I was looking at the global map I keep on the bottom half of my sidebar and noticed I've got some repeat customers from Pakistan. It looks like some of the readers are coming from Islamabad so if there are soldiers who are reading this, we're all praying for your safe return.
This post is for you.
I entertained the troops during the Bosnian War and made other trips to South Korea, Johnston Atoll and Japan for MWR. The comics were given G-17 status and at the time that pissed off my Army Dad, ret. and now deceased, buried in Arlington. He had only gotten to G-14. I said, "I told you I'd amount to something ONE day." And he replied, "Yeah, as long as you're in a war zone you're fine."
I spent time in red-tagged bunkers in Macedonia and did meet and greets out of a Blackhawk flying with almost zero visibility in some no-fly zones, for which I did NOT receive hazard pay. (Surely one of you guys can put in a word for me about that, no?) I yelled at that pilot because he took us over a mountain and dropped the chopper straight down, thereby scaring the FUCK out of me. He promised not to do it again and told me not to feel bad since when he had the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders on board they all puked when he did that to them.
At the show that night I ripped that flyboy a new asshole and got a standing O. Hooah!
This post is for you.
I entertained the troops during the Bosnian War and made other trips to South Korea, Johnston Atoll and Japan for MWR. The comics were given G-17 status and at the time that pissed off my Army Dad, ret. and now deceased, buried in Arlington. He had only gotten to G-14. I said, "I told you I'd amount to something ONE day." And he replied, "Yeah, as long as you're in a war zone you're fine."
I spent time in red-tagged bunkers in Macedonia and did meet and greets out of a Blackhawk flying with almost zero visibility in some no-fly zones, for which I did NOT receive hazard pay. (Surely one of you guys can put in a word for me about that, no?) I yelled at that pilot because he took us over a mountain and dropped the chopper straight down, thereby scaring the FUCK out of me. He promised not to do it again and told me not to feel bad since when he had the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders on board they all puked when he did that to them.
At the show that night I ripped that flyboy a new asshole and got a standing O. Hooah!
The Blackhawk and the pilot.
The note that was left on my door after that show. I went to their commanding officer to try and track down the guy who wrote this and was told, "We're all just soldiers here." And yes, their humility made me cry. Shut up. At least I didn't puke.
End of chat.
U.S. Soldiers in Pakistan War In Iraq
So you're the bitch who ruined the chopper rides in the Balkans. I'd heard how crazy the pilots were- particularly in Blackhawks- but mine kept it mellow. I had to call them pussies to get a little excitement out of the rides (yes, I'm still referring to the helicopter rides but the word "pussy" is certainly an effective all-purpose term for getting what I want from men in various areas of life).
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna find my pilot and FORCE him to take your sorry ass up there and then puke your guts out. Then we'll see who the real pussy is.
ReplyDeleteThank you for going and entertaining. I wish I could do something they find amusing or at least momentarily distracting from the horror of war.
ReplyDeletebut I really don't understand the whole heirarchy there. so like the whole g-14 vs p-27 escapes me.
When I get thank-you letters from troops that I send care packages to, it always makes me choke up. They are so very grateful for everything and anything to let them escape from their life for a little while.
ReplyDeleteDaniel, all comics who have been overseas have always been more than happy to go. Even my Arch Enemy Jenee, see above. GS is your government service rank. My badge said GS-17 on it and when people saw it, they jumped. I never even had to stand in line at the PX.
ReplyDeleted2, I know you send care packages over there and go above and beyond because I've read what you put in them on your blog. They must be so grateful to you. And because of you I got baby wipes to make due for the duration of my surgery. It's only 3 months so I cant complain next to how long the soldiers have to use them. Hooah.
I come over hear expecting something all "bite me" and I get this?!
ReplyDeleteJK. This is pretty touching stuff.
I would puke. Total flying pussy am I.
ReplyDeleteIf the pilots want me to get sick, they're going to have to ply me with six cocktails first because that's the only thing that makes me puke.
ReplyDeleteWhen I went to the Balkans I was only GS-13 (again, probably your fault for the demotion). It's still a very high rank so I ordered some Italian soldiers at a NATO base to do push ups but they refused. I bet if I knew the Italian word for "pussies" I could have made it happen.
Jenee, that trip we made was rough. We deserved that ranking on that particular tour.
ReplyDeleteOne of the ladies who does transcription from home for us has a son in Iraq. He’s only TWENTY! The lady has aged before my very eyes and looks older than her 50 years.
ReplyDeleteHe was here in March and his mom said he couldn’t seem to completely relax. I used to watch reports on men and women who would come home unable to reacclimatize themselves to everyday life. It made me sad before but now it breaks my heart. :o(
Dam a little warning next time! Your post made me teary.
ReplyDeleteFor the record, that's totally why I love your blog. Laughter and tears perfectly combined.
Dam a little warning next time! Your post made me teary.
ReplyDeleteFor the record, that's totally why I love your blog. Laughter and tears perfectly combined.
I agree with Becky, I laugh and cry sometimes when I read your blog.
ReplyDeleteIt's a great thing you guys do in entertaining the troups.
As you know, I live in Honolulu, where there is a large military presence and five commissaries (where military folks can go and get incredibly cheap groceries and alcohol). Those who know me are aware of my incredible frugal nature (i.e., cheap). A retired colonel offered to let me go with him to get the inexpensive food and booze. As penny-pinching as I am, I just couldn't do it. It's a small benefit to pay the military back for their work, and I didn't deserve it.
ReplyDeleteAloha,
Martha Jane
bee, that is so sad for that lady. I hope her son comes back in ne piece.
ReplyDeletebeckie and gm, that's the biggest compliment that I could get, that I've made my readers schizophrenic.
Next time go with MJ My Dad used to take people with him, especially if they were in need of something crucial and didn't have the means to pay. You know, stuff like alcohol!
How awesome that you did that! Go you!
ReplyDeleteI love the note too.
Boy, you sure to get around. I mean that in a good way. :)
ReplyDelete