as lame as that. (I'm lying)

    Pom Not, I can't believe you don't remember the computer dating. Oh wait, I know, you had a million dates back then....

  15. Surcie11:28 AM

    I live for PR, so I'm glad you mentioned it. I know Chris is Mr. Costume and they haven't been wild about his designs (except for the wrestling getup), but I wish they had cut Rami. I'm over his drapery. I think Christian should win because his sewing skills alone are tht good. And yeah, Jillian needs a shot of charisma or something.

    Have you watched Celeb Rehab?

  16. Surcie, I think Christian is going to take it all, unless he massively screws up at Bryant Park. But who knows?

    I'm so over Rami. He should have been cut and Chris should have been in.

  17. I think it's a requirement here in the South that we choose names from the 1820s. Or from a soap opera. Maybe it's the heat.

    The upside is, my 12-year-old son Walter is the only 12-year-old Walter in his school. In our city. In our county. His square factor was pretty high, even as a preschooler. I blame it on the name.

    Love the blog.


  18. Amy, please don't hate me because I'm obnoxious! And I got saddled with Susan, not my first pick for names....

  19. Trust me, you got off easy:

    Actually Susan is one of my favorite names. My "girl next door" (literally) as a kid was Susie. I'm told we were found skinny-dipping (or something like it) by the creek near our houses. Too long ago for me to remember; but going to that creek always did give me a funny feeling later. My luck with females has been downhill ever since!