Friday, June 06, 2008

It's Everyone Can Bite Me Friday!

For someone who hasn't left the house in two months I sure have a lot to bitch about every Friday.

Would you be the slightest bit surprised to know that I took 1 Vicodin yesterday morning to go back to bed and then another 2 when I got up from my 67 year long nap? I believe in the addiction handbook that is what is referred to as 'Going Backwards.' However, I took nothing else all day so the tally for Thursday is 3. I'm not bragging, believe me.

I'm an addict. If I put it out there, I'm responsible for it so I'm putting it out there. My descent into hell with alcohol five years ago, which lasted a good six months before I pulled the plug on myself and went into rehab, started out with me as a social drinker. Then one day I wasn't. One day all the fat people were thin. Then they weren't. Why?

If you're addicted to anything, you're probably unhappy. You're either in a dead-end relationship, a fucked-up job, not where you want to be in life or in a place where you do ALL the emotional or physical work and the other person does NONE of it. Addiction is just the band-aid that covers up what is really wrong. It covers up what you're really addicted to, and it's always a behavior. When X does Y, I feel like eatingsmokingdrinkingshopping etc. Find out what that behavior is and you're halfway home. I figured out mine back in 2004. It's been a struggle ever since to avoid the people and situations that bring this up or I just have to deal with it outright, which is also difficult. But I try. Sometimes I fail. I'm not perfect. Well, I AM, but you know. Just with clothes and accessories.

I'm not interested in pot, gambling, eating (seriously, SOMEONE MAKE A PILL CALLED LUNCH AND DO ME A SOLID) or smoking. And when I'm not having surgery, I'm not interested in pills either. Smoking was also a big addiction for me and it took me two years to quit. If I even had one this morning I'd be up to a carton by this afternoon. And here's another news flash with addiction, you can't quit anything until YOU want to. That's why telling someone else to quit something doesn't work. If they don't want to, they aren't going to. Move on.

I fight codependence every day and man, talk about a bad gig that doesn't pay well. In case you don't know whether you're codependent or not, if you're constantly telling someone else how to live their life, how to do it better or anything similar, you're controlling and thus codependent. And you've probably got addictions.

I did figure out yesterday that I wasn't depressed from the Vikes, which is what I thought. I got myself into a situation with someone and that is what was bringing up all the old feelings that made me want to use. Once I realized what I was doing, I extricated myself from that person and was kind of surprised how much better I felt. Immediately. Being exposed to this person makes me want to control and the more you try and control something, not only the less it will happen your way, Melodie Beatty believes it KEEPS it from happening altogether, but you're also more likely to act out addictively. That would be me.

And now for really important news, there's a new SHOE CONTEST starting next week to give away the hilariously funny Unpredictable by Eileen Cook. Go to Amazon.com and read her reviews and you'll want in on this. I still haven't worked out the particulars, due to being all high and everything. KIDDING. But it involves shoes and I think that says enough.

End of chat.


24 comments:

  1. I think we are all addicted to something. The only way most know that they are addicted is if they wish they weren't. The rest are just blissfully unaware. I had a helluva time quitting smoking. I just didn't wanna quit. The only thing that made me quit was pregnancy. I still didn't want to quit though.

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  2. merecat, I think it took me 2 years to quit because I really didn't want to. If I find out the world is coming to an end I'm running to the corner to buy cigarettes and Grey Goose.

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  3. I was working in my day job with someone and their employer was basically saying go into rehab or you're fired. I was sitting with the guy and he turns to me and says "the problem is I really like the drinking." Yep.

    My book and shoes. What a lovely combination.

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  4. You've obviously invested a lot into figuring yourself out. The more I read the more I figure I'll have to give therapy a try at some point.

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  5. Hi, my name is Jami and I'm a shoe-aholic. Yes, I'm addicted to cute shoes because they make me feel good. And look FABulous!

    Now eagerly waiting for the contest.

    And I'm glad to hear you've gotten (something of) a handle on it ... whatever "it" is.

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  6. Anonymous10:56 AM

    S,
    You don't need to spend money on Grey Goose. Purchase a PUR water filter, run a half gallon of crappy vodka through the filter three times, and it turns into Grey Goose. Apparently Grey Goose is charcoal filtered, like the PUR.

    If the world is coming to an end, I want some fabulous sushi, followed by a Mario Batali pizza.

