HOWEVER, if a bottle of Vodka walked into my apartment right now I would marry it. I'm grateful that I have no weapons on me because if someone broke into my apartment I would shoot to kill. Turns out I left my door unlocked on Wednesday night so that might have happened, only I don't have a gun. So I would have stabbed someone to death after I pushed my scooter over to the knife drawer and then followed them around my apartment yelling, "Don't make me come over there because I WILL. Eventually."
10 days until this bitch comes off my leg. It's enough already. If I had a vacuum saw, like the one they use chez le medecin, this fucker would be lying on the floor and I'd be doing the Happy Hoppy Dance with one leg.
ANOTHER SHOE CONTEST! Shut UP, you say? No YOU shut up.
This one stars my good friend and hilarious comic slash writer Stefanie Wilder-Taylor. Dasright, she's going to autograph and give away her latest book, Why Suzy Soro is the Queen of the World. Or as some hateful people prefer to call it: Naptime Is The New Happy Hour.
I know that anyone who has read Stefanie's blog or her first novel Suzy Soro Taught Me Everything I Know, also referred to in some spiteful literary circles as Sippy Cups Are Not For Chardonnay, will want in on this contest.
It starts on Monday and will run for 2 days. Winner announced on Wednesday.
End of chat.