I wonder why Sodoku is so popular.
I wonder why most people are terrible at math.
I wonder why no one reads anymore.
I wonder why more books are being published than ever before.
I wonder why my parents made me eat lima beans.
I wonder why you never see anyone eat lima beans.
I wonder why Donald Trump thinks his hair looks good.
I wonder how much he pays his wife to agree with him.
I wonder why 82% of the population can’t find Wyoming on a map.
I wonder if that’s why only 493,782 people live there.
I wonder why women are obsessed with shoes.
I wonder why men aren’t.
I wonder why we’re on the Earth.
I wonder if anyone from Neptune knows we’re here.
I wonder why all of my ex-boyfriends are idiots.
I wonder if that makes me an idiot for going out with them.
I wonder if Woody Allen knows his therapy didn’t work.
I wonder if any of the therapy I had worked.
I wonder how I’m going to meet kinder women and smarter men.
I wonder how I’m going to meet smarter women and kinder men.
I wonder if Conan O’Brien knows he’s not funny.
I wonder if David Letterman knows he is.
I wonder why Jay Leno is still on the air.
I wonder if the other three even know Jimmy Fallon is on the air.
I wonder why we elected the dumber of the two Bushes twice.
I wonder why we elected either of them once.
I wonder if this is the End of chat.
Showing posts with label Jay Leno. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jay Leno. Show all posts
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Letterman Joins Conan In The Big Baby Wars
Just when we thought the self-annointed important boys of late night had stopped marking their territory along comes Letterman to threaten any celebrity with banishment if they appear on Leno first.
Oh Dave.
Really?
Why don't you ban really important things like bloggers who post poetry and memes? Or recipes for gruel? Or people who, don't know, how, to use, commas correctly?
Dave, don't make me come down there.
Oh Dave.
Really?
Why don't you ban really important things like bloggers who post poetry and memes? Or recipes for gruel? Or people who, don't know, how, to use, commas correctly?
Dave, don't make me come down there.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Conan O'Brien Is A Big Fat Baby...
...although no one could accuse the 6'4" gangly talk show host of ever being overweight. If he hunches his shoulders forward he looks like a question mark. Sex with him might be mistaken for genital flossing.
Hollywood is a miserable town in which to fail. Much like Detroit, we do one thing and one thing only. We roll out our Edsel's, take our hits and then load up the 2010 version with more airbags.
As hard as it is to give a shit about what two multimillionaires are grumbling about in our still crumbling economy, I'm going to weigh in because it concerns the comedy business, a business I've been in for 24 years. A business so convoluted that the essence of comedy is often lost in the gross amount of money required to keep it afloat. It's a numbers game. The bigger the numbers, the more advertisers and more money. Welcome to TV.
Hollywood is a miserable town in which to fail. Much like Detroit, we do one thing and one thing only. We roll out our Edsel's, take our hits and then load up the 2010 version with more airbags.
As hard as it is to give a shit about what two multimillionaires are grumbling about in our still crumbling economy, I'm going to weigh in because it concerns the comedy business, a business I've been in for 24 years. A business so convoluted that the essence of comedy is often lost in the gross amount of money required to keep it afloat. It's a numbers game. The bigger the numbers, the more advertisers and more money. Welcome to TV.
Jay Leno at 10:00 PM was a disaster for the NBC late night news affiliates around the country. The affiliates were rumored to be losing over 100 million dollars with him helming his own show. The affiliates applied pressure to NBC for the latter part of Jay's 4 month tenure. They wanted him out and the more successful 10 pm dramas to return to that time slot.
Conan started losing The Tonight Show audience almost immediately. His herky-jerky physical movements and grotesque faces were not lulling us to sleep. The under-30's responded well to Conan because they weren't going to bed early. The rest of the country needed the soporific that is Jay Leno.
NBC was unhappy with Conan's numbers. The affilates were losing money with him too. But NBC deserved the drubbing Conan got after booting Jay Leno, who consistently posted winning numbers, burying Letterman year after year.
I'm not a fan of either Jay or Conan and don't think either are funny just so you know where I stand on the issue. I'm just an equal opportunity basher.
Conan has never had to play the Hollywood game. He's been one lucky guy for the last 20 years. The Simpsons, Saturday Night Live, Late Night and then The Tonight Show. People kissed his ass so many times it was concave. If he experienced career failure along the way, I didn't see it.