    I'm rooting for you.
    Aloha,
    MJ

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  7. Beckie11:29 AM

    If the world is ending I'll take a pack of cigarettes and an 8-ball. (That was my subtle way of outing my former addictions)

    Shoes and a book - can't wait to sign up!! (Amazon is taking forever to deliver Off The Record and it's making me feel stabby)

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  8. Oddly enough my week is also ending with a clear light of day sort of entry about addictions. Its a little scary but I'm glad I know what needs to change.

    I don't have anything funny or cheering to share but just wanted you to know you've been in my thoughts during your 'captivity'....hope you are able to get around soon.

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  9. chandler in lasvegas12:25 PM

    If the world is coming to an end, I'm going back to 1970's style partying puffing Marlboros and pulling a BB train at the local gay bath house, no holes barred.

    Suzy, you need some Quaaludes, dear.

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  10. hmmm... this was a great post for me personally. Your insights are helpful. I have things that i have to work out that i am currently working on. I am rooting for you too.

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  11. Lowering your pill intake from 9 or 10 pills to 3 is great- congrats!

    I've found accountability to be a great motivator for me (which is why I'm tempted to get a kid for a year or two). Writing in here about your struggles with other addictions you have may help keep you in check. I would do that myself but I'm still in the denial stage of my addictions.

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  12. I'm addicted to a lot of things...more than I care to mention. I refuse to try smoking because I know I'd get addicted. I don't drink for the same reason.

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  13. Not be goin' all "Grammar Police" on your ass, but wouldn't the title of this weekly blog read better if you type it like this:

    It's "Everyone Can Bite Me" Friday!

    Think of it this way. We all know it's Friday, but what Friday is it? It's "Everyone Can Bite Me" Friday.

    That differentiates it from all the "other" Fridays.

    Okay, that's all from here at "TJ's gonna be a pain in the ass" Friday.

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  14. Whoa, this one hits close to home. I love your honesty.

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  15. Seriously too deep for me right now. I will have to read this post again when I am ready to get out of my denial.
    I am looking forward to the shoe contest though.

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  16. Kids, glad to know we're all in the same boat, some of us sinking faster than others! Tommy, shut up.

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  17. theMickey's10:22 PM

    For someone who hasn't left the house in two months I sure have a lot to bitch about every Friday.

    I regret taking a sip of my coffee when I read that.

    Cool Advice, suz.

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  18. You're so right! I just quit smoking 2 months ago - cold turkey. All of the things that helped me (exercise, thinking about my health etc) -never- helped me in the past. The only thing that's changed is I just didn't want to smoke anymore.

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  19. Surcie8:13 AM

    I've spent 3 weeks not eating all the crap I usually eat when I feel sad/mad/glad/bored. (This might explain the irritability.) Everyfreakingbody's got SOMEthing they use to fill the emptiness.

    Nobody could blame you for wanting to self-medicate, Suzy. But please be kind to yourself.

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  20. social tyrant, congrats, I know that one's hard.

    Surcie, I'm being so kind to myself I'm leaving town for 3 days, be back on Monday!

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  21. Great stuff, Suzy!
    But after hearing all that (with the best of my empathetic active listening) I feel like I should charge you or something. ; )
    Peace!
    Ferd
    (Suzy blog newbie)

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  22. I feel so square. Does prozac count?

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  23. You are uncomfortably honest! I'm going to have to ask you to stop that. Thanks. : )

    May I suggest a cat? Cats make great listeners (they never interrupt), and they're great company--they think they're people! You can pretend they're affectionate, if you try hard. And you can tell all your friends about the sadistic things they do to you--so cute!

    Better, get several cats--a fleet (is that what you call a bunch? I can't remember). That way, if anything unfortunate were to happen, as you mentioned before (God forbid), you'll make it onto Access Hollywood AND Inside Edition--gosh, maybe even Good Morning America! You know how they love those cat lady stories. Think of it!

    I know what you're thinking...but I can quit the caffeine anytime I want to...I just don't want to. But I will confess--I'm addicted to your blog! (Everybody say "awww, ain't he nice!").

    I checked out Steve Martin's book from the library today--thanks for the recommendation.

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  24. Be careful with the Xanax because it's insanely addicting. If you take it everyday when you go to stop you'll feel weird. So you'll take another one and so on and so on and so on. But that's according to my shrink and what the fuck does he know? That's why I just keep taking them. I'm not motivated to quit.

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