But Jay? He was thrown off The Tonight Show as a recurring guest back in the 80's. He wasn't even famous enough for it to make the papers. He eventually made it back on as the permanent guest host, further proving how messed up this business is. First he's banned and then he's a guest host and then The King Of It All?
I found this quote from 1994 by Jeff Jarvis, the Couch Critic from TV Guide. "It doesn't matter what (Conan) O'Brien does because he won't control his fate - his competition will." How prescient was that? He also said "O'Brien - like Leno - took one of TV's great shows and turned it into an also-ran because he didn't have the vision to make it his own."
He's referring to Conan taking over Late Night from Letterman and Leno taking over from Johnny. Jarvis ultimately got it wrong because both hosts eventually succeeded. And you have to wonder if the late night talk show can ever be reinvented. Only Steve Allen and Letterman did that.
"I sincerely believe that delaying The Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting." ~ Conan O'Brien
Johnny Carson hosted The Tonight Show when it was on from 11:30 to 1:00 a.m., way into "the next day." As Johnny's tenure continued he asked them to make the show a half hour shorter. Having watched The Tonight Show from the 8th grade on, (terrible insomnia and a mom who watched Johnny while she graded papers) I was used to the longer format. But like the rest of the country, I survived this horrifying setback in my life.
This is where Conan overshot his mark and became a baby. If he had just moved his show one half hour to midnight, his ratings would have improved because he would be following Jay, who had ridiculously high ratings when he did The Tonight Show. I believe Conan's ultimate decision to leave was based on his embarrassment over losing one of the greatest franchises in comedy history due to poor ratings.
So Conan, take a seat over here with Suzanne Somers, the late Farrah Fawcett, McLean Stevenson, Shelley Long, David Caruso and countless others who thought they were bigger than the Hollywood machine.
They weren't.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Ding Dong The Bitch Is Dead Part 2
FINALLY! This is good news for comedians everywhere. Judy Brown has been ripping off comics for so many years that if you cut her open and counted the joke thief rings it would date back to 1857. The year she was born.
Thankfully Jay Leno put a stop to her thievery. Click on the label at the bottom of this post to read the entire story but score one for Team Comics. Writing a joke is one of the hardest things in the world to do. If you don't believe me, write one and then go on stage somewhere and use it.
From Yahoo News
Gina Serpe, Wed Jan 23, 10:02 AM ET Los Angeles (E! Online)
The Tonight Show host has settled a lawsuit filed against the creators of a series of joke books he claimed ripped off material from both his show and stand-up routines.
Leno and his fellow plaintiffs—including NBC Studios and a contingent of fellow comedians, among them Rita Rudner—filed the lawsuit in federal court in November 2006. The target of their ire was Judy Brown, who edited such compilation books as The Funny Pages, Squeaky Clean Comedy, Funny You Should Know That, Getting Old Is a Joke and Joke Stew, as well as the books' respective publishers.
The lawsuit claimed the books were tantamount to copyright, trademark infringement and false endorsement, as each stolen yuk-yuk was attributed to its famous funny creator.
Under the settlement, announced Wednesday, Brown's publishers agreed immediately to cease the distribution, manufacture and sale of the joke books. The defendants will also shell out an undisclosed financial settlement to the comedians, who maintain, as they did when they first filed the suit, that they will donate the money to charity.
"I thought it was important to make it clear that jokes are protected like any other art form," Leno said of the case. "On behalf of the tremendous and talented group of writers we have at The Tonight Show and many other hardworking comedians, I'm very glad we've been able to stop this practice once and for all."
As for Brown, she issued an apology to the comics scorned, who, in addition to Leno and Rudner, included Kathleen Madigan, Jimmy Brogan, Diane Nichols, Bob Ettinger and Sue Pascoe (widow of comedian Ronnie Shakes), and pledged to respect the sanctity of the joke tellers' material in any future publishing endeavors.
"In my books, I have published jokes of Jay Leno and the other comedians in this lawsuit without their permission," Brown said. "I sincerely apologize for doing so. I greatly admire the creativity, wit and energy of stand-up comedians, and I recognize that comedy is as much an art form as other types of creative expression...This is why I am settling this lawsuit by agreeing never again to publish their jokes without asking their permission to do so."
All told, Brown was responsible for compiling 19 of the joke books, all of which were little more than a collection and repackaging of the comics' acts—or as the original lawsuit put it, "no more than alphabetizing original works."
In addition to the stand-ups themselves, NBC got in on the litigation act against Andrews McMeel Publishing, Sterling Publishing and Rowman & Littlefield, as any stolen joke of Leno's is a stolen joke of theirs. Any comic yarn spun by the host on The Tonight Show qualifies as the studio's property, and each episode since 1992 has been registered with the U.S. Copyright Office.
Both the studio and the plaintiffs' legal representation, Theodore J. Boutrous Jr., have agreed to donate at least a portion of their cut in the settlement to charity, along with Leno and the other comics, all of whom chalk up the legal victory as a major step in comedians' ownership of their material.
Said Boutrous of the legal victory: "The settlement sends a strong message that the intellectual property rights of comedy writers must be respected."
Jay Leno lawsuit Judy Brown lawsuit Jay Leno vs. Judy Brown
Thankfully Jay Leno put a stop to her thievery. Click on the label at the bottom of this post to read the entire story but score one for Team Comics. Writing a joke is one of the hardest things in the world to do. If you don't believe me, write one and then go on stage somewhere and use it.
From Yahoo News
Gina Serpe, Wed Jan 23, 10:02 AM ET Los Angeles (E! Online)
The Tonight Show host has settled a lawsuit filed against the creators of a series of joke books he claimed ripped off material from both his show and stand-up routines.
Leno and his fellow plaintiffs—including NBC Studios and a contingent of fellow comedians, among them Rita Rudner—filed the lawsuit in federal court in November 2006. The target of their ire was Judy Brown, who edited such compilation books as The Funny Pages, Squeaky Clean Comedy, Funny You Should Know That, Getting Old Is a Joke and Joke Stew, as well as the books' respective publishers.
The lawsuit claimed the books were tantamount to copyright, trademark infringement and false endorsement, as each stolen yuk-yuk was attributed to its famous funny creator.
Under the settlement, announced Wednesday, Brown's publishers agreed immediately to cease the distribution, manufacture and sale of the joke books. The defendants will also shell out an undisclosed financial settlement to the comedians, who maintain, as they did when they first filed the suit, that they will donate the money to charity.
"I thought it was important to make it clear that jokes are protected like any other art form," Leno said of the case. "On behalf of the tremendous and talented group of writers we have at The Tonight Show and many other hardworking comedians, I'm very glad we've been able to stop this practice once and for all."
As for Brown, she issued an apology to the comics scorned, who, in addition to Leno and Rudner, included Kathleen Madigan, Jimmy Brogan, Diane Nichols, Bob Ettinger and Sue Pascoe (widow of comedian Ronnie Shakes), and pledged to respect the sanctity of the joke tellers' material in any future publishing endeavors.
"In my books, I have published jokes of Jay Leno and the other comedians in this lawsuit without their permission," Brown said. "I sincerely apologize for doing so. I greatly admire the creativity, wit and energy of stand-up comedians, and I recognize that comedy is as much an art form as other types of creative expression...This is why I am settling this lawsuit by agreeing never again to publish their jokes without asking their permission to do so."
All told, Brown was responsible for compiling 19 of the joke books, all of which were little more than a collection and repackaging of the comics' acts—or as the original lawsuit put it, "no more than alphabetizing original works."
In addition to the stand-ups themselves, NBC got in on the litigation act against Andrews McMeel Publishing, Sterling Publishing and Rowman & Littlefield, as any stolen joke of Leno's is a stolen joke of theirs. Any comic yarn spun by the host on The Tonight Show qualifies as the studio's property, and each episode since 1992 has been registered with the U.S. Copyright Office.
Both the studio and the plaintiffs' legal representation, Theodore J. Boutrous Jr., have agreed to donate at least a portion of their cut in the settlement to charity, along with Leno and the other comics, all of whom chalk up the legal victory as a major step in comedians' ownership of their material.
Said Boutrous of the legal victory: "The settlement sends a strong message that the intellectual property rights of comedy writers must be respected."
Jay Leno lawsuit Judy Brown lawsuit Jay Leno vs. Judy Brown
Thursday, July 19, 2007
The Dick And The Jon
Me and Andy Dick at the infamous Christmas party
Brynn and Phil at that 1997 partyI loved Brynn and Phil as much as you can love any two friends. I was broke as dust when I first met them, in New York, when Phil was first hired on SNL and they had just relocated from Los Angeles. My sister, who lived in L.A. and was close to Brynn, asked me to call her since she knew no one in N.Y. So I did.
I remember the funny parts of Brynn and Phil because they were both hilarious. Once I was on the road in Alaska and it was my birthday. I called home and she and Phil had left a Happy Birthday song on my machine. Brynn sang it as Delores Hope, Bob Hope's wife, because she did Delores better than Delores.
And she was the only person I knew who loved Dean Martin as much as I did. And admitted it publicly.
Phil tried to help me with my career more times than I can count. I knew so many standups who never lifted a finger to help me in L.A., outside of Larry David and Michael Patrick King, but Phil was constantly trying to hook me up. He once made Dennis Miller come to my gig at the L.A. Improv to see if I was right for his show. Dennis had a sick child at home outside of L.A. but made the trip anyway. He figured if Phil thought I was funny, it was worth his time. I got a second audition but Dennis's show got cancelled. But I never forgot what Phil and Dennis did for me.
At Phil's 45th birthday party, he told Jay Leno to book me. He had more confidence in me in those days than I had. Jay did not book me.
Brynn used to go to New York once a year and come back with an entirely new wardrobe. She had two friends who were struggling at the time, me and her bff Judy. She would take all her one year-old designer clothes, all the freebies they got in gift bags and lay them out on her bed and then invite me over to pick out what I wanted. She said she always asked me first because she knew how hard I struggled and how little money I had. (Knowing Brynn, she probably told Judy the same thing) Sometimes I would try something on and she would say, "Oh God, I'm not giving that away, it's too fabulous. Ahhh forget it, it really looks better on you." She was a tall blond beauty who was a size 2. I wasn't blind. She was just that generous of spirit.
I still cry every time I think of her taking care of me like that. And for Phil risking his formidable reputation for me.
There are lots of stories out there about what Andy Dick did or did not do at that Christmas party. I will just say this, only her girlfriends know the truth about what went on in that marriage and we ain't talking. I do know that Jon Lovitz was completely devastated by the loss of his best friend so anything he does in Phil's honor, I understand.
We are often defined in life by one mistake. One episode that can't be erased or taped over. We've all had a moment that can't be returned to sender. I wrote about this because I didn't want all this press over the Lovitz-Dick fight to overshadow the real lives of the Hartmans. They have two children out there who remember their parents with love. And so should the rest of us.
End of chat. I mean it.
I remember the funny parts of Brynn and Phil because they were both hilarious. Once I was on the road in Alaska and it was my birthday. I called home and she and Phil had left a Happy Birthday song on my machine. Brynn sang it as Delores Hope, Bob Hope's wife, because she did Delores better than Delores.
And she was the only person I knew who loved Dean Martin as much as I did. And admitted it publicly.
Phil tried to help me with my career more times than I can count. I knew so many standups who never lifted a finger to help me in L.A., outside of Larry David and Michael Patrick King, but Phil was constantly trying to hook me up. He once made Dennis Miller come to my gig at the L.A. Improv to see if I was right for his show. Dennis had a sick child at home outside of L.A. but made the trip anyway. He figured if Phil thought I was funny, it was worth his time. I got a second audition but Dennis's show got cancelled. But I never forgot what Phil and Dennis did for me.
At Phil's 45th birthday party, he told Jay Leno to book me. He had more confidence in me in those days than I had. Jay did not book me.
Brynn used to go to New York once a year and come back with an entirely new wardrobe. She had two friends who were struggling at the time, me and her bff Judy. She would take all her one year-old designer clothes, all the freebies they got in gift bags and lay them out on her bed and then invite me over to pick out what I wanted. She said she always asked me first because she knew how hard I struggled and how little money I had. (Knowing Brynn, she probably told Judy the same thing) Sometimes I would try something on and she would say, "Oh God, I'm not giving that away, it's too fabulous. Ahhh forget it, it really looks better on you." She was a tall blond beauty who was a size 2. I wasn't blind. She was just that generous of spirit.
I still cry every time I think of her taking care of me like that. And for Phil risking his formidable reputation for me.
There are lots of stories out there about what Andy Dick did or did not do at that Christmas party. I will just say this, only her girlfriends know the truth about what went on in that marriage and we ain't talking. I do know that Jon Lovitz was completely devastated by the loss of his best friend so anything he does in Phil's honor, I understand.
We are often defined in life by one mistake. One episode that can't be erased or taped over. We've all had a moment that can't be returned to sender. I wrote about this because I didn't want all this press over the Lovitz-Dick fight to overshadow the real lives of the Hartmans. They have two children out there who remember their parents with love. And so should the rest of us.
End of chat. I mean it.
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